China’s Great Humanitarian Effort

The suspect refuses to talk

At last, a xenophobic nation better known for adulterating its baby food with poisons, executing protesters, and replacing its adorable little singing girls with adorabler little lip-synching girls has passed a law that is truly a service to humanity.

They’ve outlawed mimes.

From the Guardian:

Singers who lip-synch or musicians who pretend to play their instruments twice or more in a two-year period, face having their business licences revoked.

Only professional performers will be covered, which will presumably mean the country’s most celebrated case of faking it – at the opening ceremony of the Beijing Olympics – would be exempt.

Nine-year-old Lin Miaoke was lauded around the world for her performance of Ode to the Motherland at the event. But it later emerged she was miming to a recording made by Yang Peiyi, aged seven . Officials replaced the younger girl because they judged Miaoke more photogenic.

This is progress indeed! Why, any day now they’re going to ban rat poison in restaurant meals! Or maybe just reporting on rat poison in restaurant meals.

13 thoughts on “China’s Great Humanitarian Effort

  1. Surely not, otherwise the Central Committee would immediately have to arrest itself.

    This totally reverses my stance on immigration generally; we must shore up our laws before the country is overwhelmed by a silent floodtide of little people in greasepaint eating imaginary number five shrimp with eggroll.

    Of course some might say it’s cruel and exclusionary, but I feel that people in glass boxes shouldn’t throw stones.

  2. I have nothing to say about China, but I thought you would be interested to know that yet another manifestation of Brian Atene has appeared once again. The new used name is BrianAtene101. Take care.

  3. To be fair, Lin Miaoke only mimed once. This law only covers multiple mimings.
    Shame it doesn’t cover “trapped in a box” or “walking against the wind.”

    Thanks for your time, gotta go check “My Comments.”

  4. Hey Raincoaster, how are you? Sadly I discovered a couple of mouldy cups behind the curtains and thought of you. As in you were having trouble with your abode. Is that better? Are you better? (is prodding said mould then inhaling mould spores dangerous to ones health? Well it can’t be good!) Seriously though hope you are feeling well now and everything is ok.

  5. Your Grace

    Good News

    Aslan’s friends are returning to this the Envy of many less happier lands

    An Otter is arrived in the Farne Islands … and still lives


    Beavers are being immigrated to Scotland

    Your Grace’s obedient servant etc

    G Eagle

  6. Thanks, Philipa, I’m feeling much better and the mold situation is being dealt with. Next on my list: getting something done about the fact that water leaks in and drips off my ceiling fixture. That just can’t be good.

    Jeremy: was that a pro-mime stance? You’re a brave man.

    G Eagle, I’m glad to hear it. Were you out of otters before? Beavers, as you know, are a dime a dozen in my neighborhood, especially the day before Welfare Wednesday.

  7. Lordy mercy. That’s bizarre.

    “which will presumably mean the country’s most celebrated case of faking it – at the opening ceremony of the Beijing Olympics – would be exempt.”

    That burns soooo good.

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