Terror Alert Level: Speedos!

Borat! Yo! MY EYES! MY EYES!

Shocking news from Guantanamo Bay, as reports trickle in that security has been breached, in several, very palpable ways.

Prisoners have been sighted in possession of, and actually wearing, contraband items which have obviously been smuggled in somehow, to purportedly the most secure compound on Earth. Ringed by the Caribbean Ocean, patrolled by endless US Navy and Coast Guard boats, continuously scouted by fighter jets and surveillance drones, nonetheless the Gitmo prison camp has proven as porous as cheesecloth, all the forces of the United States Military no more effective than the elderly, be-aproned greeters at Wal-Mart.

We’re talking Speedos, people.

From the AP, via the Guardian:

SAN JUAN, Puerto Rico (AP) – Guards at the Guantanamo Bay prison camp found two prisoners sporting unauthorized underwear, and the U.S. military is investigating to determine how they got the contraband.

Both prisoners were caught wearing Under Armour briefs and one also had on a Speedo bathing suit, items the military said were not issued by Guantanamo personnel or sent through the regular mail, according to a Defense Department letter obtained Friday by The Associated Press.

Army Lt. Col. Ed Bush, a spokesman at the jail holding some 340 men on suspicion of terrorism or links to al-Qaida and the Taliban, said more was involved than just an uproar over skivvies.

He said the appearance of contraband raised serious concerns about the potential for smuggling other items that could be used by detainees to harm themselves or staff.

There is no room for error when working in a dangerous environment, and constant vigilance is of the utmost importance,” Bush said.

Sweetie, if they look half-decent in them, you can be certain that at least some of your guards won’t take their eyes off of them. They’ve been away from home for a long time.

So, how does that work: if we wear the baggies, do the terrorists win?

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3 thoughts on “Terror Alert Level: Speedos!

  1. Just wanted to be fashionably attired for waterboarding, no doubt.

    My guess is they’re gifts from the CIA types. Everyone knows the intelligence community has a strong distaff bent … or possibly a strong bent distaff … Anyway, it’s less an intelligence community than an intelligence family.

  2. Pingback: Boratkini (PG) « Archies Archive

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