From Bunkbeds, probably the coolest sales site I’ve ever seen. Because why? Because hellOOOOOO, what other children’s furniture site offers hawt, bleeding edge internet quiz goodness like How Long Could You Survive Chained To A Bunkbed With A Velociraptor? Eh? I ask you.
The Ground Rules
- Both you and the raptor are tethered to the bunk bed with 7 foot chains
- The chains are unbreakable and cannot be removed from the bunk bed
- The bunk bed is light enough that you can drag it a little
- You are free to run around the bed or get on the top bunk
Try and outlast me, gentle readers! I make that velociraptor my bitch for a full minute and nineteen juicy seconds!
I could survive for 1 minute, 19 seconds chained to a bunkbed with a velociraptor.
via Cvxn
raincoaster 
BFD. Chained to a bed with a pile of rocks resembling a turkey that used to be a velociraptor? I’d have enough time to dismantle the bed and walk away. Work on getting the chain off later.
If it was alive? Gimme a break. It’s a turkey with teeth.
Okay, I didn’t read all the caveats. It’s still a scared turkey.
How long??? (she asks, not for the first or last time)
A live velociraptor is a bonus. With the rules being that the chains cannot be broken, and the bed cannot be disassembled, you’re screwed unless you can drag the BUNKbed, chains outside to water. You’ll die of thirst within 4-5 days WITHOUT the beast.
Since the beast wants to get away as bad as you do, it’s scared. You throttle the velociraptor by hand or with the chain, drink the blood, and eat the carcass sporadically over the next couple of weeks while you work on dragging the unbreakable chain and the undissassemblable BUNKbed out into the open to find help and more water.
Oh yeah. You wanted it based on the survey thingy. Sorry. 1 minute 32 seconds.
I’d rather be locked up in a room with a velociraptor than with an emu. Or an Emo.
Then for god’s sake stay way from Feist concerts!
At one minute and 20 seconds, you turn into lunch.
I only lasted 54 seconds. Probably bled to death too fast after my arm was ripped off!
Oh, and it has been burgled :)
btw Bunk, the rules say nothing about the bunk being indestructible – – –
This is a point! I figure you could trap that thing’s chain by toppling the bunkbeds over on it, getting it all tangled. Then break it’s scrawny little lizardy neck. While punching it in the velociballs.
44 seconds …
Well, we can’t all be Rambo!
I’m feeling much better about my 1 minute and three seconds, given the showing of some others of my age range. But I still figure you’d bleed out pretty quickly when your arm was ripped off. Unless the velociraptor left enough of a stump to get a tourniquet on.
Archie– The Rules state that “The chains are unbreakable and cannot be removed from the BUNKbed,” but if you were able to disassemble the BUNKbed, then the chains could be removed. Therefore the BUNKbed cannot be disassembled.
No, if you were to disembowel, I mean disassemble the bunkbed, it wouldn’t be a bunkbed anymore, it would be a pile of sticks. You can remove chains from the pile of sticks.
I min 22 secs
but I’ve got form.
1 minute 19 seconds! Damn I’m good!
Oh–I misread it as a bunkbed, not a BUNKbed. That explains the need for chaining the victim to it.
1:06
Of course in reality I know better and plan accordingly. I’m always armed around bunkbeds, those fuckers are malicous.
So now we know, if you’re ever pinned in a room with a velociraptor, hide behind Philipa!
I’ll hide behind Metro and push.
So in other words you’ll keep trying the same old thing?
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Metro–
I don’t quite get it. If you’re, um, asking that I, uh, NOPE. NOT GONNA GO THERE.
Even in life and death scenarios, some of us have ethics, and I don’t intend to do what you seem to suggest. A clean shove might distract the velociraptor just long enough for me to figure out the best plan of attack. Assuming you survive, your wounds will heal, and you’ll come out as a hero.
I know women Metro has had sex with, and not one of them would get between him and a velociraptor as far as I can tell. But then…I have no information about Bunk’s exes. Republicans have startlingly Libertarian tendencies when personal danger is involved.
When personal danger is involved, I will do whatever it takes to protect the weak and infirm. Metro is neither. He’s bait.
And I just gassed a cricket behind the stove.
Is that a euphemism for something?
Sprayed the noisy bugger with Raid. Just a side comment about what I’ve been doing lately, that’s all.
Ah, if you spray them with hairspray it immobilizes them and then you can toss them outside while they’re paralyzed. It’s like the petrificus totalis spell from harry Potter, only without the magic part.
Your all a bunch of vaginas.
That’s “you’re,” you twat!
Excepting the misspelled contraction, I believe that a group of vaginas is properly called “a barleycorn,” and not “a bunch.” I’m proud to be a barleycorn.
Please pass the word on to little Master Dickless so he doesn’t soil his crinolines unnecessarily.
Bunk, you must get out to much more interesting parties than I do. I recommend you wear latex.
3 minites and 98 secends
wait i could survive 1 hour, 98 minites and 53 secends
1:22
Jimmy, you shoulda quit while you were ahead.