Flamewars of the Anklebiters!

You think Chihuahuas are vicious? You think they’re yappy? You think they’re neurotic? You haven’t met their owners.

Our latest flamewar comes to us from Gawker, where it grew from a post about the nutbag hoarder who dropped off 43 of the little fanged mutants at the Victoria SPCA.

m4ximusprim3 08/10/10

See, here’s where I think deportation is a great idea. I would round up every fucking rat dog in san diego and demand to see their papers. Those without valid visas would be put in a dump truck and poured off a bridge 1′ south of the midline of the rio grande. Any that swam north would be shot for trying to re-immigrate.

I love dogs, but hate rats. And I’ve never yet seen any evidence that Chiuahuas belong in the former category. Reply

@m4ximusprim3: You don’t love dogs. Reply

m4ximusprim3 promoted this comment

@Rosewater: I love real dogs! dogs that obey commands and don’t shiver uncontrollably in 100 degree heat. If you can accidentally step on it, it’s not a dog. Reply

@m4ximusprim3: If you want to come off as tactless and juvenile there are 3 things to make fun of: a person’s name; their accent; their dog. I’m sure you’re a rugged, woodsy outdoor type with a pair of all-American retrievers you hunt with regularly. We’re not all so manly, or have something to compensate for, so please try to be more understanding. Also, the last I knew, they allow chihuahuas at Westminster, and I’d say the AKC is a better arbiter of what is and isn’t a dog than you. Reply

m4ximusprim3 promoted this comment

@bunzah_steele: Taxonomy and practicality are separate issues. Tomatoes and squashes are technically fruits, but you won’t find them in any fruit salads. Chihuahuas are technically dogs, but they don’t perform any of the activities normally associated with dogs, besides possibly barking.

I’m not saying you can’t love them, I’m saying they’re closer to trembly mole creatures than any practical definition of a dog. And if I had my way, they’d get cleared the hell out of san diego, where they’re ubiquitous as purse dogs and generally quite annoying. Reply

@bunzah_steele: And I’m against hunting on principle. If you want to take down a deer, you should have to fight it with a knife so the deer has a chance. Reply

@m4ximusprim3: The purpose of chihuahuas is to be companion animals – particularly in the city, a task at which they excel. In that respect I’d say they are eminently practical. It’s not like they’re some breed developed 400 years ago in Scotland to hunt something now extinct that people continue breeding so they can parade it around to enhance their self image. How many people own mastiffs or sheepdogs that live the same life as any pampered sissy chihuahua? Incidentally, I’ve only been mocked with the tired “rat” putdown twice while walking my dogs, but this is New York and there are plenty of small dogs here because it makes sense to have a small dog in a small apartment. If San Diego is so terribly overrun, maybe YOU should get the hell out. Something to consider. Reply

@m4ximusprim3: You want to know something that will probably make you go batshit crazy and have a fit in which you writhe around, froth at the mouth and bite the furniture? Yes? Well, many many small dogs are actually bred in Mexico and smuggled over the border and sold either on the street or in so-called “pet shops”. Happy now? Reply

@m4ximusprim3: I’m a dog handler, and work with a number of different breeds of dogs. And chihuahuas are definitely dogs. I’ve seen them swim, hunt (butterflies), wrestle, play fetch, and do tricks. Like many small dogs they crave human companionship and attention somewhat more than large dogs. They are not particularly like rats, which my tiny poodle enjoys killing. Reply

@m4ximusprim3: hey if I had MY was San Diego would get cleared out of Cali. Good thing we don’t always get what we want! Reply

@m4ximusprim3: Max, you know what, if you got a little dog to take care of, say someone you know and like asked you to take care of their tiny dog just for a week, a weird thing would happen, you’d start to like this dog and find out the endearing qualities, and you’d see small dogs in a whole new way, and the reason I can tell this is because you defended bambi so you have a soft heart after all. Hahaha. Reply

@krismry: Between you and me, the funny thing is that my post started out as a halfhearted troll. I don’t like the little monsters much, but I certainly don’t hate them. Bunzah just got so vehement so quickly that I had to try to keep it going :) Reply

@m4ximusprim3: I never used the term “fucking,” advocated killing or used right wing anti-immigrant language in anything I wrote right out of the gate. So I think you win the vehemence award (a sash of rotting sardines). Your post was nasty, offensive and not funny. Practically everything mean you wrote was before I posted a word. So don’t blame it on me. OK, troll fed. Good night! Reply

@m4ximusprim3: They’re doing more or less the same thing with humans.

But Chihuahua people are “fragile,” so behold the hate you get for saying this.

Chihuahuas are horrible, virtually untrainable, dumb knicknacks with teeth and bad tempers. They are pets for people who don’t actually like, you know, PETS. Reply

@m4ximusprim3: “Trembly mole creature.” Exactly! Reply

@raincoaster: I think you’ve gotten to the heart of the issue- it’s really the Chihuahua people I hate, not their hairless, yapping charges.

Also, how on earth have I not hearted you before? We agree on virtually everything.

Rectified! Reply

@m4ximusprim3: Sorry, but I have to comment.
I have a 2 year old long-haired chihuahua named Charlie. Not only does he barely ever bark, he is a loyal, fun, clean DOG. I go on 15km runs all the time and he always keeps up. He’s not some little purse dog who yaps at everyone.
So to generalize like that is very insulting. Reply

@raincoaster: Love at last! At least something good came of this. Reply

raincoaster promoted this comment

@bunzah_steele: It’s great that you’re not defensive and high-strung. Because that would only reinforce what I’d said. Reply

@raincoaster: And it’s refreshing that you’re not brutal, nasty, contemptuous and thin-skinned. Anybody can see from your posts in this thread that your humor is a marvel of droll subtlety. Reply

@mcstabby: I apologize wholeheartedly to Charlie for lumping him in with the rest of his hairless mole cousins. I’m sure he’s a wonderful little bag of joy who brings great happiness to all who know him.

That being said, he looks like a cat. Sorry. Reply

@m4ximusprim3: wow, I have no idea what kind of cats you see. Reply

@bunzah_steele: What, you didn’t know all of that already? Don’t you have teh googlez where you live? Reply

@raincoaster: Oh right. You’re FAMOUS. I have to read your book. Reply

@raincoaster: Oh, and drowning in cash, by the looks of your site. Reply

@raincoaster: I swear I hit the damn pencil 24 times in 2 browsers and everything I could think of to cancel that mean one. I’m really sorry. Reply

@bunzah_steele: No worries. If I couldn’t take a hit now and again I’d get off the internet.

Besides, if I’m famous for anything, it’s my impecuniousness! Reply

@raincoaster: Seriously, that video was the perfect humorous kiss-off and I hail your wit and timing. Reply

@bunzah_steele: Thanks. See? What did I say? GROUP HUG! Reply

@bunzah_steele: I assume you know about this site:


The Tomb of the Chihuahua Pharaohs Reply

@raincoaster: Yes, a friend sent it to me long ago. It’s pretty normal compared The Chihuahua Kingdom, which no longer exists. That was a site run by a husband & wife who had like 20 dogs living in individual plush cuevas, arranged like a subdivision. While they came off as very knowledgeable and responsible dog owners, the site was set up around a medieval castle theme, with sections like the Court of Learning and a Bridge of Remembrance. They had pretty good dog-rearing info nonetheless and this was back when I had my first chi. Then one day there was a message to the effect of “My wife, having assumed the identity of Steve on the site, has assumed it in real life. We are seeking immediate counseling and will be back when she is normal.” Which apparently never happened. So you’re right, chihuahua owners can be a fragile bunch, something I demonstrated myself. I’m still thoroughly abashed at my own ankle-biting with you, I guess it’s true that dog owners eventually start behaving like their pets! Of course, I’m all yours if you let me lick the paté knife. Reply

@bunzah_steele: Oh my. That’s a wonderful story: I live for that sort of thing.

I had a border collie. Not sure what that says about me, except that I couldn’t take her near the playground because she would bite at the ankles of the kids in an attempt to herd them up the slide.

No worries. Getting into these kinds of spats is more or less what the comments section here is FOR, and nobody as equal-opportunity offensive as me goes long without getting up somebody’s nostrils.

2 thoughts on “Flamewars of the Anklebiters!

  1. Love the fact that the angry one tells *you* that “Anybody can see from your posts in this thread that your humor is a marvel of droll subtlety.” Can’t tell if it was meant as sarcasm or not… :)

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