Part Two is here.
Poor baby. His penile implant worked like a dream, and waggled happily skyward without pause from the moment of activation. For ten years. So, what did Mister Genius here do? Get himself a bevy of ladyfriends and a bad reputation?
No, he became a hermit instead. One has to wonder what he wanted it for in the first place. If it’s that bulgy, you can always stuff your pants with a pillow and just pretend to be fat. Or, hey! tell everyone your name is “Colin Farrell.”
From News of the Weird:
The Rhode Island Supreme Court in June affirmed a $400,000 judgment for Charles Lennon, 68, who had sued the now-bankrupt Dacomed company after his Dura-II penile implant remained constantly erect for 10 years. Lennon said embarrassment had forced him to become a recluse.
With Bush‘s real-life, slightly muffled and demi-masticated “Shit” (mp3) making headlines, we would like to present an alternative view of the presidency. There’s a reason it’s called black humour. In the meantime, would someone please tell him to close his mouth when he’s chewing and swallow before speaking? I’m sure Tony Blair knows all about the benefits of American dentistry, and doesn’t need to conduct an inspection at the dinner table.
Oh, and as I noted on Gawker, Shrub can at least keep it down once he’s swallowed, a talent which famously escaped his father.
Godzilla! And on McSweeney’s, no less.
He must have a much better agent than I do, the bastidge! Even though I am consumed with jealousy, I shall graciously extend the Squid tag to Godzilla, as he is just so frickin’ cool. His Lizardness is Honorary Calamari Grande.
June 8—Confused today about my place in this world. Am I the protector of Tokyo or the destroyer? Sometimes I just don’t know. I’ve smashed more than my share of buildings, but I’ve also vanquished a ton of other monsters. Therapist suggests these vanquishings have more to do with me staking my claim to my territory and with feelings of vulnerability when challenged than with playing the hero role. Must remember to stop putting off smashing of therapist’s office building. Also, mixed reactions of Japanese add to confusion. Which is it—”Oh, no! Godzilla! Run!” or “Thank goodness, Godzilla will save us from Rodan”?
June 9—It’s my weekend to have Minilla. The divorce still hits me pretty hard, but these weekend visitations are always uplifting. Of course, I always get some crap from Helen on Mondays about my parenting methods. “I don’t approve of you teaching him the fire-breath attack at such a young age, and I definitely don’t approve of you stomping on his tail when he couldn’t do it right away.” Will she ever understand that Mothra isn’t going to wait until a certain age to attack? That kid needs to be ready now.
raincoaster 