Remember Garfield Without Garfield? Well, the premise is fundamentally wrong. This actually is sadder with the cat.
The saddest thing is, of course, the likelihood that this chart represents the culminating physical pleasures of this poor Zeta Male’s life.
raincoaster 
LOL. That’s AWESOME. The cat lovers are *really* going to dig it!
Pussy is pussy. Wow, did I just say that?
E and F look very very familiar…
Hmm…that looks familiar. Like looking in a mirror or something…
I hope he’s wormed the beast. That sort of thing can make you blind you know.
Misery. I almost typed “lol.”
Who is Bruno Anthony? Enquiring minds want to know!
[From teh Russian via Google Translate. Not enough vodka in the world to comprehend this diatribe that ends with links to babushka porno. –Bunk]
“Trifle, I placate ourselves ezhas to the wind. Absolutely nothing … hurry get right, and my adored благоверный desolate, finally, to the car. And Tutti – Farewell forever tightness in the bus and walk according to this rut! The turnover of my daily lying through garage cooperative, and there was no day voezhe relative I did not think so. I am almost through the store to get the garages, when someone gently moved me to his shoulder.
– Ludmila Fyodorovna?
I cracked Okliknuvshy female GIC GIC reminded me of one mother’s friend.
– True – I willingly turned out, particularly in rasplyvayas smile – and what it is all of a sudden according to the name-middle name?
Only it was not completely Mamina girlfriend. Laugh long spolzla with my face.
– Sorry – hide view, said a woman – you do not know me?
– Excuse me, are we aware of?
The woman was under fifty years old, she had ugly facial features, thin mouth, and she was dressed gaud Amen. With these companies, I usually do not vozhu, except that for work.
– Do not know? Well, it does not matter – my interlocutrix muttered, – see, my son badly!
– Lord, but what happened to him?
– Urgent! – Zasuetilas it sideways vtalkivaya me at the door of one of the boxes – immediately! Now you all know …
However bad I was not just herself. In the garage instead of a poor young man dying … I was expecting a dozen gloomily silent old ladies at the age of forty years of age and older.
– Hello – I prolepetala covered bad premonition – Where …
Of the women went to the shorn «carré» eccentric man in glasses and black velvet jeans, definitely not myself.
– Because you are also in good warned – without entering the beginning of it – called capital offered. And you? Is it so hard to move us forward? Do you not understand, where are our boys, will be to deduct?
My God! It is unreasonable that the mother of my former students? Is so, the conversation is quite heavy – I’m not random is called upon by the eyes of personnel for the agency Pasha-Mercedes … to start, I do not know how to take tests on-capitalist. And yet I can not procrastinate when I «runs» all pimply yuntsy. This only strengthens me in thought, as they with me at one university to do nothing.
Only in this audience as well be brave and principled. And here, frankly speaking, I zatryaslis hock …
– I honestly just doing my job! – Take I apologize, a little retreat to the door – sorry, but allegedly the same case?
Because of my voice back lyazgnul bolt. Zamani me here lahudra knowingly shook her head – a dam, on the run and did not think so.
– Listen! – I exclaimed, losing patience, – that you start now, then after I want?
– What we want! What we want?! – Exact vzvyli old shrew, and, as a team, attacked me with fists.
Felt that they had not fought often. But there were too many. Unreasonable as a temporary, two powerful hands to me, the rest larrup much have to. I was beaten until I can not darkened in the eyes and did not brace the feet. Probably beat and after that I just do not remember …
I woke up from the cold and damp – seems to me OKATO of the buckets with water. I lay on the floor is almost bare, if not impute stockings, shoes and wet tear blouses. The body painfully nylo, feeling the taste in the mouth of blood. Very damaged hair. But the worst was the uncertainty in which I stayed. So long as I beat my packs could somehow explain. But why was I still had to disrobe and?
– Ochuhalas? – Evil smiled stained thin lips and to whom I was obliged to its emergence here – Well, then continue …
– How many – continue? – I tryahnula humming like a bell, head.
– Teach you, bitch you edakaya! To nepovadno was our kids torment!
In desperation, I wanted to fight because of the head, and only immediately I felt how much my hands tied behind their backs. Thus, it only lacked …
– Truly, what I muchila? Empty! – I groan, as a leak in a panic – you me with someone confused!
I was raised to his feet falls. I just do not cry through humiliation, noticing the man in the crowd. I discovered him at once. It was the landlord Tire Service, long a drunkard and a priest of one of my former students. Dnes this nondescript muzhichok, sirech always podshofe, stood near the compressor to pump tires and poigryvaya his black rubber hose, brazen pyalilsya my bald charm.
– We do not trifle confusing, Ludmila Fyodorovna! – Tknula knobby finger at me in the chin tonkogubaya lahudra – Come on, P., show her mother kuzkinu! Let remember my son Grishenku!
For my back poslyshalas strange race. Some divorced towards my buttocks.
– How are you doing?! – I cried in horror, realizing how much the compressor tube inserted in my ass.
– Teach you will, a goat!
Тогда же мощнейший затрещина почти дых буквально согнул меня пополам – это Петрович открыл воздушный вентиль. From my eye bryznuli tears intercepted breath. While I vypuchennymi eyes enough air through your mouth, my executioners rub their hands in satisfaction.
– Which, happily, Ms. Andreychuk? – Echidna said aunt in velvet jeans – and if my Vovochka the army bundle, just fun?
– Follow that? – Prohripela I – I did not do this to him!
– You made it worse – insinuatingly aunt explained, dohnuv me wrong alcohol – You’re it into two age without мамочки left! Come on, Petrovich!
Petrovich still made, so yes, but my eyes nearly vylezli their orbits. Consistent intestine that hit sledgehammer. Well even that is under the pressure of the air hose, pushed out of my Popko, and this gave me a little breathing room. Unfortunately, it lasted long.
– Fart is nothing to be all gadina! – Angrily proshipela mother of the famous oboltusa Yevgenia Efanova, pihaya hose back into my ass.
– Also, what do you do? – Vzvyla me.
Roth, I trembled from the hole streams lilis tears and I could not have zero to do with this. Only my meal, it seems, just amuse Brutal doggery mother.
– Shut up, I said! And you, Petrovich, kachni-ka разок it yet because my Zhenechku!
– May be enough to rock it, babonki? – P. doubted, looking for my wry face.
– This brain was Zhenechka! This constituted such pitiful! – Zalamyvaya hand, continued to wail Efanovskaya mother – and this sterva …
– Yes your Zhenia not attended classes together! – In desperation, I screamed, but because it was a simple truth.
– It is not how you talk, bitch!
This once salvo of compressed air was of such force that I can not stand for the legs and densely rygnuv, settled for the floor.
– Unreasonable to you, vrazhina! – Пнула me in the rumble Efanova life and, rather, moved aside to watch because my Korçe.
I had no breath, how to replace it jumped shaggy thick aunt in riding, and also started to ask me to yield to Petrovich «Gas» follow her beloved offspring. «Oh-Ow! – With a silent horror, I thought, nervously podergivaya download wrists to his back – when I will pump up to жопу each lost obalduya respite, then it is not funny, I’ll … »The most offensive, but a child of the aunt, nekazisty round-shouldered man with the surname Gopak facetious , fail entirely consistent with all subjects, so that it subsequently expelled the first session was not only consistent with my mercy.
– … And here razleglas it then, eyes shameless! – Klikushestvovala lady in leggings, shocked all of my previously narrow openwork shorts – Above Olezhek in boots clay mesit, as it was at stud shastaet! Stockings wore! Manda away! Cords blyadskuyu in жопу ruler! Pah! Come on, it gazani, P., in this most жопу!
P. impressed not bring myself to beg endlessly. I managed to feel the vibration tolkotolko hose in ass, just my eyes again polezli of the orbits. This one I will be suffering from a long time. And the hose is no longer bouncer outside, lady in leggings obligingly followed his hand. The disease of the stomach raspiraniya was extreme.
– Aaa! – Istoshno yelp I uzhom meanders on the floor – I can not! Stop! It hurts!
From the fear that my guts are about to burst, I have not tried to portray pride. Finally, P. failed these cries, and closed the valve.”
[Have another shot of Isopropyl on me, Pav. –Bunk]
Wow, did our friend from the Harold Bloom post get into the vodka?
If I’d seen this, I wouldn’t have deleted the comment; it is an hilarious work. Live and learn, I guess.
Inebriated prose is the best.
“Klikushestvovala lady in leggings, shocked all of my previously narrow openwork shorts.”
Pure efficient genius. Gotta live it. You just can’t make that stuff up.
Nor can we refute it. After all, we never saw Klikushetvovala lady in leggings, did we?