Christmas is coming and Hanukah is here already, so here’s an equal-time hump day Unicorn Chaser to freshen up the longest week of the year on the longest night. Light it up with this innovative, nerd-resonant solution to your seasonal decorating challenges: the Katamari Damancy Christmas … Thing.
The thing about these tinfoil trees was you were supposed to buy one of those rotating multicoloured spotlights so it wasn’t actually prettily silver or colourless; it would throb alternately in red, blue, yellow, and green, like a pagan discotheque on Mars. If you tried to use one of these things nowadays, you’d probably scramble cellphone signals for a square kilometer around. Comedy gold.
But let’s not see it as Two Solitudes; let’s see it as partners.
Hanukah and Christmas kittehs
Oh don’t they just look SO pleased to be celebrating the season together? You can’t see Druid Kitteh, as he was up in a tree at the time this photo was taken.
and, last but not least, in fact foremost in Unicorn Chaserianism, is this video of puppies playing under the tree. Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww…
First up, Judy Vitale from ReadTheStars. I kind of adore Judy; she’s that slightly loony aunt who makes family reunions tolerable by getting into the Chardonnay and telling people Things They Don’t Want To Hear all night long. Through the crack in the bathroom door if need be.
According to Judy, our boy has a problem. He’s got no fire. He’s all Earth and Water and of course to anyone familiar with the muck he’s neck-deep in right now, this makes total sense. His Uranus (Hisanus?) is squared, poor boy; they can fix that with surgery nowadays. In response to his elemental blockage, he’s compelled to seek out Fire in other people. May I make a suggestion? You can ask AngelNeptuneStar, I’m generally both surrounded by fire, friendly or not, and exuding it myself. Heck, you can ask Albania. Or this NYCTarotReader with whom we spoke earlier.
Does Julian Assange have that much influence? In his head, apparently yes. If Mr. Assange had spoken to an astrologer, though he would have found that he is in danger of making presumptuous, inflated and grandiose statements at this point in time, as Jupiter comes through to affect the positions of Uranus and the sun at the time of his birth. Jupiter has an inflationary effect. Yes, it can mean luck and exposure, and it can also signify braggadocio and over-confidence to the point of arrogance. In his case, and in anyone’s for that matter, the last thing an over-pumped Uranus needs is a killer dose of steroids! No matter your opinion of Assange or how accurate his self-assessment might be, it’s patently obvious he is a disruptive, revolutionary, and some say, innovative force. This is the energy of Uranus.
Myanus isn’t nearly that energetic, actually. And I really don’t WANT to know how Jupiter Juice got all over it, I just want him to clean up after himself.
Turning now to the exotic East, that is, the Downtown Eastside, we have a community doctor who also happens to know a thing or two about Chinese Horoscopes, and here is that report, fresh off the Twitter wire:
The timing of this blog post was impeccable. Upon further investigation, (because sadly I have nothing else to do) Julian Assange was actually born in the month of the Rat (albeit a Wooden Rat.) The year, however was a Metal Pig… so Astrologically somewhat close.
Not to be outdone by a woman with a moon and star blanket…
Admittedly, I don’t know anything about Uranus, but from a Chinese Astrological perspective and not knowing what time he was born, here’s my take.
Yes, Assange does not have any fire easily seen in his Chinese chart, however I would characterize his as more of a Water/Earth issue. He is an earth person with a strong Water team dominating his chart. Earth is supposed to block water but his is yin earth (Earth Ox) immediately beside a yang wood element (Wood Rat) – the image of a tree with it’s roots penetrating into soft soil comes to mind. The water element governs communications. Perhaps his innate inability to block all that water makes him a bit – shall we say, “Wiki-leaky?”
Contrarian me would suggest that it might mean he’s blocking the wiki-leaks instead?
…organize a fake protest flashmob. When the police show up, they should say they’re not protesting, they’re just impersonating protestors. See if Bloomberg still orders the police to beat up some reporters and Iraq war vets, just out of habit. Of course, then he’d say he’s only impersonating a mayor telling the police to beat up reporters and Iraq war vets. It’s all very meta.
Post-postmodernist, and almost certainly not prosecutable. Suddenly, 2pm Monday afternoon looks a lot more interesting.
Remember, Remember. Make sure Wall Street never forgets!
Yes, it’s November 5th, Bank Transfer Day.
Remember, remember the fifth of November
Gunpowder, treason and plot.
I see no reason, why gunpowder treason
Should ever be forgot.
Guy Fawkes, guy, t’was his intent
To blow up king and parliament.
Three score barrels were laid below
To prove old England’s overthrow.
By God’s mercy he was catch’d
With a darkened lantern and burning match.
So, holler boys, holler boys, Let the bells ring.
Holler boys, holler boys, God save the king.
Who is this Thomas Jefferson guy? He sounds like a filthy dirty hippie.
Don’t look now, but there’s something going on at the bank over there, George!
Occupy your own wallet by taking all your funds out of the Big Banks, putting them into your local credit union. You’ll get better service and better protections, you’ll own stock in a community business, and you’ll be helping make the world a better place.
Along with over one million Americans and counting:
That’s already about twice as many as switched from banks to credit unions last year, and when that video was made it wasn’t even November 5th yet! More switched in the month of October, 2011 than switched in all of last year.
“These results indicate that consumers are clearly making a smarter choice by moving to credit unions where, on average, they will save about $70 a year in fewer or no fees, lower rates on loans and higher return on savings,” said CUNA President Bill Cheney.
Scott Warren opened an account at JP Morgan Chase Bank in 2009 to receive unemployment payments.
Scott Warren mailed his statement to Chase after switching to a credit union. It said 'Dear Chase, Occupy Wall St., from your ex-customer.'"
“Chase was the only one that set it up for you,” said Warren, who was a quality supervisor at Unisolar in Greenville before being laid off. “I went to the unemployment office, they gave me my paperwork. I go to Chase, they set me up, and, right away, they’re trying to get me to sign up for a credit card.”
Warren was stunned. And it happened every time he went into a branch, he said.
“They knew why I was there,” he said, referring to his unemployed status at the time. “I told them I didn’t think that was smart. This tells me that they are not in business to serve my needs. They intend to make money off of my failures.”
In light of corralled girls and teargassed wheel-chair bound women and articulate youth and the hashtag #occupy showing up here, there, everywhere, does Vancity have something to offer? Yes, this vid gives a glimpse of a better way. It’s inspiring.
But it’s not a manifesto, and if ever a ballsy manifesto (nothing pretty, please! and no slick marketing!) was needed from a financial institution, one whose DNA is still gritty and radical even if tamed over the years, it’s needed now. Is a credit union something more than a kinder, gentler bank? I’m listening. And I hope about 99% of Canadian citizens are too.
Between September 2008 and March 2009, Canadian banks reduced their holdings of domestic residential mortgages from $486.1 billion to $434.9 billion according to Bank of Canada stats; on a net basis.
Where did those mortgages go, you ask? Did 10% of Canadian homeonwers sell their homes and move into rental accomodation enmasse during a six month period?
Of course not. The federal government created a unique program through CMHC specifically targeted at allowing Canadian chartered banks to move tens of billions of dollars of assets off of their balance sheets. The reason? Canadian banks couldn’t raise sufficient and/or cost-effective funding from their traditional sources – primarily other global financial institutions – and needed Crown intervention to keep the wolf from the door. By mid-November 2008, the federal government had agreed to take $75 billion of mortgages from Canadian banks.
Assuming the risk-weighting of these assets was 20%, the feds essentially put $15 billion of capital into the Canadian banks that participated in the $75 billion CMHC program.
Bank Transfer Day: Ah, remember how it all began!
More money for you, less for “Too big to fail” corporations that would no longer exist if your tax dollars hadn’t been used to prop them up when their own machinations dug a grave for them. No tie-dyed, herbal-tea-stained, smelly hippie radical protester fingerprints on any of it.
Taking back your own wealth while sticking it to The Man, making more money, and saving fees?
As of this writing, somebody’s posting to Facebook every 30 seconds that they ditched their bank in favor of a credit union…The campaign has caught on and credit unions reported a $4.5 billion surge in assets in October alone…
Should you wish to go about your business today or any other day wearing an Anonymous-approved Guy Fawkes mask, but hesitate to participate in consumerism by buying a mask copyrighted by Warner Brothers, you can print out a paper pattern for a 3D mask here, and you can find instructions on making an origami mask at the bottom of this post.
This week so far I’ve mortally offended a blood relation, an ex-boyfriend, and a dear friend of the family by responding to their no-doubt-heartfelt emails with this.
If you have the same kind of relatives, exes, and friends, I suggest you do the same. Lyrics (and bonus video) over the jump, and is it my imagination or does Weird Al simply continue to evolve to higher and higher planes? Eventually, we will all worship Weird Al, and we will be right to.
raincoaster 