News of the Weird, Wired

There are a select few readers for whom Giant Squid news is not enough. Nay, even the Colossal Squid news cannot satisfy their voracious appetites for the bizarre, the amusing, the chance to laugh at some sucker named “Wayne.”

For these people, there is News of the Weird.

A selection from the most recent bulletin:

After Seattle police chased a carjacking suspect into a tree in February, bystanders gathered around and laughed, but the suspect, still defiant, yelled at them, “It’s not funny!” (However, according to a KIRO-TV reporter, some in the crowd yelled back, “Yes it is!”) [KIRO-TV (Seattle), 2-3-06]

Undignified Deaths:

A 21-year-old man was shot to death inside a stranger’s home at 1:45 a.m., perhaps after having missed the bumper sticker on the homeowner’s truck, reading, “Gun control means using both hands.” (Rochester, N.H., September). [Foster’s Daily Democrat (Dover, N.H.), 9-17-05]

More Things to Blame on Bush:

Two gunmen robbed a 57-year-old woman in her Westerville, Ohio, home in February, but, according to a police report, argued among themselves about how to do the job, until one of the men, perhaps feeling sorry for himself, said, “This is all George W. Bush’s fault. He screwed up the economy.” All the two men needed, he said, was “gas money for the car.” [WCMH-TV (Columbus), 2-3-06] 

American Pride:

In January, spokesman Nick Inskip of the trade association of Australia’s legalized brothels and strip clubs praised the American sailors who that week began several days’ shore leave in Brisbane. “(T)he fellows are fantastic customers,” he said. “They are so well-mannered. … They’re very aware that they’re representing their country, and that’s why they behave so well.” [Courier-Mail (Brisbane), 1-24-06]

Wish List

In case you’re wondering what to get me for a present when I throw my “My Book Is Finally Updated, Thank GOD!” tiki-themed party, which theme has nothing to do with the book but a serial-killer-themed party just doesn’t have the right feelgood vibe, you know what I’m sayin’, here is the answer, Kiki the Fashion Tiki from Gobler Toys:

Kiki the Fashion Tiki

 

Although the vindictive bitch in me also likes Johnny Voodoo (revenge has never been so cuddly):

When trouble arises

Catch Johnny some vermin.

With a small sacrifice

Your foes will be squirmin’!

 Johnny Voodoo

Best! Radio! Ever!

Goomba 

I had forgotten about WMOB, Mob Radio until The Smoking Gun reminded me. It’s time for a stroll down memory lane, listening to the dulcet tones of Fritzy and Frankie. From the site:

Girl problems. Mafia beefs. High blood pressure. Listen to what’s bugging two real-life New York gangsters in these secret FBI wiretaps. It’s Seinfeld meets The Sopranos: a series about nuttin’.

Particularly wonderful are the goombada discussions, the mother-in-law complaints, and the infamous “colonic episode.”