From Duct Tape and Rouge, via Defamer, even though I’m still mad at them, dammit. Okay, so they read BoingBoing too; that doesn’t mean I didn’t send them the Brian Atene 2.0. Remember that Star Trek where the green Batgirl recites a piece, saying “I wrote that yesterday” and her boyfriend yells “It’s Shakespeare, and he wrote it centuries ago!” to which she both rightfully and indignantly replied, “that doesn’t mean that I didn’t write it yesterday!”

Quite right, too.

Here is Camp Crystal Lake‘s post-season debrief, with an emphasis on increasing camper retention by decreasing the Gory Death Quotient.

With November’s cold weather quickly approaching, we’re once again faced with the end of another camping season here at Camp Crystal Lake. This will be the last newsletter until next March when we begin the staffing process for our summer camp programs. I’d like to thank our camp counselors for a job well done. As always, I’d like to use this final letter to talk about the things that worked this past year and also to address some possible changes we can make to make next season that much more successful and enjoyable…

Try to decrease employee turnover rate by 10%
While I love to hire new people for our camp counselor program each year, I would love to see some of our older counselors take a more proactive approach in pursuing a career with Camp Crystal Lake. At the beginning of the summer, I really felt like one of our counselors, Adam, was going to do great things with us well into the future, but sadly, he took his own life after a canoeing session by pinning himself against a tree and twisting his own head around 360 degrees. Of the remaining counselors, the ones who weren’t murdered are currently in therapy to help them cope with watching their peers get slaughtered like cattle. I went ahead and told some of them to stay in touch if they are looking for future employment, but I’m not banking on anything there since I really don’t know a lot about the duration of that kind of therapy.