Paging Gérard de Nerval!

As we at the ol’ raincoaster blog understand it, Spring is late in coming to parts of the world, and in such times our thoughts go always to those more primitive, dependent species: cephalopods, crustaceans, and government contractors.

Alas, we do not know, for it is not recorded, what became of the famed lobster of Gérard de Nerval, but we would not be at all surprised to discover it still lumbering mournfully around Paris, seeking its owner and the subtle secrets that only dreams can tell

But what if it’s chilly? Does this living national treasure of Symboilist Symbolist Poetry shivver in the chill miasma rising off the Seine? I shudder to think it.

Behold, the solution:

Lobster Sweater

42 thoughts on “Paging Gérard de Nerval!

  1. Bunk: socialists are BORN red, I’ll have you know! My sister was born blue and she turned into a Tory!

    Stil…you could use it on TOM…I understand he has a HUGE lobster.

  2. “Stil, I actually LOL’ed!!!”

    Excellent! It takes me a while to warm up to a new blog, even from friends, so you’ll have to forgive that I haven’t commented!

    “Also: he’d be horrified. You’re just his type!”

    Wait. Boris ISN’T gay?

  3. Pfffffffft! OMG!

    “Wait, Boris isn’t gay?”

    Uh, Boris is a charming, intelligent man of many merits, but he has what has politely been described as a “zipper problem.”

    He has something of a track record of promoting comely, yet only semi-talented lasses of the hottie persuasion. I’ve read the writing of at least two of them (that I know of/of whom I know) and you are crushingly better than one of them and at least on a par with the other, who’s a senior writer at possibly the most prestigious paper in the world. And I’ve seen their pictures and you are TEN times hotter than either of them.

    If you have an affair with Boris, you mustn’t tell me. Because I’d post it on his forum in a hot second. And I think he knows that.

  4. BTW his webmistress (not as risque as it sounds) is a regular reader here. So, as I do not want dear Melissa to faint away, I dot my lines rather than filling them in.

    But you can google “Petronella Wyatt” and “Anna Fazackerley.”

  5. Mental note:

    Affair with Boris.

    Yes! Finally, I’ve found a goal in life!

    BTW, is there any special place he hangs? And where can I find out more about this Boris?

    I’m not sure if I like him better than Blair.

  6. The Higher Education supplement of the Times of London. She’s pretty good, actually, but you’re more stylish in literary terms.

    Also: apparently an affair with Boris is INTENSELY rewarding on a female level, if no other. He’s the biggest flirt in London. Now that it is his City/State he should be in clover.

    If you want an affair with Boris and you can get yourself to London on a vaguely literary premise with some excuse for meeting him, I’d give you 2:1 all other factors being equal ie Anna Fawhatsername still being in the picture. He appears to be faithful to his mistresses if not his wife, if you know what I mean. But like I said, you’re hotter than her. Tell him you’re working on a book. About Great Men. That should work.

    And for GOD’S SAKE don’t tell anyone I told you.

    Like Steven or idlex won’t read that anyway. Then again, they’re English. They hate the French. Would they read down to Comment #26 in a Care For the Frog’s Lobster thread?

  7. Let’s see…bogus book, false pretenses, jet set affair, the brainchild of one blogger extraordinaire! Rain! All the makings of an E True Hollywood Story!

  8. Well, yes. But if you really DID write a book about Great Men, you could pretty much boff your way around the world. Got to think BIG!

    Just link to me when it goes online, so Boris knows who to sue.

    BTW did I mention: his wife’s a divorce lawyer! Kid! You! Not!

  9. And then, there’s the the media been there done that.

    Eliot Spitzer, Topless in Puerto Rico

    “BTW did I mention: his wife’s a divorce lawyer! Kid! You! Not!”

    And she knows about his extracurricular activities?

  10. I fished, but you are SO NOT ALLOWED to make that a dirty metaphor.

    You know, a lesbian once asked me if I were gay or straight and I said it had been so long I didn’t remember…

    Uh, yes, his wife knows what’s what. She’s no dummy. But she figures she’s the wife and they’re the also-rans, and she’s got the lawyerly bonus of being extra-fearsome to divorce…

    I kind of like her. She’s a lefty who’s like, yes you CAN leave the marriage if you want. But it won’t be cheap. Cheap is for singles.

    Mind you, I would never put up with her compromises. I’d have poisoned the bugger long since.

    Even though it must truly be said that the man writes like a God.

    I mean, seriously. What the fuck would I be doing on a Tory website? I am there solely because Alexander Boris dePfeffel Johnson writes like a living god. He’s a genius.

    I don’t live in London: like I CARE what kind of politician he is. I only really want to read his columns.

    Apparently they will appear in the Telegraph soon. I can’t wait. I don’t care if he sells London into slavery, I don’t care if he scrapes it off to make a huge car park. I only care that, now that the Mayoral race is settled, he starts writing again.

  11. I personally like the looks of Putin. Such a bastard but with him comes vodka!

    Ok, Rain, goodnight! You’ve given me lots of stuff to research!

  12. Try looking at the Webcameron videos on Youtube (they made me take mine down). They’ll show you the hotness in the Bojo which mere print does not convey.

    If it’s vodka you’re after, couldn’t you just bonk a mid-level bureaucrat? They pay their teachers in vodka.

    Seriously, have a long-term flirtation with a guy at the ATF; he’s got to be able to divert some contaband your way, and you KNOW it’s got to be good if it’s good enough to export.

  13. Pingback: Lobster Horror Movies!!!!! « raincoaster

  14. Pingback: The Truth about the Great Crustacean War on Humanity « raincoaster

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