I don’t know about you, but I’ve always enjoyed lunching with my imaginary friends. They never sass you, they’re not expensive to feed, and they always tell you that you look mahvelous, dahling. And so it was with great anticipation that arranged to take in the swanky jazz brunch at Elixir Bistro in the Opus Hotel with two of my best friends, only one of whom is imaginary.
Can you tell which one just by looking?
Yes, right there in the heart of deepest, darkest Yaletown, Raul Pacheco and I entertained one of Vangroover’s most popular imaginary friends, Emme Rogers, everyone’s favorite poster girl for post-tomboy twentysomething singletonhoodnikism. As imaginary people go (they go anywhere they want; how could you stop them, eh? Answer me that!) Emme manifests a little more manifestly than most, as you can see from the photograph above. She manifested right on time (I, of course, was late, for entrance-making purposes and also because, well, I’m always late; hey, I was born a month late, so I figure I’m 29 days early for everything) and settled into a cozy banquette seat in the smaller, plusher room away from the main bistro floor. Sort of a posh, padded snuffbox of a room: there was velvet. There may have been ormolu. But I don’t actually know what ormolu is, so I can’t say for sure (isn’t it an endangered species?).
After a brief discussion of why everyone in the neighborhood seems to dress for cocktails when it’s still breakfast time (Pucci halters and hotpants?), we scan the menu interestedly. The coffee manifests immediately, always the sign of a quality brunch establishment to my mind, and it is, by the way, excellent. We ordered, and it was not long before I heard my favorite words.
Not, “Johnny Depp would like your number.”
No: “The chef would like to send you something special.” Why yes, YES, the chef may indeed send over a platter of amuse gueles: fried bread with vanilla-infused maple syrup, wild berries and creme fraiche, and spiced hot chocolate (one of my very favoritest things, which you can rarely get in this too-WASPY city), and all excellent.
Then the gossip is served, cold. I ask about a typical week in Emme’s life. She replies that there is typically nothing the same from one week to another in the life of an imaginary girl-about-town. Summer has been dead quiet for, as everyone knows, Vancouver shuts down in the summer; everyone is either at their cabin in the Gulf Islands/up at Whistler or pretending to be at their cabin in the Gulf Islands/up at Whistler. Emme’s looking forward to the Fall, when the parties start up again and the “duelling vacation game” stops.
“I do love the big, fancy parties,” she says, “but I can’t completely relax at those. It’s when I’m in someone’s back yard or at a great party standing at the sink, washing dishes and just chatting, that I can really relax.”
“In fact, I really enjoy downtimes with my nieces and I’m taking them out for a fancy tea. We’ll wear boas and tiaras. Oh yeah, the whole nine yards! That’s actually my big event for the season, the one I’m looking forward to most.”
Awwww. I don’t have the heart to tell her Debrett’s says you can’t wear a tiara unless you’re married. Why do I even know these things?
Brunch arrives, and is delicious. I’m a sucker for salade Nicoise, and I’ve never seen or consumed a better one than the one at Elixir. Behold:
Part II Coming Soon
I’ll bet you didn’t save any salad for me :(
Or am I condemned to an imaginary meal – – –
This was such a great time!
More fun than I could fit on one post! And no, I didn’t save any salad for you. This was a month ago: I don’t think the eggs and tuna would have improved in the meantime. Wait till you see the rest of it, and the SECOND round of free tasty bites that the chef sent over. I luv that chef something fierce now.
I had a good chuckle reading this.
I imagined for a moment that I was having an imaginary brunch with my imaginary friends. I had a good time too. We should do that again sometime, fun times.
BIG party for all my imaginary friends. Meet at top of the North Tower of Cair Paravel. Drinks are on Batman!
(I’ll get the rest up as soon as I can; this computer is not very cooperative tonight. Wait till you see the rest of the food!).
Oooh, getting into food porn now, are you? That salad really does look fabulous.
Here is some squiddy porn for you (taken just about an hour ago)… http://twitpic.com/iz42a
Oooh, I’ll have what you’re having!
Loving the fact that the Internet now says this thirty-something is now twenty-something and cause its the internet, it can’t lie now can it!?!
Now – did somebody say something about Johnny Depp? Wondering if you write, ‘late breaking Van City Gossip! This just in. Rumour has it gal about town, Emme Rogers is now dating Johnny Depp.’ Will that come true too! Because the Internets the Bible, right?
And as for Debrett’s, just let them try to tell me I can’t wear a tiara. Who put them in-charge of etiquette anyhow? Thinking they should come take a few etiquette lessons from me. I’ll teach them a thing or two on whats proper.
Now, I do have one beef. I showed up to that big party on top of the North Tower of Cair Paravel and Batman wasn’t buying the drinks. Hell, if we get right down to it, no one else was there other than me. Did you guys ditch me?
“Twentysomething girl-about-town Emme Rogers, recently rumoured to be dating Johnny Depp, has now married the artsie heart-throb. You can tell because she’s wearing a tiara.”
Don’t say I never did nuthin for ya.
We didn’t ditch you; we forgot to tell you that it was an Invisible Party. Next time, bring your cloak!