Vancouver Election Night Report: God, I Love This Town

It’s the Juiceman, by a trickle. But in more interesting news:

I have a stuffed lobster. What more do you people need????

I have a stuffed lobster. What more do you people need????

and

That platform:

FOX, Amy “Evil Genius”

Hello Vancouver.

That's an evil genius we can all get behind!

That's an evil genius we can all get behind!

Most candidate profiles are just resumés and vague promises.

But I? As finance director of Sublime Conception and as a Supervillain, I offer you a Bold New Vancouver with shocking changes like 1. affordable housing, 2. accessible transportation and… 3. livability!

  1. Let’s end the NPA/Vision housing bubble! Squatters will occupy idle buildings! Taxes on non-resident owners and property flippers will finance mixed income housing! Let’s smash one third of streets and, upon their ruins, build houses… and parks!
  2. We’ll catch bike thieves with “bait bikes!” Cars that plow through crowded crosswalks will be sold for parts! How about a city-wide “safewalk” program? Traffic-calming circles!? Curb-cuts!? Roofed…bus-stops!?
  3. Motor vehicles will have proper mufflers! Ban car alarms and booming subwoofers! Replace helicopter flyovers with nice, quiet zepplins!

And rename streets after people who weren’t rich English landowners.

Curious?

You’ve got ten votes.

Join me.

Like I said before:

Oh, Vancouver, NEVER CHANGE!

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3 thoughts on “Vancouver Election Night Report: God, I Love This Town

  1. Pingback: Afternoon Links: Chris Brown Goes on Twitter Rant…Again

  2. Pingback: Afternoon Links: Jessica Simpson Nabs $4 million Weight Watchers Deal?

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