The Easter Bunny: an emo bio

Happy Easter, Kids! You will be eaten first. Should we start with the ears?

Happy Easter, Kids! You will be eaten first. Should we start with the ears?

Did you ever wonder what motivates the great metaphysical characters of Western civilization? What drives the Tooth Fairy to make his/her nightly rounds, exchanging discarded pieces of human skulls for cold, hard cash? Is Santa a slave to the whims of children worldwide, or is he working some grand master plan? And what are we to make of a bunny who lays chocolate eggs? What kind of creepy Pon-Farr-ish motivation or downmarket chemical stimulus drives him to his zygote-scattering frenzy?

Now we know.

How Easter Started

How Easter Started

How Easter Started

Lesson learned: Don’t give The Big Guy any crazy ideas, duh.

Easter: what REALLY happened

It explains so much.

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Happy Easter!

Easter is perhaps Christianity‘s most solemn festival, and it is in this spirit that we present the following audio-visual tribute to Our Lord, Jesus Christ:

Jesus sez: I'll be back!
The history of The Vatican Rag:

Another big news story of the year (1965) concerned the Ecumenical Council in Rome, known as Vatican II. Among the things they did, in an attempt to make the church more commercial, was to introduce the vernacular into portions of the mass to replace Latin, and to widen somewhat the range of music permissible in the liturgy. But I feel that if they really want to sell the product in this secular age, what they ought to do is to re-do some of the liturgical music in popular song forms. I have a modest example here. It’s called The Vatican Rag…

Peep Show

I don’t like Peeps. They remind me of those noxious, spongy banana candies that taste like the dandruff on Satan’s shoulders, only with artificial banana flavouring, corn syrup solids, and yellow dye #42. When I say I don’t like Peeps, I mean I actually and actively despise them. And I have never let one near my mouth.

But that could all change if only I could find these:

Cthulhu Peeps!

Do you know where Peeps come from?

Peepco factory, yo

And do you know how Peeps end up? As with the characters in a Bruce Springsteen song or any other entity whose marketability depends on freshness and whose freshness the very processes of marketing degrade, they first detour into “art films”:

Peeps in film. Or is that fillum?

And this is where they end up:

Peep Show

Or, even more pathetically:

Shoutout to my Peeps

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