The cops are on their way. Thank GOD I’d already washed the green gunk off my face!
Does this mean that in 48 hours I’ll be dealing with the ambulance?
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Category Archives: Police
Kumari Fulbright Schadenfreude Special: Beauty Queen Goes Bad
Ah, how the world loves a Beauty Queen. From the blister-inducing stripper heels in the swimsuit competition (guess they’ll be swimming with sharks) to the painful nailing of the tiara to the skull at the coronation, to the ozone-depleting layers of hairspray that make the triumphant ride in the convertible possible, truly il fait suffrir pour etre belle.
Or even, it appears, laide.
One man who suffered because his beauty queen was not laid was this poor, anonymous Arizona man, who dumped the handsome-looking Miss Kumari Fulbright, law student, model, Miss Pima County in 2005, Miss Desert Sun in 2006, and repeat Miss Arizona (and boyfriend) loser.
Bad move.
As you might have gathered from the above image of the doubtless-to-be-portrayed-by-Hilary Swank Miss Fulbright, she is no stranger to the handling of more weaponry than a law student/beauty queen/model could normally claim to require under standard operating procedure.
But she’s always been anything but standard, of course. So, naturally, when she found herself holed up alone in the Heartbreak Hotel, Dumpsville, she contacted three thugs of her acquaintance and persuaded them, presumably for a fee or services rendered, to assist her in the kidnapping and torturing of her now ex-beloved.
Court documents said the foursome tied the man up with plastic cable ties and duct tape, holding him at two Tucson homes, during which time they pointed handguns at him, threatened his life, stole his cell phone, briefcase and wallet, taking between $500 and $600.
The newspaper also said the documents accused Fulbright of biting him several times, sticking a butcher knife in his ear, saying she was going to kill him and pointing a pistol at him.The Star said after eight to 10 hours, the victim grabbed Fulbright’s gun, which went off, and he fled the house screaming for help.
Ah, but as with so many love stories, the best is yet to come. Yes, beauty queens give us many gifts. The gift of beauty, the gift of talent, the gift of youth, the gift of hope, but most of all…
the gift of Schadenfreude.
Click over the jump to view the truly satisfying end to a real-life Bruce Springsteen ballad gone bad…
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the (second) fight of my life
In retrospect I must say that I really couldn’t have picked a better fashion choice than Farmer Zombie for the street fight.
A little background, perhaps?
I live on the Downtown EastSide, an area where the average life expectancy has been estimated as low as 33 years, thanks to AIDS, Hep-A, Hep-B, Hep-C, tuburculosis, and a whole epidemiology text of diseases that were thought to belong to Victorian novels about impoverished chambermaids, not to mention the street fighting.
A 76-year-old man died last year when he was stabbed in an argument about a spot in line at the Food Bank a block from my house.
People on the things people are on down here are touchy.
But they are, as a rule, paranoid about people who look respectable. They know damn well you’ll call the cops on them and the cops will pay attention to you, so the violence is pretty much street-on-street, not street-on-norm, if you know what I mean, and if you don’t, perhaps I’ve lived down here too long.
But I was on the West Side. That’s the thing: the West Side is where we keep the Yuppies, the Preppies, and the Really Rich People From Hong Kong.
I’m never going west of Carrall Street again!
So, there I was on the West Side, minding, very much, my own business, as one does when one has a lot to think about at ten o’clock at night, Continue reading
raincoaster 