Happy Easter, Kids! You will be eaten first. Should we start with the ears?

Did you ever wonder what motivates the great metaphysical characters of Western civilization? What drives the Tooth Fairy to make his/her nightly rounds, exchanging discarded pieces of human skulls for cold, hard cash? Is Santa a slave to the whims of children worldwide, or is he working some grand master plan? And what are we to make of a bunny who lays chocolate eggs? What kind of creepy Pon-Farr-ish motivation or downmarket chemical stimulus drives him to his zygote-scattering frenzy?

Now we know.