I don't know where Ponoka is, but I should move there immediately. Here are exerpts from the best police blotter report in human history, or, as Fark put it, "This is what happens when a frustrated novelist writes for the police blotter."
This weeks most unusual complaint referred to a Scrabble game, gone horribly wrong. A woman reported that she was having a friendly game of on-line Scrabble with someone, she believed to be a kindly, grandmotherly type. During their “chat” she was provided instructions as to how to set up and activate her web-cam (it came with her new PC) so that they could see each other as they played and chatted. The web cam was fired up and “oh dear!”, Granny looked like an ugly man. In fact, given that she had an Adam’s apple, she probably was an ugly man. This she found to be a little weird. What really mortified her was the second man, standing behind Granny, madly tugging on a part of his lower anatomy, commonly believed to cause blindness. The proper term for which is potentially a “Triple, Triple word score” if positioned just so.
By the way, when reading the roadkill report, it makes far more sense if you know, as do most Canadians, that the QE2 isn't a boat, but a highway.
Really, you must go read the whole thing.
Unfamiliar with the sounds of people doing productive work, the US Senate made desperate 911 calls reporting gunfire, and at least one staffer left the building by gurney, having suffered a panic attack. 
raincoaster 