Godzilla! And on McSweeney’s, no less.
He must have a much better agent than I do, the bastidge! Even though I am consumed with jealousy, I shall graciously extend the Squid tag to Godzilla, as he is just so frickin’ cool. His Lizardness is Honorary Calamari Grande.
June 8—Confused today about my place in this world. Am I the protector of Tokyo or the destroyer? Sometimes I just don’t know. I’ve smashed more than my share of buildings, but I’ve also vanquished a ton of other monsters. Therapist suggests these vanquishings have more to do with me staking my claim to my territory and with feelings of vulnerability when challenged than with playing the hero role. Must remember to stop putting off smashing of therapist’s office building. Also, mixed reactions of Japanese add to confusion. Which is it—”Oh, no! Godzilla! Run!” or “Thank goodness, Godzilla will save us from Rodan”?
June 9—It’s my weekend to have Minilla. The divorce still hits me pretty hard, but these weekend visitations are always uplifting. Of course, I always get some crap from Helen on Mondays about my parenting methods. “I don’t approve of you teaching him the fire-breath attack at such a young age, and I definitely don’t approve of you stomping on his tail when he couldn’t do it right away.” Will she ever understand that Mothra isn’t going to wait until a certain age to attack? That kid needs to be ready now.
Torn by good & evil and an incestuous love affair, a lonely and depraved Darth Vader has a nervous breakdown.
Oh, and have you seen his blog?
As decided by the AFL-CIO, who have some degree of experience with bad bosses.
Did I say that?
Here’s a snippet of the winning story. Read on, revenge is sweet.
The final straw came shortly after my father died unexpectedly. The owner didn’t believe in bereavement, and we were not allowed to use sick time without a doctor’s note. I used what little vacation time we were given (5 days a year) to bury my father and put his affairs in order. The company was nice enough to send flowers. Of course, they included a generic, unsigned card. The next month, my commission check was suspiciously light. $200 light, to be exact. When the billing sheets arrived the next day, my suspicions were confirmed. They billed me for the flowers they sent.
raincoaster 