Category Archives: Sex

Canterbury Spam: Geoffrey Chaucer’s inbox

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From, obviously, Geoffrey Chaucer's blog or is that bloggue. Medieval BathhousesReally, you must go read the whole thing.

II. An churlish proposicioun of anatomical alchemie! (Mayster Gower, peraventure thys shal be of aide to thee?)

TO: GEOFFREY CHAUCER (daliaunce@hotmail.com)
FROM: AUGMENTULA SALES (492499@chanounsalchemie.com)
RE: BE SURE SHE CRITH NOT ‘TEE HEE’ AT THEE

A man werkynge wyth an mighi plowe can simplie plowe a bettir furrough than a man with a tinye plowe!

Woldstow haue a mighti plowe or a tinye oon?

Order AUGMENTULA todaye, and thou shalt experience the lyf-chaunginge benefittes thousandes of goode men haue whyle on the AUGMENTULA programme! Manye do witnesse grete increses yn the girth, lengthe, and potencie of the membrum virile, and do paye the debte of mariage yn gretere amountes than evir bifor. Finallie thou kanst marrye AND burne at the same tyme!

Maybe I should hook him up with those penis-scientists from a few posts ago…maybe he could get them some unicorn tissue to work with or sumpin'.

It’s now possible to replace a defective, damaged, or diseased penis with a penis grown in a laboratory

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Good, now half my girlfriends will drop the losers they're dating.

From WebMD via FoxNews, god forbid I should link to Fox News, via Fark.

It's now possible to replace a defective, damaged, or diseased penis with a penis grown in a laboratory

Researcher Anthony Atala, MD, director of the Institute for Regenerative Medicine at Wake Forest Baptist Medical Center, reported the findings at this week’s annual meeting of the American Urological Association in Atlanta.

"Our goal is eventually to treat infants and adults with birth defects, penis trauma, or penis cancer," Atala tells WebMD. "But this is a future goal. We are now deciding which animal model to explore next."

May raincoaster tastelessly suggest the horse?

Horse, baby!

fruit salad

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Because who doesn't like their kiwis nice and smooth? From Gawker:

Shave your Kiwis!

We realized we’d heard of this product before, the new Philips Bodygroom razor. But we’d never given it much before last night, when we found ourselves standing at a urinal and staring at this ad, which — and apologies for the crappy cameraphone pic — depicts two strategically positioned kiwis, one with its fuzz intact and the other freshly shorn, above the tagline, “Now you can shave wherever you want.” We were more than a little bit repulsed. Naturally we were at a bar in Chelsea.

But you really have to click over to see the comments, particularly the ones in verse.

Headline o’ the Day: Bust in Vagina Theft

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From the Ottawa Sun via Fark, bottom story. Um, so to speak.

BUST IN VAGINA THEFT

A 19-year-old man faces a theft charge after a hand-held vagina was stolen from an adult video store in Kingston. Police said the suspect allegedly selected the sex toy, ran from the Bath St. store and was chased by a staffer. Police found the man 10 minutes after the $80 toy was stolen. "We found him around the corner — and he had used it," said Const. Neil Finn. The toy was apparently dumped after being used and was not recovered.

You know, I was gonna make a joke about the Hand-Held Vagina, but I figured they'd never let me back on The Drive again. Probably repossess my Alanis Morrisette albums, too.

what oft was thought, but ne’er so well expressed

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True wit is nature to advantage dressed,
What oft was thought, but ne'er so well expressed,
Something, whose truth convinced at sight we find,
That gives us back the notion of the mind.
( Alexander Pope, "An Essay On Criticism" [1711] part 2, lines 297-300)

And wasn't it Shaw (it was always Shaw, Wilde, or Dorothy Parker) who said that the difference between nonfiction and novels was that anyone could read their own biography and think "ah, my secret is safe" while Anna Karenina would read Anna Karenina and burst out crying, "How did he know? How did he know?"

Not that this has anything to do with the video which follows, a version of Sleepless in Seattle recut as a horror movie, and not that I have recognized anything, ever. So stop looking at me like that.

And I'm not defensive, either.

Stolen heartlessly from the Ireneo's Memory blog.