Well, it’s true. The problem is, I’m a chick, so instead of learning from Mia Sara‘s insipid bimbette, I learned from the master. I learned from Ferris.
So, of course, I’m still single.
Oh, I attract my fair share of men. I attract more than my fair share of men who, while technically men, aren’t actually men in any real sense. See my posts on zeta males for the passive-aggressive response thereto. I attract men who are to Mia Sara as I am to Ferris Bueller.
And this is why I am still single.
Hey, why is the Groucho Club in London in the first place? I mean, was he a regular? Was he a citizen? Was he even “a bloody foreigner” who hung out there and presumably dazzled their women with his superior orthodontistry?
You have to ask these things. If you’re me. And me still single…imagine!
In any case, here is a lovely article from Australia’s Sydney Morning Herald on the life lessons in the great American masterpiece Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. This is all ye know and all ye need to know.
From the Sydney Morning Herald:
As the school secretary points out, “the sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, waistoids, dweebies, dickheads – they all adore Ferris. They think he’s a righteous dude,” and I’d have to agree.
Ferris Bueller pretty much embodies everything I believe a man should be: a little dangerous, immensely charming, funny, an optimist, adventurous, challenging, a bit dodgy, curious, subversive, latitudinarian and a dab hand with the sheilas.
Anyway, what follows took far longer to produce than it looks, so please read on and discover the secret to life according to Ferris…
And when you do, tell it to the men who are asking me out.
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raincoaster 
“I attract more than my fair share of men who, while technically men, aren’t actually men in any real sense” – know exactly what you mean there Raincoaster.
and that is why I’m still single!!
As long as you prefer “men” like the Hitchens brothers you’ll be stuck.Can I introduce you to a few poetry-writing lumberjacks?
I think this Gary Busey line from The Simpsons episode about restraining orders sums up why I’m still single:
“Now Joe can’t come within 500 feet of Mary. He also can’t call her, or burn his name in gas on her lawn. I’m gonna let you in on a little secret, Joe is me. And Mary is a composite of 12 different women and a small independent film company all of whom couldn’t deal with me because I’m too real.”
Oh, man. Story of my life, right there. When did we go out?
“Can I introduce you to a few poetry-writing lumberjacks?” – sure! When??
And I didn’t want to date the Hitchens boys, just read their work and be able to go where I please/comment in public without the sight of me making one of them run away screaming. I thought that was reasonable! Obviously not :-/
A lumberjack seems very appealing right about now, especially if I can emigrate.
Do they normally come with their own beaver?
No, they normally pick one up in a dive bar.