Zombie Alert in Langley!!!

Zombies in Plain English
Did you know that zombies come from British Columbia? It’s true. It’s a fact.

It’s a well-known fact that the common-or-garden zombie is an unsophisticated creature, preferring the isolation of the countryside, farms, campsites, and small towns to the cramped confines of large metropolii. As with all species, however, urban encroachment upon their natural habitat has led to increasing pressure on the indigenous zombie population, and to increasing incidents of conflict and contact.

So it was that this past Tuesday a zombie was found wandering the semi-rural streets of Langley, a placid suburb of Greater Vancouver, a Lesser Vancouver if you will.

From the Langley Times:

WEB EXTRA: Dead man wandered from accident scene

By Natasha Jones – Langley Times – June 05, 2008

Christopher Edgar Parmiter, 37, of Surrey has been identified as the man whose body was discovered underneath a tractor-trailer unit on Industrial Avenue on Tuesday morning.

The top salesman for Chrysler in Western Canada, Parmiter may have been dead for several hours before he was found at 7:40 a.m.

According to his brother Mark Babor, Parmiter was involved in a low-speed crash involving just his car, a red 2008 Viper, in the area of Fraser Highway and the 208 Street causeway.

His car sustained only minor damage and, Babor said, an autopsy revealed no physical trauma to Parmiter’s body.

If only he had left a blog behind…we could have had some insight into his motivations. Surely, however, disorientation and brain lust must, as always, have been at the forefront. If you doubt, just realize that in life, he was the kind of man who drove a Viper. Obviously, he’d be in need of brains.


33 thoughts on “Zombie Alert in Langley!!!

  1. Her Grace la Marchionesse de W under Buzzard de la Zouche

    Your Grace

    Whah, ahh doo decla-are, Miss Scarlett

    und What is wRong with coming from Surrey

    At least in life, this Young Man would have been able to SchPeak Englisch PROPER, und not as she is writ




    Yr Grace’s obedient servant etc

    G E

  2. I see you’ve never been to Surrey, BC. There’s nothing more Surrey than owning a Viper and dying of unexplained causes in the wee hours of the morning while attempting to sleep off the effects of the night before under a trailer in Langely. Unless it’s doing all that while pregnant.

  3. You have got some nerve saying crap like that when his family is obviously devastated. Obviously you’ve never lost anyone close to you that you cared about, or could it be that you are not capable of caring about people? I sensed a hint of jealously in your crappy little write up…kinda makes me think that perhaps you don’t own a car at all, perhaps you’re too busy running at the mouth about stuff you know nothing about in between welfare checks to go out and work so that you can own anything decent. Check yourself before you wreck yourself. Ever heard of a little thing called karma? Hope it bites you right in the ass one day when you least expect it.

  4. “Check yourself before you wreck yourself.” Classy. I may have taken the low road, but I’m not the one who’s dropping references to fatal car crashes. Nice.

  5. Y’know, ‘nony had you down pretty pat. I thought he might be a regular reader for a while. Until he got to the jealousy bit.

    Jealous about shoes, I could see. An over-hyped, over-powered, over-priced penis extension? Well as far as I know you don’t have one to extend … though I make no claims as to the validity of that assertion. I’ve never peeked under the mantle.

    I think this post is a bit tasteless, though nothing outré for you. But for the FSM’s sake, you tagged it under “tasteless.” It’s hardly a surprise!

    I’d treasure that post though–it’s remarkably free of the usual spelling errors.

  6. @ the ultra brave “anonymous” and sandy as well.

    [cue Monty Python]
    For life is quite absurd,
    And death’s the final word.
    You must always face the curtain with a bow!
    Forget about your sin — give the audience a grin,
    Enjoy it — it’s the last chance anyhow!

    So always look on the bright side of death!
    Just before you draw your terminal breath.
    Life’s a piece of shit,
    When you look at it.

    Life’s a laugh and death’s a joke, it’s true,
    You’ll see it’s all a show,
    Keep ’em laughing as you go.
    Just remember that the last laugh is on you!

  7. I’m just astonished anyone thinks I could end up this way without having had it come around on me. Not every remark about dead strangers has to be reverent, but when you make irreverent remarks about Viper-owning Surreyites, you do tend to know that all their “homies” will defend. Shouldn’t you be at a parole hearing?

  8. You know, I don’t know why so many people find it funny to laugh at the loss of someone else’s life. The fact is, if it was your family or friend, you’d be devastated and articles like this would probably make you sick. I knew the deceased in a very distant way and I still am taken aback by the whole thing. Say what you want about the living but there’s no need to ridicule the dead.

  9. If you’d read it you’ll see that the post is really about ridiculing headline writers in Langley. We’re not laughing at the fact that the man died, just at the fact that he lived in Surrey and had predictable taste in cars, which we of course would have ridiculed even if he were still alive.

  10. The original article may be a stab at reporters and newspaper articles. But your comments are rude and tasteless and so are the comments of most replying to the article. Like I said, it’s inexcusable to make such comments about someone who has passed on. The fact that you alluded to the fact he may have been drunk is another thing that is somewhat disappointing. Considering the article makes no mention of the cause of death or even speculates he was drinking. I’m just saying that articles like this are tasteless and people like you who find them funny need to take a hard look at yourself and figure out why another person’s misfortune is entertainment for you. I bet you laughed at Myanmar and China too…

  11. Is someone more worthy of respect simply because they’ve died? We have to disagree.

    I don’t laugh at the travails of the living unless they’ve brought them upon themselves. If this post bothers you, then by continuing to return to it you are bringing that suffering on yourself.

    I didn’t expect his friends to be thrilled with this, but his friends have a right to their grief. I don’t; nor an obligation.

  12. You know, now that I think about it you aren’t even worth the time it takes anyone to type a response to you ignorant posting. I can just picture you now a fat, lazy, 30-something year old with a receding hairline sitting in front of your computer with one hand on your mouse and the other reaching into that big old bowl of cheezies that your mom just delivered to you. I’m shocked but I actually feel some sympathy for you, sitting there night after night in your parents basement, feeling lonely, and wishing that you’ll wake up tomorrow and it will be welfare day all over again seeing as you’ve spent the last check on junk food and probably something for your computer, after all it is the only friend you have.

  13. If I’m not worth the time, you’ve spent a lengthy period of time in front of said monitor.

    You can make up any structure regarding my parents and their basement, but the fact that they died many years ago is unlikely to have an effect.

    Stay real.

  14. Wow … how do you attract these clairvoyants? They seem to know you so well …

    @Anonymous: You’re right. With the exception of the parents, and the basement … Oh, and the cheezies and the welfare thing, Raincoaster is indeed, just like you.

  15. Its been two months since my brother died and googling his name brought this website up. How dare anyone say he did not have a brain for owning a Viper.. the car crash is not even close to what had killed him.
    SOrry you must be bored and jealous, but please have some respect.
    It must be so easy to talk about something you cant even imagine going through yourself

  16. I’m sorry your brother died. It must be very difficult for you.

    But googling for his name is going to bring you all kinds of things, including people who make fun of him for owning what they consider to be an appallingly ostentatious car. Like me. I’m not going to suddenly develop respect for Viper-drivers just because they’ve died.

    If what you want is peace, seeking out what other people are saying about his death is not going to bring it to you and I would advise not doing it.

  17. Parmiter was an incredible man who never frowned upon anyone and worked hard and saved up for everything he ever had. He was the best salesperson because of how fast he grew on his customers. If you were having a bad day, 5 minutes with him and you were happy and laughing again. You have no idea who he is or what he was about. Stop it.

  18. You’re right: I had no idea what kind of man he was. It was anything but personal.

    I reply only to show that I respect what you’ve said and that the human context belongs here. I’m still a bitch, but I am learning.

  19. this man died because he went for spanish pussy. it IS karma. lesson to u all out there: u leave ur wife and ur small children and go for spanish pussy, YOU WILL DIE. chris is dead, is that evidence enough?

  20. I knew Chris from childhood ,he had a heart condition or some sort of blood issue,it sounds like blood to me ,like he blacked out hit something then wandered due to blood issue.

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