Forget slow hands. There’s something the ladies like even better, and if you don’t know what it is, let’s look to Kuato, the veiny, stomach-dwelling Yoda creature from the Schwarzenschlocken meisterpiece that is Total Recall. Let’s face it, when you look like that, you’d better have some hidden talents, and we don’t mean playing the violin.
We mean making music with the humid harmonica.
Yes, the ladies like me, and they dig on my movie star status, but sometimes not all women are impressed by that. You know that singer Shania Twain? I showed her the veins in my tiny squat head and you know? Didn’t impress her. Not much at all.
I’m not the tallest guy in the world. I don’t drive a fast car. But based on the fact that I’m located in a guy’s torso, I know of which I speak. I’m in a perfect place to give a woman pleasure with my tiny gummy mouth and gimpy, rotted hands.
You think I’m joking? Ask me what I’m doing Saturday night. Just ask.
What am I doing Saturday night? Giving some lucky lady head. All of it. My whole head.
So kids, remember. Cunnilingus is cool. Blowjobs are so last semester.
Very indirectly via kstafford (sorry, ladies, I believe he’s taken).
OH how this made me giggle. Unfortunately I am in a room with a 9 yr old that wants to know what I am laughing at.
Don’t fancy explaining cunnilingus right now….
Giving some lucky lady head. All of it. My whole head.
It’s 5am and I’ve just pissed my pants.
“Very indirectly via kstafford (sorry, ladies, I believe he’s taken).”
Wow – I’ve been plugged by Raincoaster!!! Seriously thank you very much for the plug. You know how I feel about Kuato!!!
God….the image of those slimy little hands groping someone is almost too much. In that scene in the movie where he takes Arnold’s hand to “open his mind” I’ve always squirmed at the sound of his ooze meeting Arnold’s skin.
I mentioned this in the forums but I suggest all your readers give this a try. Make an effor to work a kuatto-ism into your conversations at work today. Attending a meeting about a change of direction? Chime in and blurt out “Quaid, start the reactor!” Attending some sort of motivational seminar or a meeting where you might be able to provide feedback? Grab their hands and repeat “open your mind…..open your mind!” Lastly, if posed with a particularly difficult question that you cannot answer, it is acceptable to bypass kuatto altogether and instead impersonate Arnold by yelling “If I’m not Quaid, then who the hell am i???” while going on a mock office-rampage.
Is there a marketing meeting that can’t be improved by the words “Quaid, start the reactor!”? I rather think not. I, myself, will be taking an eight hour bus trip soon, and I look forward with gleeful anticipation to the Kuotoisms out which I shall bust at choice moments.
I can’t get enough of this! I await with eager anticipation a review of each and every opportunity thus seized upon!
Rather than a random act of kindness theme, I suppose a kuato theme is in order one day here on wordpress!
Newmania tells us that oral sex increases the chances of developing throat cancer.
“Cunnilingus is cool“?? Ugh!!
As a blatant Christopher Walken reference, I’ve always refered to it as “Colonel Lingus”
Make Money Fast and Easy$$$ Posted by Kelvin Norris
$MAKE LOTS OF QUICK CASH THE EASY WAY$$ Dear Internet User, Good day, This article I’ve written is all about the fact where I earned an ASTOUNDING amount of money in less than a month and I’ve decided to share or reveal the secrets behind making big bucks in the Mail Order Business. So all money seekers, read this carefully. **READING THIS COULD CHANGE YOUR LIFE!** I found this on a bulletin board like this one and decided to try it. A little while back, I was browsing through several newsgroups, just like you are now, and came across an article similar to this that said you could make thousands of dollars within weeks with only an initial investment of $6.00! So I thought, “Yeah right, this must be a scam”, but like most of us, I was curious, so I kept reading. Anyway, it said that you need to send $1.00 to each of the 6 names and address stated in the article. You then place your own name and address in the bottom of the list at #6, and post the article in at least 200 newsgroups. (There are thousands) No catch, that was it. So after thinking it over, and talking to a few people first, I thought about trying it. I figured: “what have I got to lose except 6 stamps and $6.00, right?” Then I invested the measly $6.00. Well GUESS WHAT!!… within 7 days, I started getting money in the mail! I was shocked! I figured it would end soon, but the money just kept coming in. In my first week, I made about $25.00. By the end of the second week I had made a total of over $1,000.00! In the third week I had over $10,000.00 and it’s still growing. This is now my fourth week and I have made just over $42,000.00 and it’s still coming in rapidly. It’s certainly worth $6.00, and 6 stamps, I have spent more than that on the lottery!! Let me tell you how this works and most importantly, why it works…. Also, make sure you print a copy of this article NOW, so you can get the information off of it as you need it. I promise you that if you follow the directions exactly, that you will start making more money than you thought possible by doing something so easy! SUGGESTION: Read this entire message carefully! (print it out or download it.) Follow the simple directions and watch the money come in! It’s easy. It’s legal. And, your investment is only $6.00 (Plus postage). IMPORTANT: This is not a rip-off; it is not indecent; it is not illegal; and it is virtually no risk – it really works!!!! If all of the following instructions are adhered to, you will receive extraordinary dividends. PLEASE NOTE: Please follow these directions EXACTLY, and $50,000 or more can be yours in 20 to 60 days. This program remains successful because of the honesty and integrity of the participants. Please continue it?s success by carefully adhering to the instructions. You will now become part of the Mail Order business. In this business your product is not solid and tangible, it’s a service. You are in the business of developing Mailing Lists. Many large corporations are happy to pay big bucks for quality lists. However, the money made from the mailing lists is secondary to the income which is made from people like you and me asking to be included in that list. ========================================== –>HERE ARE 4 EASY STEPS TO GET STARTEDDIRECTIONS FOR HOW TO POST TO NEWSGROUPS<– Step 1) You do not need to re-type this entire letter to do your own posting. Simply put your mouse cursor at the beginning of this letter, click and drag your cursor to the bottom of this document, right click and select ‘copy’ from the edit menu. This will copy the entire letter into the computer’s memory. Step 2) Open a blank ‘notepad’ file and place your mouse cursor at the top of the blank page. Right click and from the ‘edit’ menu select ‘paste’. This will paste a copy of the letter into notepad so that you can add your name and postal address to the list. Step 3) Save your new notepad file as a .txt file. If you want to do your postings in different settings, you’ll always have this file to go back to. Step 4) Use Netscape or Internet explorer and try searching for various newsgroups (on-line forums, message boards, chat sites, discussions.) Step 5) Visit these message boards and post this article as a new message by highlighting the text of this letter and selecting paste from the edit menu. Fill in the Subject, this will be the header that everyone sees as they scroll through the list of postings in a particular group, click the “post” message button. You’re done with your first one! Congratulations…THAT’S IT! All you have to do is jump to different newsgroups and post away, after you get the hang of it, it will take about a minute for each newsgroup! **REMEMBER, THE MORE NEWSGROUPS YOU POST IN, THE MORE MONEY YOU WILL MAKE!! BUT YOU HAVE TO POST A MINIMUM OF 200** That’s it! You will begin receiving money from around the world within days! You may eventually want to rent a P.O.Box due to the large amount of mail you will receive. If you wish to stay anonymous, you can invent a name to use, as long as the postman will deliver it. **JUST MAKE SURE ALL THE ADDRESSES ARE CORRECT.** ======================================= *Now the WHY part; Out of 200 postings, say I receive only 5 replies (a very low example). So then I made $5.00 with my name at #6 on the letter. Now, each of the 5 persons who just sent me $1.00 make the MINIMUM 200 postings, each with my name at #5 and only 5 persons respond to each of the original 5, that is another $25.00 for me, now those 25 each make 200 MINIMUM posts with my name at #4 and only 5 replies each, I will bring in an additional $125.00! Now, those 125 persons turn around and post the MINIMUM 200 with my name at #3 and only receive 5 replies each, I will make an additional $626.00! OK, now here is the fun part, each of those 625 persons post a MINIMUM 200 letters with my name at #2 and they each only receive 5 replies, that just made me $3,125.00!!! Those 3,125 persons will all deliver this message to 200 newsgroups with my name at #1 and if still ONLY 5 persons per 200 newsgroups react I will receive $15,625,00! With an original investment of only $6.00! AMAZING! When your name is no longer on the list, you just take the latest posting in the newsgroups, and send out another $6.00 to names on the list, putting your name at number 6 again. And start posting again. The thing to remember is: do you realize that thousands of people all over the world are joining the internet and reading these articles everyday?, JUST LIKE YOU are now!! So, can you afford $6.00 and see if it really works?? I think so… People have said, “what if the plan is played out and no one sends you the money? So what! What are the chances of that happening when there are tons of new honest users and new honest people who are joining the internet and newsgroups everyday and are willing to give it a try? Estimates are at 20,000 to 50,000 new users, every day, with thousands of those joining the actual internet!!! REMEMBER, PLAY FAIRLY AND HONESTLY AND THIS WILL WORK FOR YOU!!! GOOD LUCK to all and please play fairly and reap the huge rewards from this, which is tons of extra CASH. By the way, please DON’T try to deceive people by posting the messages with your name in the list and not sending the CASH to the rest of the people already on the list, you will NOT get any. This is the fairest and most honest way I have ever seen to share the wealth of the world without costing anything but our time!!! You also may want to buy mailing and e-mail lists for future cash. Make sure you print this article out RIGHT NOW! Also, try to keep a list of everyone that sends you CASH and always keep an eye on the newsgroups to make sure everyone is playing fairly. Remember, HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY. IMPORTANT: If you’re not interested to my article, (don’t want instant cash?), please pass this message to anyone who wishes quick money. Thank you so much.
This entry and the replies are just too much! LOL
And that is one heck of a spam reply! Not a line break to be seen. I can’t believe people still fall for pyramid schemes.
Ha! You’re right; I think I’m gonna leave it up!
Philipa, I would rather get cancer than have newmania go down on me.
I’ll second that!
And you don’t even know the guy!
that troll looks small enough to disappear inside a capacious vagina. and philipa! what are u?? cunninglingus makes the world a better place! as long as the chicks keep their vessels neat.
aniche, you must know some loose women!
Pingback: Kuato sings Chocolate Rain « raincoaster