This is so going to make me millions
Looks like I’m going to be in the hospital and offline some of Monday and much of Tuesday; I have a wonderful procedure scheduled for Tuesday in which they dope me to the gills but leave me loopily conscious, then stick a fiberoptic cable down my throat and up my bile duct, and when they find the obstruction which is causing my liver to poison itself they will laser that fucker into oblivion. Sadly, they would not hear of installing high-speed internet, even though it’s just one more cable. Whatever.
In the meantime, here is some vintage raincoaster for your enjoyment and eddificationizationism.
Random post on raincoaster.com
YouWantAPieceOfMe jewelry because EVERYBODY wants a piece of raincoaster
The Shebeen Club, for you literary types
raincoaster media, all the social media stuff you’ll ever need. Well, not quite or you’d never need to take my classes, right?
Lolebrity: doing for Jennifer Aniston and Prince Hot Ginge what 4chan did for cats
Ayyyy.com, gently making fun of celebrities.
ManoloFood, because if there’s one thing Vancouver needs, it’s another food and beverage blog.
Paypal donation. Because eventually the hospital will cut me off morphine and then I’ll need LOTS of Hendrick’s and Bombay Sapphire.
and as a reward and bloggy sort of stocking-stuffer, here is seven minutes and thirty-some-odd seconds of Severus Snape‘s most marvelously malevolent moments:
and bonus: Snape bringing sexy back
raincoaster 
Good luck, Rain.
Thanks! They say the procedure is totally routine.
Oh, I’m sure. Still, I’m also sure there are about 195371309 other things you’d rather be doing instead. Take care!
Yep. I don’t want to be bilious and on a low-fat, no alcohol diet over Christmas!
Don’t forget to take your cellphone charger and a comfortable pillow(s), as well as headphones, music, glasses (if you wear). Also an eye-mask and earplugs so you can get some sleep, hospitals are the worst places to heal. Take some snacks, and tell your friends and relatives to bring you matzo ball soup and turkey (pastrami) sandwiches (the food will be awful and never there when you’re actually hungry) I totally would if I was in BC, I’ve been in the ‘hospittle’ and that part sucks, you really learn who your friends are. They say “routine,” and I’m sure it is, but just in case they keep you an extra day or two for observation, be prepared. But you’ll have many happy, healing thoughts (some call them prayers) coming from all directions, mine included, so take care of yourself and get well soon! LW.
p.s. The comic strip was superb, I totally don’t feel bad now in joining you for some much needed guilt-free carbon-neutral R & R. And I will add my new favorite word-brid “Eddificationizationism” to my vocabetoir and try to get over not thinking of it first (and stealing it for the title of my memoir). It’s very close to “Addavacationizationism,” which basically means “when life hands you lemons, make Limoncellos.” So make the best of your down-time, the hardest part is not letting these things get you down and robbing you of that, ergo relax, get better, and you’ll be all charged up and ready to continue your quest for universal media domination before you know it. Just don’t let them take all your gall. (best to take a Sharpie too.)
Wishing you a speedy recovery and as short as time as possible at St Paul’s.
Thanks. It’s true what LW said about the food there; it is legendarily bad. I used to work in a hospital kitchen, and I know there is no excuse for the glop they are serving.
I’m bringing my laptop, my favorite PJs, my slipper socks, an 800 page book of true mystery stories, my favorite Christmas ghost story book, and a boxed set of 200 horror movies including the original Nosferatu. AND Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, in case they give me morphine again.
Thanks for the good wishes, all. I’ll update Facebook and probably Twitter as soon as I’m home from the hospital. If you see nothing on either tomorrow, it means they kept me inside. If you hear Margaret Thatcher and Brian Mulroney and Stephen Harper have been strangled in their beds, you’ll know I died and god let me have a little fun before I had to report to hell.
All the best, Rainy. I’ve had two surgeries that I’ve deliberately scheduled for just before Xmas to avoid losing income (I’m a self-employed teacher)and also to use as an excuse to avoid boring invites.
Helpful hints? You may be queasier than you expect after the surgery, so I highly recommend good quality sorbet, and tastywhole wheat bread (which you might want to eat plain). And loose fitting schlumphy clothes to spend the first few days in and out of hospital in. You may feel bloated. Do however – and this is crucial – bring makeup, maybe a new lipstick, and bring hair stuff, whatevs you use, gel, spray, mousse, clips, curling iron,…funeral parlor esthetic. Do a good job of prettying yourself from the neck up and no one will notice a few days of droopy-the-rest-of-you. Oh, and I can’t stress enough – watch out for that nasty antabuse type reaction to that drug you’re taking. Specifically ask the docs (or better, just search the web). I REALLY can’t stress how uh…unpleasant the reaction is. Un abrazo muy fuerte, amiga. ¡que te mejores!
I ALWAYS have loose-fitting, schlumpy clothes: I live in Vancouver and like to fit in.
I’m free of the Flagyl now, so I can drink with impunity except for tonight. But I might get a good haircut before I go in for the surgery on the 28th, because you’re right: those hospital gowns take a lot of your power away, and I’d rather look like someone to be reconned with (or flirted with; did I tell you the surgeons were all very flirtatious? and cute?). And I’ll bring my own wraps and cardigans, too.
I did blow $35 on an YSL lipgloss, but I look divine in it, so it was worth it.
Not really sure if I’ll get paid for December since I’ve only made three posts this month, but it’s okay, as I went and got myself on welfare anyway, as I didn’t expect to be able to work at all.