if men wrote advice columns

Is that a skyscraper in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?from Fark. This is just too amusing not to post. If you don’t get the joke, something tells me you’ve got that Y-chromosome mutation.

Q: My husband wants to have a threesome with me and my best friend.

A: Obviously your husband cannot get enough of you! Knowing that there is only one of you he can only settle for the next best thing your best friend. Far from being an issue, this can bring you closer together. Why not get some of your old college roommates involved too? If you are still apprehensive, maybe you should let him be with your friends without you. If you’re still not sure then just perform oral sex on him and cook him a nice meal while you think about it.

Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.

A: Do it. Semen can help you lose weight and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral sex on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you. The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day; then cook him a nice meal.

Q: My husband always has an orgasm then rolls over and goes to sleep without giving me one.

A: I’m not sure I understand the problem. Perhaps you’ve forgotten to cook him a nice meal.

More here.

11 thoughts on “if men wrote advice columns

  1. Thank you for the rapid reply to the other thread.

    I can now ask , so obvious I know, can you cook?


  2. Yes, but I’ve been living in Chinatown so long I am losing the ability to cook white people food. I thawed a potroast and then had to go to epicurious.com to find out how you cook that. Actually, I had to look up how to cook hash browns as well. But I will always remember how to cook Kraft Dinner, the real Canadian meal!

    Why do you ask? Think you’re going to get lucky from over there?

  3. Neatly sidestepped!

    What the hell is a Kraft dinner? It sounds………interesting……in a kind of Oriental proverb sort of way.


  4. My jaw hangs……..


    ps In these enlightened times I’m not sure about that tan thingy.


  5. Did you see that website? “Did you know you could cook KD in the microwave?” “Check our ideas to keep kids busy with KD!”


    I can cook. Quite well in fact. Metro doesn’t complain.

  6. You should see Kraft’s “Plan a glamorous Oscar party, just like the stars” article. I got as far as mini-weiners on frill-encrusted toothpicks before laughing myself senseless!

  7. What? Stars don’t eat mini-weiners and Kraft Deluxe? You probably think pro-wrestling is staged too. Funny post. Nothing better than some mac and cheese, oral sex, and a three way.

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