Beaver Shots: how to eat beaver
11 Nov 2009 27 Comments
in Canada, Culture, Etiquette, Hoaxes, Humour, Porn, Sex, Weird, animals, beaver, cooking, fetish, humor, meme, tasteless
Yes, this is a post about how to eat beaver. Not just ANY beaver, you understand; we have us some STANDARDS around these parts (these ones right down…here) and will not show you how to gnaw on gristly old beaver, the kind like an old baseball mitt made out of bbq jerky.
The wife coyly tried to explain her purchase of a new pair of expensive imported panties. “After all, dear,” she said to her husband, “You wouldn’t expect to find fine perfume in a cheap bottle, would you?”
“No,” her husband replied. “Nor would I expect to find gift wrapping on a dead beaver.”
No indeed!
We’re all about the fresh, young beaver here. Although perhaps not as much as the lesbians down at Lick might like, now that we think of it.
Where were we? Oh yes, speaking of ourselves in the second-person plural, for no reason we can fathom other than it’s practice for when Randy Andy comes to his senses, loses some weight, and gets his butt off the golf course and marries me. Or Hot Ginge, I’m easy.
Anyway, it does look like some people could use instructions for the most basic things, like the great Canadian (yes, it’s Canadian, check out the website) art of beaver-eating. Why, we’ve even got 1/24th of each day devoted to beaver!
Dude, it’s too late for us to help you. Whereas, in my country beaver-eating is a competitive sport.
And the Aussies are no slouches at taking care of beavers, as you can see in this video that Metro has been waiting almost exactly one year for me to steal.
The Brits, on the other hand, have to go to great, bureaucracy-enveloping lengths to be reintroduced to beavers. What, they don’t have Lavalife there? Apparently, they killed every one they could find, thus bringing to life the old cliche about, If I see something I’ve never seen before, I’ll shoot it. Boarding school has a lot to answer for, I’m telling you.
Russia, of course, being somewhat desperate and all out of ponies and small children since Yeltsin sold every mammal larger than a husky, has developed its own way to prepare beaver for eating, and here it is, with photos. Warning! Very wet and lots of bare flesh!
The Catholic Church, surprisingly, has no issue with the Beav, and encourages people to eat it on Friday. Well, it’s a start, I guess.
The 17th century Catholic Church actually declared beavers to be a fish according to dietary restrictions, meaning they are ok to eat on both Fridays and throughout Lent.
Well, this should be more widely known, is all I have to say about the matter!
Some organizations can be so forward-thinking. Look at the Boy Scouts, for instance:
Did you know that the US Cub Scouts give a Silver Beaver award? I nearly got thrown out of the leader’s meeting for laughing so much when they gave it to a retired woman with grey hair.
Hmmm, it’s given for Outstanding Service to Youth. I know more than one or two beavers that would qualify under those criteria!
In the spirit of these fine organizations and countries comes a post from Bug Girl on her serendipitous discovery of a tome of wisdom devoted, at least in substantial part, to instructions on pleasing one’s wife with wild games and, of course, the preparation and consumption of beaver.
The author claims the meat is “dark, moist and tender”; Hmmmm, sounds like somebody’s got a touch of Jungle Fever.
I wonder if it has some tips on how to stuff a beaver? It’s been so long I’ve forgotten.
Nov 11, 2009 @ 06:16:49
That’s the trouble, there’s never a good taxidermist around when you need one.
Nov 11, 2009 @ 06:19:19
I hear they’re all busy teaching classes in stuffing moose knuckle.
Nov 11, 2009 @ 10:12:41
Looks like the ol’ raincoaster blog hit count’s been dipping lately. Beave shots to the rescue! :)
Nov 11, 2009 @ 11:18:18
now i finally know…
Nov 11, 2009 @ 15:08:56
Well! That beats my latest beaver post by a Canadian mile!
Nov 11, 2009 @ 17:03:28
One does what one can. It’s been too long since I shook the dust of the Beaver. Category.
Nov 11, 2009 @ 22:35:23
Umm…Beaver…
Nov 11, 2009 @ 23:20:02
D’oh, this was the perfect place to bring up the great Canadian fast food chain that sells Beaver Tails.
Nov 12, 2009 @ 01:35:16
Yeah, baby! I’m #5 on Google for “Beaver Shots” again! Let no man say Google has failed to be made my bitch!
Nov 12, 2009 @ 03:41:06
Hi raincoaster – I really wanted to like your site because you are so helpful on the forums, but the husband and wife ‘joke’above is truly horrible and verging on misogynist. It’s kinda beneath you. I wish you would remove it. x
Nov 12, 2009 @ 03:44:34
x yourself, sweetie.
You want me to censor my blog because it offends your delicate sensibilities? Well, I won’t. If you don’t know we’re equal-opportunity offensive around these parts, I suggest you either read more of the blog or none at all.
You can start with this one.
Nov 12, 2009 @ 03:48:19
None at all then, sweetie. Sigh.
Nov 12, 2009 @ 04:20:15
Suit yourself. Are you only now discovering that the world contains people who don’t do what you want? Great, I’m happy to have facilitated this learning experience.
Apparently you didn’t go to the trouble of reading the links, or you’d have seen the empowering female posts. But if you’d rather be an offended, superficial skimmer, you are hereby empowered to make that choice.
Nov 12, 2009 @ 04:57:44
Hi Raincoaster – hope we’re still chums – just wanted to ask you – I now have ‘incoming links’ from your blog on my blog – how does that happen? Do you set something up on your blog so that it’s set up automatically when someone comments on your blog? I’ve made one or two comments on other blogs, but didn’t then get incoming links from them. Ta!
Nov 12, 2009 @ 04:58:16
Wait a minute….was that person offended by a 50 year old publication????
sheesh.
Nov 12, 2009 @ 05:06:35
bug girl, I am relatively sure the joke in question is older than that!
Deborah, believe me, I know my blog’s not for everyone. No worries.
As for the incoming links, they only show up when someone clicks through them, so obviously people have been checking out your blog. If you’ve left comments and those haven’t shown in Incoming Links, it’s because nobody clicked through your name.
Nov 12, 2009 @ 05:11:43
Got it – thanks raincoaster.x
Nov 12, 2009 @ 05:19:23
Actually, I think I may have been a bit previous there when I said I had got it – I understand that your site is listed under ‘referrers’on my stats, but what about the ‘incoming links’ which lists stuff appearing on your site – is that also caused, as you explained, by people clicking to get to my blog from your site? Thanks ever so.x
Nov 12, 2009 @ 05:22:50
No; I shouldn’t answer tech questions after 4am. It shows up under Referrers when someone clicks. It shows up under Incoming Links when Google’s Blogsearch picks it up. The higher the blog ranks, the faster it shows up. Private blogs will never show up there, and blogs who’ve blocked search engines won’t either. And sometimes google goofs and perfectly normal blogs aren’t picked up either.
If you want to see your real incoming links, check Technorati.com which is more accurate.
Nov 12, 2009 @ 05:25:46
Sorry raincoaster – it’s 12.25pm here. Thanks for the explanation.x
Nov 12, 2009 @ 11:57:18
Crikey!!!
Nov 12, 2009 @ 17:56:58
Yes, it’s a bit different from Boris’ blog, isn’t it?
Nov 23, 2009 @ 19:56:56
Wow – between this and the Tweet session I followed between you @AspaPhoto the other day, I’m even more disappointed that I missed you at Wordcamp Victoria. Let me know next time you’re in town…
Nov 23, 2009 @ 20:21:56
Ha, thanks! I think Greg’s a good guy, I just hit a hot button with that and as you know, I don’t back down.
I’ll be in Victoria sometime in December, probably towards the end, and definitely between Christmas and New Year’s. Also, if you’re into travel, I’m organizing WordCamp Okanagan probably in Kelowna, probably in late January or February.
I’m #7 on Google for “Beaver Shots” but I have a couple of posts in my pocket to boost me back up.
Dec 13, 2009 @ 22:24:02
If ya can’t stuff it, I say lick it.
Dec 14, 2009 @ 13:52:52
I can’t seem to meet anyone who knows how to do either, sadly.