I am a Vancouver Mayoral Candidate. I have a stuffed lobster. Hail our Crustacean overlords!

As I’ve said before, Oh Vancouver, never change.

After Suzanne Anton’s failed Nixonian move, it looks like she’s out of the running. Even the Success KoolAid marketing networker drones would be embarrassed to be publicly seen advocating for someone who leaves a motion till it’s too late to vote on, attempts to have it passed anyway, and then goes dark, presumably because even she knows we’ve all had enough of her.

Mayor Gregor, or as we call him around here April’s imaginary boyfriend, gave an apparently quite respectable speech tonight at the Vision Vancouver gala. No video yet, because Vancouver is, well, Vancouver.

Speaking of Vancouver being Vancouver, as you can clearly see from the image featured in this post, there is only one mayoral candidate who is clearly speaking to the needs of the Cthulian demographic, and that is Lobster Man Darrell “The Sax Maniac” Zimmerman.

How long must we remain a marginalized minority? How long must we take the scraps off the tables of the rich? Wait. We ARE the scraps!

“I’m going to be the only homeless candidate in this election,” Zimmerman told me.

He likes waving around a toy lobster to highlight Vision Vancouver councillor Heather Deal’s decision to tweet a photo of leftovers from a lobster feast at a Federation of Canadian Municipalities meeting in Halifax.

I, personally, am less offended by the lavish dinner than by the fact that they paid $2300 and drank out of plastic cups. BRANDED plastic cups.

That’s it. I’ve made up my mind how to vote.

Cthulhu for president DESPAIR ALL YE WHO ENTER VOTING BOOTHS