Oooooh, I just know all my friends will be up for this challenge. Privacy International‘s offering a small roundup of awards for stupid security procedures, whether at the high school, the garbage cans, the airport, or just at the border between the US and Manitoba which is patrolled on the US side by armed militiamen, and on the Canadian side by two red cones, which represents, by the way, a doubling of security on Canada‘s part.
Let no man say we don’t take TWAT seriously!
In any case, here’s the scoop on the Stupid Security Awards, and may the stupidest win. Note that it is open to everyone, internationally.
Stupid security has become a global menace. From the airport that this month emptied out a full plane because a passenger was drinking from a lemonade bottle, to the British schools that fingerprint their children to “stop” the theft of library books, to the airline company that refused to allow passengers to bring books or magazines onto the plane, the world has become infested with bumptious administrators competing to hinder or harass us – and often for no good reason whatever.
The sensitive and sensible folk at Privacy International have endured enough of this treatment. So we are running an international competition to discover the world’s most pointless, intrusive, stupid and self-serving security measures.
The “Stupid Security Awards” aim to highlight the absurdities of the security industry. Privacy International’s director, Simon Davies, said his group had taken the initiative because of “innumerable” security initiatives around the world that had absolutely no genuine security benefit. The awards were first staged in 2003 and attracted over 5,000 nominations. This will be the second competition in the series.
“The situation has become ridiculous” said Mr Davies. “Security has become the smokescreen for incompetent and robotic managers the world over”.
Unworkable security practices and illusory security measures do nothing to help issues of real public concern. They only hinder the public, intrude unnecessary into our private lives and often reduce us to the status of cattle.
The airline industry is the most prominent offender, but it is not alone. Consider the UK rail company that banned train-spotters on the grounds of security (e.g. see this article(external). Or the security desk of a US office building that complained because paramedics rushing to attend a heart-attack victim had failed to sign-in. Or the metro company that installed a $20,000 biological weapons/gas detector and placed it openly next to a power plug so terrorists could conveniently unplug the device.
Privacy International is calling for nominations to name and shame the worst offenders. The competition closes on October 31st 2006. The award categories are:
- Most Egregiously Stupid Award
- Most Inexplicably Stupid Award
- Most Annoyingly Stupid Award
- Most Flagrantly Intrusive Award
- Most Stupidly Counter Productive Award
The competition will be judged by an international panel of well-known security experts, public policy specialists, privacy advocates and journalists.
The competition is open to anyone from any country. Nominations can be sent to stupidsecurity@privacy.org.
Details of previous award winners can be found below, or at http://www.privacyinternational.org/ssa2003winners.
raincoaster 
We’re sending national guardsmen to Mexico and an extra red cone to Manitoba? That’s hilarious in an odd way.
Nope–the red cones are ours. Or as we like to call ’em, Canadian Daleks.
Why d’you think we entrust them with defending our border against those loony militiamen from Jim Gilchrist’s stupid keep-America-white project?
We did have customs agents there, but as we all know, they’re unarmed, and Gilchrist’s men are not known for either distinguishing legit targets from, say, other militiamen, themselves, or indeed trees, and ARE known to not to carry documents of their own.
What constitutes a “legitimate” target for an bunch of paunchy 40-plus unauthorized, unsanctioned, undeputized gun nuts anyway? If they actually shot anyone–wouldn’t that be murder?
I nominate Gilchrist for the Most Annoying SSA.
Tell it to Privacy International. I love our Canadian Daleks!
Of course you heard about the Militia man protecting the Washington border from the hordes of Canuckistan terrorists who hurt himself and wanted to enter Canada to go to the hospital. He was refused permission, as I believe he A) didn’t have proper ID with him and B) had given an interview to the media wherein he said he would shoot any Canadian coming over the border without stopping to ask questions.
I hope he enjoys the American medical system.
Most Annoyingly stupid:
The Inland Revenue (UK). They send you a letter saying they owe you a tax rebate but you have to send off documents you haven’t got and fill in a form to get it. You go to their office and they tell you they don’t have any record of how much tax you have paid and they can’t help you. Then they send the same letter again. Then 4 days later they send you a cheque – so they did know after all!
Ours works something like that, only if you say “but you were out of the forms” they believe you INDEFINITELY.
Only they never send you any money.
Now there’s a scary thought–put Revenue Canada (sorry, what have they renamed it now?) in charge of domestic security.
“Line 04: Indicate whether you intend to declare annual expenses for any of the following:
Feltilizer
Diesel fuel (over 500l)
Web belts
Detonator caps
Cellular phones
Push-button handgrips
Plastique (0-99kg)*
*For plastic explosive in quantities over 100 kg, you must fill out form T-155 (supplemental A).”
After a few years of that the terrorists would just give up and go home. Possibly to Brampton.
And after some thought, I’ve decided the Canada Customs & Revenuers need a uniform tweak. I hereby nominate the red traffic cone for the new headgear.
Based on the behaviour of drivers in construction zones I have concluded that highway orange is the optical equivalent of subsonics, causing unreasoning fear and disturbance of behaviour patterns, such as the ability and inclination to read highway signs.
The new uniform will command unreasoning fear and respect. Which is all Harper ever wanted, after all.
I thought he preferred brown shirts?
Canada’s awesome. Gilchrist’s an idiot. It’s not like he’s a Native American.
Not even tanned. Like Rush Limbaugh, I think any glow comes from the bulb on the inside of the refrigerator.