You’ve read the books, you’ve seen the movie, you’ve heard the stories. You’re probably still hoping, somewhere in your heart of hearts, that Susan is saving herself for you.

But you have no fucking idea about the Narnia Rap Battle.

Behold:

See, once upon a time about three months ago

SNL started something. SNL! Yeah, I know!

But this thing, it went viral; all the kids were emailing.

It was outta control, yeah this thing was just wailing!

NBC drones found out, shut it down like a flash.

Way too late: got on YouTube, we all started to thrash.

There was LA, and Muncie, two young dudes from Chi-town.

Ain’t no point, NBC, in this “Hey, shut ’em down!”

Now Cambridge steps up; Oxford isn’t around.

C.S. Lewis, poor dead guy, spinning down in the ground.

It’s a Narnia rap, what we all want to play.

Don’t get all literal: allegory? No way.

Take a Narnia word, take a Narnia sound,

Give it harsh attitude, then you kick it around,

And that’s all it takes, just a matter of class

and if that’s not enough I’ll kick you in the ass.

Tea, motherfuckerfucker! Tea, motherfucker!

The original, Lazy Sunday, as interpreted legally and protected by Right to Satirize legislation by two eleven-year-old Chicagoans:

The West Coast response, Lazy Monday:

The Midwestern entry, Lazy Muncie. Can’t beat a dance at the Elk’s Lodge:

And finally, the UK Narnia Rap. I dunno what’s up with Oxford, but Cambridge stole a march on them, and on their home turf at that! How mortifying!