Monthly Archives: June 2008

Quiz: which reptile are you?

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I was kind of disappointed not to be Godzilla, there’s no denying it, but maybe this quiz is limited to mundane reptiles, as if there is such a thing. As it is, I shall attempt to take pride in my kinship to Gustave and the lost people of Irem, lost city of the Arabian desert.


You Are a Crocodile


You are incredibly wise and knowledgeable.

In fact, your wisdom is so deep that it sometimes consumes you.People are intrigued by you, but you find few people intriguing.

You are not a very social creature.

You are cunning. You enjoy deceiving people a little.

You are able to find balance in your life, and you can survive anything.

Eddie Izzard’s Death Star Canteen Routine, in Lego

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Just what it says, people. Empty your bladders before clicking Play, particularly if you’ve been helping out in any technical help forums. When he gets into the thing with the tray you will lose control

BTW: those Lego figurines’ acting is at LEAST as good as some of the Star Wars actors’.

the hottest pet trend in the entirety of recorded human history

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And, ladies and gentlemen, we do not use those words lightly.

No indeed. This incredible creature is destined for the historic pantheon of pets, the greatest companions humankind has ever known, up there with the sadly now-endangered Tree Octopus, the Drop Bear, and the tragically extinct Longhorse.

Plaidies, Plaid French BulldogsWhat is this miraculous creature? It is the Plaid French Bulldog, otherwise known as Le Bouledogue Français Écossais, a long-lost, recently revived gesture of friendship and solidarity between the people of Brittany and the deposed king of Scotland, England and Wales, James II and VII.

These animals are the only dogs to come in natural plaid patterns, including a dazzling, Lilly Pulitzer-esque pink and green calico plaid pattern that would be the envy of any gay Preppie. Hat-tip to Smartdogs for the tipoff; these babies will sell like gateaux chauds!

From the site of the only breeder in the world currently offering genuine Plaid French Bulldogs:

…since it is a simple fact of life that things which cost more are inherently better, you can rest assured that our Plaid pups come with the absolute highest price for a French Bulldog that you will ever see. In fact, we guarantee it – if you find a Plaid French Bulldog that costs more than ours do, just let us know, and we’ll charge you the extra difference…

…ask us about our certified Clan Authentic Plaidies, just in time for Highland Games seasons. You’ll toss your caber when you see how cute our authentic Clan MacGregor pups are!

Plaid French Bulldogs© – If you don’t have one, you sure do suck!™

Hard to argue with that.

Bevolicher Warning: a public service announcement

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The Bevolicher, a carnivorous creature which lives on the flesh of baristas, is reported to be at large. Please report Bevolicher sightings to your local branch of the Masons or Knights Templar, as appropriate. Do not approach the Bevolicher yourself, as it may be dangerously peckish and prone to noxiously obscure foreign film references.

Goddam! My birthday just disappeared!

Quiz: what kind of 30’s wife would you be?

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The Women

cross-posted from TeenyManolo and I really wonder how the relative demographics will stack up. According to the data I can find, this blog skews strongly male, considerably more intelligent and educated than average, and with a substantially lower income than average. Ah, my people. At least, all my ex-boyfriends.

While I’ve long suspected I would not flourish in the era, it must be admitted that I love watching Thirties movies, and am slightly addicted to the bizarre hats of the period.

But it’s not a problem. I can stop wearing those hats any time. Seriously. And I’m sure the staff at Home Depot and the grocery store wishes I would.

But now comes scientific(ish) proof, once and for all, that I’d be an absolutely rotten Thirties housewife. I find solace in the fact that so would Katherine Hepburn and Myrna Loy. Oh, who wants to be that insipid martyr Mrs. Stephen Haines, when you could be the fabulously kooky Irene Bullock or the witty and wonderful Nora Charles? They’d both be fabulous failures in this quiz, too.

23

As a 1930s wife, I am
Very Poor (Failure)

Take the test!

via ArchiesArchive

So what did you get?

Scoring:

0-24 – Very Poor (Failure)
25-41 – Poor
42-58 – Average
59-75 – Superior
76+ – Very Superior

If it makes you feel any better, you can answer for your husband on the 1930’s Husband Quiz as well. Don’t tell him the results; it would only upset the poor darling.