Gawd help the gene pool if she teams up with Mr. White and Nerdy; she so white she make him look like Jay-Z. Here, via the superfantastic Manolo, is Leslie Hall’s rap in praise of gem sweaters. And the bedazzlers of the world give thanks…and the rest of us run for the exits. The glasses…the beehive…the ill-fitting lamé…spandex is a privilege, people, not a right! I think I’m going to need to wear matte black Gucci for three solid days just to cleanse myself psychically after watching this suburban goddess’ soul cry.
If only I could afford Gucci…
and from the comments of the Manolo:
As a woman whose sainted mother-in-law ran a successful knitshop in Chicago for thirty years & more, I am conflicted upon viewing this video. Surely the woman has swallowed a sequin topped with LSD or absorbed some ecstasy-producing dye from the purple angora. I am all for creativity, and encourage even more silly dancing, singing & outrageous sweaters for the delight of the snowbound &/or snowblind of any sort. As for the gold lame w/insignia divulging areas of anatomy better kept en matte, I am left totally speechless.
Lyrics over the jump:
Keeper of the gems I am
With the power to rock your body as i jam
(Can you feel me flowing inside your skull?)
I have a razor ball of lightning, striking your mind
Flowing at all times
(Chorus)
Wear your Gem Sweaters
(To dominate your mind)
Night or day you must run away from
The people who disagree with this gemology
I’m shizzling dazzling dreaming the night away (away)
When I walk in a room I start to dazzle
Dreams will come true they start to razzle
As they dream of me now (now again they flow)
People watching people watching sweaters
It feels so much better to you
Won’t you join the crew
(Chorus)
And wear your Gem Sweaters
Day or night (night and day)
When you’re riding your bike (all the way)
You crave to touch
You want to hold it so much
You yearn you burn with desire
Your pants are on fire
You wish you could hold them you mold them
Gem gem gem gem gem gem gem gem sweater
You see me now I’m like a fireball
Gem gem gem gem gem gem gem gem sweater
With these shoulder pads I have the strength
To destroy villages homes and crops
They’re coming back (say what say what)
They want your babies (junior gems junior gems)
Put them on (what what?)
You lovely ladies
Wear your Gem Sweaters
BELIEVE
18 Comments
Oh this shit is so funny. So funny. I’m sending this to all my friends.
Check out her files on YouTube. She is terrifyingly prolific.
But seriously, I just got back from Suburbia. I nearly died from calico overdose! Not to mention oversized glasses…and I will never look at wide-wale courduroy the same way again.
Could have been worse, I suppose.
I forgot the obvious riposte – Vanilla Ice is still the whitest woman in rap.
Ah, how true.
Poor Vanilla Ice. How little did he know that that name would come back to haunt him.
Word . . . to yo mutha!
OMG, I just had a thought: what if SHE is his mother? That would account for it all!
Um..guys. That was my audition tape for Canadian Idol. Why are you trying to hurt me? That took me weeks. *slow tear*
The fact that you did not win can easily be explained by the fact that you did not include a bedazzled hockey jersey. What kind of Canadian are you???
The only bedazzle I expect is the beads on a sweating bottle of Molson’s
Or the ones you see orbiting your head after the ninth bottle, eh?
I’ll have you know that I don’t see refractory objects until after my twelfth bottle of Guiness.
Oh I dunno, I find Raincoaster fairly refractory after no booze at all. After that it all depends who’s doing the drinking.
Yes, refractoriness is the #1 quality associated with raincoaster. I shall post that quiz someday…
I guess her refractoriness must me somewhat lost upon me.
I did beat you in the narcissism dept. however – 50 %
No wonder you were an editor for so long.
Yes. I was good at it, wasn’t I?
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