Om mom mom mom

I’m reposting this from my parenting blog, for lo, I am way jaded and rare indeed is the story that makes me yell OH MY FUCKING GOD, but this?

This. Is. That. Story.

doesn't that look mouth-watering?

Verily, the record of history is thick with wacky diets (and someday I hope to stumble across The Drinking Woman’s Diet) and among them there are some real lollapalosers of recipes, including the Cabbage Soup Diet (how do you sell 300 pages of “put cabbage in water, cook it, and drink it”?) not to mention oddities like Slug Fritters and their ick ilk. There’s even a sub-group of cannibal-chic dishes like Hufu, human-flavoured tofu, and ClooFu, the George Clooney-flavoured tofu. And anyone who knows what a doula is has heard about the miraculous, all-natural benefits of eating one’s placenta, just like animals which haven’t learned to read, write, walk on their hind legs or exercise bowel control.

placentawichNow the world offers a queasy welcome to: placentawiches.

That’s right, folks.  Master chefs Chrissy and Kathy Schilling used the placenta from Chrissy’s newborn to spice up pasta, panini and other delicious meals over the weekend — and generously posted pictures of the afterbirth-filled dishes on their Facebook page.

Although doctors claim placenta offers no nutritional benefit for people who already are well-nourished, the sisters believe otherwise.

Among the benefits reported by the self-cannibalizing new mother, hallucinogenic effects must rank as the only one which interests me, but one which, in the current War Against Drugs political climate, we must ignore, lest pregnant women everywhere be shipped off to Gitmo for the proactive protection of American slackers.

Let’s raise a toast to free-range mothers-to-be!

Placenta Cocktail


1/4 cup fresh, raw placenta
8oz V-8 juice
2 ice cubes
1/2 cup carrot

Method: blend at high speed for 10 seconds. Serve. A tasty thirst quencher!

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need a stiff drink.

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16 thoughts on “Om mom mom mom

  1. Y’know, my “tasteless” bar was set pretty high in my youth. I owned a full-colour-banned-cover copy of the Dayglo Abortions’ classic album “Feed Us a Fetus,” for one thing.

    But this is like a tornado of woo and tasteless wrapped in warm afterbirth.

    “Lemme find some hot sauce, momma. There’s good eatin’ tonight!”

  2. I sense a marketing opportunity. At the moment, I have to dispose of the placentas from my sows when they farrow. Perhaps I should be developing their potential as a gourmet, diet food line…

  3. There was a skit on Saturday Night Live about “Placenta Helper” which may have been re-written for broadcast, but was still WAAAAAAY out of control for then. And now… reality imitating art… wow.

  4. Pingback: Why it’s called “Meatspace” « raincoaster

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