Fugly. It’s the new pretty. For those of you who’ve been out of the loop, possibly sharing living quarters with Wiarton Willie lo these many months, I shall explain that “Fugly” is a contraction: the first part starts with “f” and rhymes with “trucking” and the second part is “ugly.” Are we all clear about that now, with our sensibilities nicely intact, our knickers untwisted, noses in joint and everything? Supah.

Now we’re going to blow them up completely.

Welcome to FuglyNet, possibly the least PC site on the Ubernet.

There’s nothing purer than the site of a carnivore felling its prey. For whatever reason, these hapless, waterbuffalo-like specimens saw fit to post their portraits to the Web. That makes them fair game …

The images in this site were gathered from the far corners of the World Wide Web, in places where dreary, commonplace (commonface) people desperately scrabble for attention by posting their mugs for an international audience to gawk. The images that follow were all posted by people whose message to the World (Wide Web) is “Hey, look at me!”

So look at them — they asked for it!

The very best thing on the site is the hate mail they received (keep a beady eye peeled for the “this little piggy got hate mail” icon) from this idiot. It’s the most elegant, the most complete, and the most amusing destruction of a human psyche I’ve ever seen. Indeed a thing of beauty and a joy forever. Here’s a snippet from near the beginning of the correspondence. People have a lot of time to email on the wards, you know.

i cant imagine how or even if you do have any friends and if you do i dont know how they can stand such a low-life creep like you!

I suppose there are a lot of things you can’t imagine. Most people who don’t have a sense of humor don’t have much of an imagination, either.

But all is not lost. I’m sure there’s a place in this world for uncreative people who aren’t very good at thinking. A hot, loud, malodorous place where they get paid minumum wage.

For your enjoyment, here is a partial list of the site (mal)contents.

Know what I did to your daughter?

Oedipal Shudder

USPS Employee of the Month

Queen of the Zooks

Aim for the Neck, Polly

Through a glass, drunkly

Gene therapy beta tester #1017-B

He’s a lumberjack and he’s OK

Saved? from what?

The HMO version of rhinoplasty

Chief Fecologist for Big Burger Incorporated

Holland’s first olympic boxer

Karaoke Night at Bellevue

Half an inch short of Jihad

alt.fashion.mistake

A keg of beer, a can of beans, and thou

Whatever happened to Tammy Faye?

Love in the Undernet

Future Prison Bitches of America

Phi Kappa Weena: the sewage hits the sea

They Saved Hitler’s Wig!

Sergeant Fester’s Homely Farts Club Band

Why masochists are into blindfolds

Three reasons nobody takes Wicca seriously

The Grand Wizard’s Daughter

An officer and a pedophile

Count Dork-ula, Lord of the Uncool

Why Iranian women are kept under wraps

WebTV’s target market

An ounce of pretension is worth a pound of The Cure

Heaven’s Gate: The Next Generation

Five reasons never to date anyone you meet on the Internet

Behold, the white ape

Wasn’t thalidomide banned?

When ayran genes attack

Nerd Alert! Geek in sector four!

A man who eats possum

A heifer by any other name

The Geritol Ballet
 
He ain’t ugly, he’s my sister

Chairwomyn of the N.O.W. glee club

Eureka! The missing link!

Of course the salesman said it looked natural
 
What big breasts you have, grandpa!

An apple a day isn’t enough

He must be Belgian

The M.I.T. Homecoming Queen

My, what a handsome chemist

She doesn’t look like someone who has “more fun”

Chicks who play “Dungeons and Dragons”

It’s time to call the ASPCA when …

A face even a mother would slap

Why aren’t there any Irish supermodels?

Fourscore and seven pounds ago