exactly why I am doomed to burn in Hell for eternity

The Last Battle

First of all, when people tag me to do memes, even cool ones, I ignore them. Sometimes I apologize, but mostly I just say “you think I’m doing a meme?” This is a continuation of my elementary school habit of refusing to write stories on any of the four subjects suggested and coming up with my own idea.

  1. what I did on my summer vacation
  2. my pet
  3. what I want to be when I grow up
  4. when my family came to Canada

I think it’s fairly safe to say that “How to Capture a Unicorn” is a more compelling essay topic, particularly for a teacher who’s spent several hours wading through identical papers.

In any case, I don’t do memes when tagged. I do, on occasion, steal memes, though, and it is the result of one such theft which has made inevitable my eventual, and eternal, damnation.

It was a simple book meme; Grab the nearest book, turn to page 123, look up the fifth sentence, and type out the next three sentences. Innocuous enough, right? Like the pebble which starts the avalanche, it displayed no hint of the terrible chain of events it was about to set in motion. First, max posted it. Then I read it. And then, I’m ashamed to say, the urge to pocket it became irresistible and I gave in and grabbed that fucker like it was a chocolate-coated, bacon-wrapped, Viggo-topped ingot of solid gold.

Polyeuct and NearchusAnd I ran with it.

Oh, man. This is so sad. The nearest book is The Last Battle, by CS Lewis. Great, I get the book that has the end of the world in it. Swell.

Tirian had no need to ask which was the High King, for he remembered his face (though here it was far nobler) from his dream. He stepped forward, sank on one knee and kissed Peter’s hand.

“High King,” he said. “You are welcome to me.”

Oh, great. And now I’ve put gay innuendo into a meeting of the High King and the Last King of Narnia.

I’m going to hell.

Well, I am!

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why do I ALWAYS do that?

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why I’m not in a book club. Watch as the Giant Squid from Mister Hell acts out my day-to-day existence for your enjoyment.

moar poastz cummin souhn.

LOLlagory

funny pictures
But everybody knows, Aslan can actually spell just fine.

Cthulhun

Cthulhun

From Twystneko, via Geekdad, via Dale

In his tomb in R’lyeh, Great Cthulhun lies, deflating. And if you untie him, he makes this sound: Ph’nglui mglw’nafh wgah’nagl fhtagn as he zips around the ceiling. MOST undignified!

A Happy Octopus New Year!

Now this is what I call a party!
Octopus love
This touching depiction of cephalopod love in the fatal style of Romeo and Juliet was painted by Brandi Milner and passed along by Mistress Cowfish, at whose lovely tiki bar I, myself, spent a happy New Year’s Eve. It’s a darn good thing she’s fond of him, even though he appears to be dying (for the fatal biology of the case, see The Little Mermaid) because fighting off eight arms is not a pleasant task, particularly if you’ve been drinking. Such a shame they must be separated by death.
It’s positively cephalopoignant.

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