Thought for the Day: Celebrity Dentation Edition

No, I’m not one to talk.

No, of course not. Perish the very thought!

I mean, it’s been six years since I saw a dentist other than, you know, casually in the street or maybe in the lineup at Starbucks and even then, it’s hard to tell that they’re dentists you know: they don’t exactly run around wearing white coats and rubber gloves, dragging a drill, the smell of formaldehyde, and an anxious receptionist with a clipboard behind them all the time.

Sometimes, sure.

But still, what with my gravity-free wisdom teeth and multiple crossaddictions to the tooth-staining substances in coffee, red wine, and the blood of innocents, my dentation cannot be said to be up to Osmond standard. Not to put too fine a point on it, if you made a wedding dress the colour of my molars everyone would assume you were not only experienced, you were in half-mourning.

But there are those, even those whose job it is to be photographed expensively, whose teeth put mine to shame. Although there is debate about the subject, the chainsmoking, red-wine-swilling Helena Bonham Carter cannot be counted among them. While stained, her choppers still resemble human teeth, unlike those of this man:

Diddymaw

The Diddymaw will. not. close. Has he done so much coke that he can’t breathe through his nose anymore? I thought that shit was supposed to eat a hole through your septum…surely it should open up the passageways, rather than close them down, presuming, of course, that he doesn’t use his sinuses to store, warehouse-like, condom-wrapped packages of marching powder.

Like this woman:

Amy Winehouse has meth teefs

Don’t get me wrong: her teeth are nice and clean. No, I think the problem with Amy Winehouse‘s teeth is that her substance-laced post-nasal drip has simply started to dissolve them.

funny pictures

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16 thoughts on “Thought for the Day: Celebrity Dentation Edition

  1. Anthony: indeed, they do. And us Canadians as well. Mind you, we’re jealous of socialized dentistry, but if England’s socialized medicine worked as well as the socialized dentistry, they’d all be dead.

  2. Amy knocked this tooth out falling off the stage. I guess this counts as caused by drugs but it ain’t meth mouth by a long shot.

  3. That’s not what Amy says: she says A) she cracked it chewing on an ice cube and pulled it out or B) Blake cracked it in a fight depending on how protective of him she’s feeling.

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