thanks to Master Cowfish for this.
http://www.oedipusthemovie.com/ – The story of OEDIPUS in 8 minutes performed by vegetables in the tradition of BEN-HUR. Featuring a Potato, a Tomato, Broccoli, Garlic, and Billy Dee Williams as the Bartender. Official Selection 60+ film festivals including Sundance…
And oh yeah, we’re tasteless ’round these parts, so it gets the “Family” tag. Let it not be said that I have failed to transcend the concept of human dignity.
All hail Devilstower, the author of this, the ultimate and definitive American political commentary. Jon (World’s Greatest American) Stewart should be so lucky as to write something this good.
via Fark.
The Constitution of the United States 2.0
As there have lately been so many changes to the basic functioning of the United States — a shift of powers here, a whittling away of rights there, it seems a good time to issue a revised version of the basic operating document. This is the real Republican Contract with America.We the Republicans of the United States, in Order to prevent any challenge to our continued Supremacy, free ourselves from the Confines of Justice, placate the Tranquil masses, degrade the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of War Profiteering for ourselves and our Friends, do ordain and establish Constitution 2.0 for the United States of America.
ARTICLE I
Section 1
All legislative Powers are hereby ceded to the Executive branch, though the Congress will still make a Grand Noise and wave their arms as if they give a Damn.Section 2
The House of Representatives will consist of those best able to Lick the Boots of the Lobbyists and Corporations lining their pockets.No one can be a Representative unless Fox News says that he is a Patriotic American,
Representation shall be apportioned based on numbers of people willing to Pay for the Privilege. The actual Enumeration shall be made whenever it is of benefit to Republicans.
Representatives will choose a Speaker and other Officers by how willing these Officers are to turn a blind eye to the Crimes of Republicans and how Loudly they will Declare the Daily Talking Points.
Section 3
The Senate shall… oh hell, just see Section 1.The Vice President shall be President of the Senate and can use any Four Letter Word he wants in talking to Senators, so F-You, Leahy.
Section 4
Elections will be held whenever Diebold is prepared to provide the Right Results.Section 5
Each House shall make a mockery of policing itself and shall be free to throw out all the Democrats they want, but Republicans who engage in Pederasty shall be protected.Section 6
Republican Senators and Representatives will enjoy a Revolving Door of organizations who pay for votes, and give them jobs any time they are taking a break.Section 7
The House and Senate shall apply a large Rubber Stamp to every suggestion issued by the President.Section 8
The House shall raise all the taxes they want on the poor and middle-class so long as they leave the Rich alone.The Congress will dodge all responsibility for decisions on War.
Section 9
The rules of Immigration shall be set in a way that protects Republican majorities.Section 10
Any treaties are not worth the paper they are Written on.ARTICLE II
Section 1
The President can do anything he wants, that’s what’s good about being President. Heh heh.Section 2
The President can wear any uniform he wants and pretend to fly planes.Section 3
The President and the Congress should split some beers now and then, but he doesn’t have to invite any Democrats.Section 4
Having sex is a good Reason to get rid of a President. Lying, being Incompetent, Wasting Billions, and getting Thousands of Americans Killed, is fine.ARTICLE III
This Article was full of that Judge stuff, so we just took it out.ARTICLE IV
We can declare any place we want part of the United States so they can call their stuff “Made in the USA,” but don’t go thinking they get representation.ARTICLE V
Amendments to the Constitution will only be for Really Important Stuff, like how scared we are of Homos and Foreign People.ARTICLE VI
You can ignore any part of this Constitution if it gets in the way of Profit or something that gets Republicans elected.ARTICLE VII
People are supposed to be afraid all the Time, otherwise they do too damn much Thinking.
Head over to Jesus’ General and pay your respects.
If you have no idea what this is about, check out this remix of a classic, by Karl, one of the General‘s loyal soldiers, or the Colbert Report below it.
As long as we’re rewriting the values our nation has so long held dear (from liberty and justice to tyranny and oppression), perhaps we must also rewrite our songs. My humble submission:
America the Beautiful
My country tis of thee,
Sweet land of liberty tyranny,
Of thee I sing.
Land where my fathers died!
Land of the Pilgrim’s torturer’s pride!
From every mountain side,
Let freedom screams of the tortured ring!
Yes, it’s the well-beloved classic from the Arrogant Worms, as enacted by a group of landlocked Canuckistani teenagers. These guys are evidently so Saskatchewani that they can’t even find a puddle to use as a backdrop, and make do with a playground and some barns instead. All in the adaptive, piratical spirit of the original, it must be admitted.
The Last Saskatchewan Pirate
I used to be a farmer and I made a livin’ fine
I had a little stretch of land along the CP line
But times went by and though I tried the money wasn’t there
And bankers came and took my land and told me fair is fair
I looked for every kind of job, the answer always no
“Hire you now?” they always laughed, “We just let twenty go!”
The government they promised me a measly little sum
But I’ve got too much pride to end up just another bum
Then I thought who gives a damn if all the jobs are gone
I’m going to be a pirate on the River Saskatchewan….
Arrrrrgh!
Cause it’s a Heave! Ho! Hay! Ho! Comin’ down the plains
Stealin’ wheat and barley and all the other grains
It’s a Ho! Hay! Hi! Hay! Farmers bar your doors
When you see the Jolly Roger on Regina’s mighty shores
Well you’d think the local farmers would know that I’m at large
But just the other day I found an unprotected barge
I snuck up right behind them and they were none the wiser
I rammed the ship and sank it and I stole their fertilizer
A bridge outside of Moosejaw spans a mighty river
Farmers cross in so much fear their stomachs are aquiver
‘Cause they know that Tractor Jack is hiding in the bay
I’ll jump the bridge and knock them cold and sail off with their hay
Cause it’s a Heave! Ho! Hay! Ho! Comin’ down the plains
Stealin’ wheat and barley and all the other grains
It’s a Ho! Hay! Hi! Hay! Farmers bar your doors
When you see the Jolly Roger on Regina’s mighty shores
Well Mountie Bob he chased me, he was always at my throat
He’d follow on the shoreline but he didn’t own a boat
But cutbacks were a comin’ and the mountie lost his job
So now he’s sailin’ with me and we call him Salty Bob
A swingin’ sword, a scull ‘n’ bones and pleasant company
I never pay my income tax and screw the G.S.T. (screw it!)
Prince Albert down to Saskatoon, the terror of the sea
If you want to reach the Co-op, boy, you gotta get by me!
Cause it’s a Heave! Ho! Hay! Ho! Comin’ down the plains
Stealin’ wheat and barley and all the other grains
It’s a Ho! Hay! Hi! Hay! Farmers bar your doors
When you see the Jolly Roger on Regina’s mighty shores
Well pirate life’s appealing but you don’t just find it here
I’ve heard that in Alberta there’s a band of buccaneers
They roam the Athabaska from Smith to Fort McKay
You’re gonna lose your Stetson if you have to pass their way
Well winter is a comin’ and a chill is in the breeze
My pirate days are over when the river starts to freeze
I’ll be back in spring time, but now I have to go
I heard there’s lots of plunderin’ down in New Mexico
Cause it’s a Heave! Ho! Hay! Ho! Comin’ down the plains
Stealin’ wheat and barley and all the other grains
It’s a Ho! Hay! Hi! Hay! Farmers bar your doors
When you see the Jolly Roger on Regina’s mighty shores
God, I hope I don’t get to liking this succeeding at this; I’m already online so damned much I’m thinking of getting a “Hubba Hubba Heinie” mold for my computer chair. No time for yoga, dammit! Don’t worry, it’s not as if I have anything to say anyway.
[odeo=http://odeo.com/audio/2001676/view]
raincoaster 