From Popbitch:
Men in England and Wales are twice as likely to die as a result of having a foreign object in their anus as they are through being struck by lightning.
Like, Italian sausage?
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raincoaster 
Usually rodents.
Maybe it’s the heartbeat?
Dunno. We’ll have to do another survey maybe.
All I know is, with Tories there tends to be a satsuma and an expensive vacuum cleaner involved, but I’m not sure which Tab A goes into Slot B.
folks over here are paying a hundred bucks for a go at that vacuum cleaner. seriously. they get themselves all scooped out and squeaky clean, and start all over. no chit.
In my neighborhood they just pay a junkie twenty bucks. Fifty on Welfare Wednesday, though.
Come to think of it, this statistic is proof at least they’re not inserting lightning rods. Poor Cartman.
…. and what about the Scotch
Harrumphus
…. how many more must expire because of the increasing prevalence of Wild Haggises, threatening Scotch Waistlines to bursting
Harrumpha
Oh for those glorious days of the British Empire when the Scotch were lean & hungry and had to go off to North America & the Antipodes to find feud
Harrumphum
…. at least if Scotland were thrown out of the UK, we could then introduce Border Controls to keep HAGGISES OUT and to stop Inglaterrans having to pay so much in Government Subsidies for Scotch, under the Barnett Formula
Harrumphorum
Harrumpharum
Where the HELL are they putting the Scotch? Anything other than “in a nice Old Fashioned glass over a splash of water” is wrong.
Are you saying the Scots are so fat that when the Englishmen stuff them up their rectums, they explode? Whoa, howcum the BBC haven’t told this story?!?!?!
I am having difficulty composing this because I can’t find my mouse.
Ask Richard Gere if he’s seen it?
you mean Dick?
he’ll find it.
(It’s boarding school that turns them out this way)
Well, they are farily close to France.
@Herr G Eagle – Any more of this inelegant harumphing and I will sic my pack of wild Haggises onto you!
@Rain – Scotch is carefully brewed with only the best smoky peat waters – and YOU DARE to add any old water to the sacred drink? Scotch should be drunk as it comes from the bottle – perhaps with an elegant ice cube!
Harumphorum
Well, Archie, all the Scotch I ever saw was drunk, eventually … sorry, that should be “were”.
I never heard they were intimate with France, though.
Archie, do you have wild haggises (haggii?) down in Aus? I can just see them, screaming “A dingo ate my chipolata! A dingo ate my chipolata!”