It was a very smart boy who said "Learn from the mistakes of others, for you will never live long enough to make them all yourself."

With these words of immortal wisdom in mind, we present the following, from Got Detroit? a metroblog of the finest quality.

How to Conquer the World Using Only an Internet Connection and Myspace

It may either be a lack of quality sleep, or my inherent celebrity fixation, but either way, I’m going to scream it out loud: Myspace is neat! I don’t even want to tell you how many celebrity friends we have. But I will. Let’s see. There’s Jessica Alba, Jessica Simpson, Ashley Simpson (they come in a set), most of the Detroit Pistons, J.J. of Good Times, Anakin Skywalker, Paris Hilton (all four of them), the entire nation of Israel – Not everyone in Israel, but the nation itself – and I can’t be positive, but at some point I’m pretty sure Tommy Lee’s Penis was our friend (don’t ask). That is, until the Super Bowl, when he promptly had his ass handed to him by Eminem (also our friend).

But, we’ve been thinking lately that something may be missing. That we’re missing the “big picture” on this Myspace thing. Then, wham!, it hit us. The old axiom: It’s all about who you know. And if it’s all about who you know, then it’s gotta be all about the power thing(1). Right? And if we’re going to be doing any real quality world domination any time soon, we figured it might be time to step it up a notch and get after some real heavy hitting trendsetters. Ones that can provide us a little of that allusive “it” factor, glad-handing and some of that ye ole’ flesh pressing we so desperatly need. And Myspace is just ripe with all sorts of these freewheelin, fun-lovin’ attention whores. Who knew Myspace was so trendy and politically/commerically connected?

After much debate we narrowed down our list of must have “friends” we require in order to survive in this looming New New World Order (get a pencil):

Iranian President, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (Sure, he’s a douchebag, but whad’ya gonna do?)

The Republic of China (If they haven’t already made everything you own, you can bet your ass they soon will)

Illegal Immigrants (they’re probably online right now!)

Al Gore (Naw. We just wanted to fuck with him a little bit. And besides, he hasn’t logged on in awhile)

Gawker (knows how to find all the top notch celeb’s. And sports a pretty impressive collection of the ladies.)

Michelle Malkin (We get the feeling she may not be interested)

Future Ruler of the World, Suri Cruise (who surprisingly has only one friend, and is really a 50 year old male from Corona Del Mar.)Of course, we tried to nab Rupert Murdoch, but his Myspace profile was strangely unavailable. I mean, come on! The guy owns Myspace! What better friend to have, eh?So, there is our current – yet fully flexible – list of who we’re actively hunting (aside from the usual smattering of cute girls). Who else, dear readers, should we include in our grand experiment? Have we missed someone? If so, let us know discretely. We’re not here to piss anyone off, ya know.(1) But mostly, really, it’s all about the hooking up