I was bitten by a poisonous spider

Shelob

and it died.

Think about that the next time you try to get in my face about … anything at all.

I’m just saying.

PS: so there are black widow spiders here in Vancouver. You learn something new every day, eh?

Give me my footie pjs, put on my cat; I have
Immortal longings in me: now no more
The juice of the Okanagan‘s grape shall moist this lip:
Yare, yare, good CG; quick. Methinks I hear
Viggo call; I see him rouse himself
To praise my noble act; I hear him mock
The luck of spammers, which the gods give men
To excuse their after wrath: baby, I come:
Now to that name my courage prove my title!
I am tentacles and marabou; my other elements
I give to baser life. So; have you done?
Come then, and take the last warmth of my lips.
Farewell, kind CG; blog readers, long farewell.

What, I’m still here? Damn, now what am I gonna do with this soliloquy? I h8 anticlimax!

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43 thoughts on “I was bitten by a poisonous spider

  1. Pingback: it’s quiet. too quiet « raincoaster

  2. Sympathies. I got hit by a brown recluse type spider and it got me three places and the bites were god awful.

    Did the spider just keel, or did a large blunt object hurry it on its way?

  3. Clearly the spider that bit you was smote by Coco Chanel, whose brow you sprang from full grown and who is not amused by spiders who attack her own.

  4. I can sense an opera coming on – The Merry Widow meets the Black Widow – – –

    Oh, I know some of the facts may need a few stretches but I’m quite sure Franz Lehar could do the theme justice with both feet in the grave.


  5. The puir wee Spider, which bites her Grace,
    In corporeal sufferance feels a pand as great
    As when a Giant expires

    …. but, AerChie, for there to be a Merry Widow, doesn’t there logically have to be in evolutionary terms a late (to use a Botswanan expression) Marquess …..

    Have you considered the theologicl implications of this

    Mens boggleat

    G Eagle

  6. I gotta say, I’m not impressed with that spider bite info you linked to. It’s a lot of worst-case-scenario stuff. I’d think it was a link farm, but I never saw any ads.
    (also, lots of what they have on there isn’t a spider, but hey…I digress.)

    In general, there is quite a bit of research that suggests that very bad spider bites are quite rare, and that many of those infected “bites” turn out to not be caused by spiders in the first place.

    I’ve been meaning to write about this in the bug blog…I’ll have to get on that :)

  7. I have not checked out the spider site but spider bites cannot be that rare I have been bitten by a severely venomous spider and I personally know another person who has as well.

  8. I was attacked one time by a daddy longlegs. Which just seems preposterous to me. Their fangs are too small to even penetrate human skin and growing up my mother always told me they were nice peaceful spiders but this daddy longlegs spider was enraged and leaped over 3 feet to attack me. I was also swarmed and bitten by brine shrimp eating spiders at the Great Salt Lake. But they were not really venemous it was just like insect bites it hurt and itched but no bad repurcussions. And all this is in addition to being bitten three times in my sleep by a spider I never caught but the bites were like brown recluse spider bites — which are very very nasty — so that is best guess it had to be that or a close relative that is called something like the housekeeping spider I forget its actual name.

  9. Uh, Michael, I think you allow twelve (or is it 24?) Brown Recluses to bite you, then you press “run” in the “Start” menu, and insert “format C”. Then turn around one time, do the Eagle Rock!

    Good God, youngen, the puir woman is expiring from a spider bite and you jump in and ask highly technical questions like that! Show a little compassion – or send gin.

  10. Suddenly it occurs to me I am not being at all helpful. What really helped my bites was this stuff called Dr. Christopher’s Black Ointment. It is a poison draw.

    I will also tell you, do not wear anything you wish to wear again when you put this stuff on. Only use it in a well ventilated place. Touch nothing with your hands you cherish while wearing this stuff. Do not to near leather with this on. And od not plan on driving or operating heavy machinery while you have it on or directly after you wash it off. It smells to high heaven and not in a good way. And it is really strong it would knock me on my ass after having it on an hour. But if you can find it, it is a godsend for spider bite.

  11. It totally saved me. The bites turned into flesh ulcers that were growing outwards getting worse and worse and nothing was helping or stopping them till I found that ointment. Whatever you use the ointment on has to be pretty bad though because the ointment is vile viscious stuff.

  12. You know, saying “it can’t be rare because it happened to me” is rather like saying “I won the lottery, so it must be pretty easy.”

    Rarity is determined at the group level, not the individual level.

    Having said that: bummer. And it sounds like whatever you put on it was extremely dangerous, and you were lucky it didn’t make things worse.

  13. Sehr geEhrter AerChie

    Where is your Compassion & Help for Michael, a Searcher after the Answer to Life’s Questions Fundamental

    Isn’t Time all relative …. something to do with the Speed of Light and Squaring Circles …. and corporeal panGs …. and the mathemagical number 42 (ie 1*2*3*7)

    AND we must not forget La Tragedie Cosmological – some puir wee Spider struggling to evolve into a Shelob was distracted from the Evolutionary Struggle and lost its all-too-brief Intelligently-Designed Life …. its Carbon Footprint neutralized by Dr. Christopher’s Black Ointment

    Your obedient servant etc

    G Eagle

  14. I’ve been bit. My friend Doug has been bit. A friend of my friend Henry was bit. Rain has just been bit. That is four I can rattle off without thinking.

  15. Your Grace

    Schocking – don’t these Lower Orders of Life in the Colonies have any Respekt for the Aristocracy

    G E

  16. when i was little i was bit by a brown relcuse, the bites where aweful but when i was 10 i was bit by a Black wido and it spit out black stuff when it bite me n died later we found ot i was immune to spider =]

  17. Pingback: The Cheese Stands Alone « raincoaster

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  19. Pingback: John Cusack has a job to do | lolebrity

  20. eeeeeeeeeeeeek!!!! Serves that spider right! My exhusband was bitten by a brown recluse (couldn’t happen to a nicer guy!) but I had to kill the thing myself. (Babaloo is thinking of a very old song. . . “I don’t like spiders and snakes. . .”)You seem to have a way of getting into sticky situations and coming out smelling like a rose :-) Are you a Zen master???? I’m not worthy, I’m not worthy!

  21. Hi,

    Just remember that bites from Brown Recluse Spiders are very rare and Recluse Spiders are not found in New York, California, and Florida, just to name a few.

    Also, the correct word to use about a venomous spider is venomous and not poisonous.

  22. Does its bite have poison? If yes, then it’s poisonous. It’d also be pretty bad for you to eat it, too.

    I don’t live in New York, California, or Florida, among other places in which I do not live.

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