quiz: what kind of bowel movement are you?

In keeping with recent posts

You scored as The Curly Poo. You’re the The Curly Poo, you curl up into a pile like dog poo and cartoon poo. People and dogs love a nice curly poo.

The Curly Poo
75%
Wet Shit
60%
Diarrhea
55%
The Long Turd
40%
Dry Shit
30%

What kind of BM are you?
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getting medieval on your astronaut!

How I love it when a loyal reader sends along a piece of web strangeness saying, “Saw this freakishness and thought of you.”

I feel speshul.

A certain horse blogger of heretofore normal inclinations has passed along the following sad and bizarre tale.

Remember when you were little, and you were asked what you wanted to grow up to be? Now, as a little girl I knew “cowboy” was off the table, but I saw no reason not to say “jillaroo” or, indeed, “astronaut.” “Firefighter” was for dumb lugs, sorry to my four cousins who became firefighters; I can only suggest they are playing against type.

Yes, didn’t we all want to be astronauts when we grew up? Everyone old enough to have seen the first Moon landing surely shares my one-time dream. But, as age and marks caught up with us, we realized we’d never have the PhD from MIT that seems to be the prerequisite, much less the Olympic medals, the Saudi princedom, or the College Republican presidency that are just the oak leaf clusters on the dingleberries of your application form.

We felt bad.

Ladies and gentlemen, allow us at the ol’ raincoaster blog to make your day. Allow us, in fact, to make up for decades of feelings of inadequacy. Your life may suck. Your job may involve the phrase “would you like fries with that?” Your love life may be as imaginary as your next vacation. Your socks could have holes, your dog could snap at you, and your shirt could well be tucked into your underwear at this very moment.

But you will never be the country-song-in-waiting that is the trainwreck which is this astronaut’s sorry-ass life.The mugshot goodness!

A NASA astronaut faces her first appearance before a judge this morning after police say she attacked her rival for another astronaut’s attention at Orlando International Airport Monday.

Lisa Marie Nowak drove more than 12 hours from Texas to meet the 1 a.m. flight of a younger woman who had also been seeing the astronaut Nowak pined for, according to Orlando police. She is being held on no bond at Orange County Jail and has a court appearance at 9 a.m.

Nowak — who was a mission specialist on a Space Shuttle Discovery flight last summer — was wearing a trench coat and wig and had a knife, BB pistol, and latex gloves in her car, reports show. They also found diapers, which Nowak said she used so she wouldn’t have to stop on the 1,000-mile drive.

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start your day off right, biotches: with the Spirit of Truth!

My mother was a Buddhist, but she never missed a service at the Pentecostal church down the street. This shiat is why.

Then she’d come home and watch Ernest Angeley. So that’s where I get it the multiculti freakness from, in case you’re axin’.

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the secret to hula-hooping

So this is why I can’t do it. From Explosm.

the secret to hula-hooping

quiz: which Herb Alpert and Tijuana Brass album cover are you?

You scored as Whipped Cream and Other Delights.

Whipped Cream and Other Delights
100%
Lonely Bull
92%
Warm
83%
S R O
83%
Going Places
83%
Ninth
75%
Beat of the Brass
67%
Summertime
67%
Christmas Album
67%
Brass Are Comin’
58%
Sounds Like
33%
What Now My Love
33%
Volume 2
25%
South of the Border
25%

Which classic Tijuana Brass Album cover are you?
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