I haven’t worked at Starbucks in nine years, but I STILL remember the neurasthenic cat lady (who no doubt taught pottery to survivors of sexual abuse or goddess affirmations to divorcees or something similar) who asked for a non-fat, no-egg, dairy-free eggnog.
To which I replied that she could not have one, as God did not mean for that to exist. And no, it took them SIX MORE YEARS to fire me!
Awww, they grow up so fast. I remember when she was no more malevolent than a fluffy bunny!
My favorite Q/A combo: 10 e:
I must admit, my Cthulhu Spawn score is shockingly low, but I attribute this to my response to a car breakdown. I mean, everybody knows that wild woodland sex fixes cars. Which reminds me to get an unreliable car…and a boyfriend.
| Which creature of the night are you?
Your Result: Demon
Your raging id needs no chemical incentive to break out into a fiery orgy of destruction. When you’re not burning, you’re brooding. All you need is someone to point the way out for you. |
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| Cthulu Spawn |
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| Vampire |
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| Incubus/Succubus |
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| Sorceror |
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| Werewolf |
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| Ghost |
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| Which creature of the night are you? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz |
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You can watch this (PG- if not R- rated) video of Barbie‘s existential crisis and just somehow KNOW that this girl has a sad Livejournal with Evanescence on autoplay.
This is a capella group Straight No Chaser‘s version of the 12 Days of Christmas…remixed with a little 80’s flava. If you want to fast forward to the payoff, it’s all good but the real payoff starts about 1:58. You can tell because people start screaming, which is an unusual enough event at a barbershop choir event, however dapper they may look in their suits.
passed along in the help forums by Annette Fix
Beaver shots are, indeed, one of our evergreen subjects around these parts, although if yours is green I’d recommend that Monistat stuff or maybe some nutritious, low-cal cranberry and yogurt smoothies.
Ahem.
And so it is that, once again, we are posting about beaver. Well, everybody loves beaver, right? Why, it’s the national animal of Canada! But specifically today, we are posting about The Beaver.
The. Beaver.
The forbidden beaver!
For as our trusty allies at Defamer report, The Beaver is possibly the hottest, best, most popular thing in Hollywood right now, but even so, The Beaver can’t get a contract.
Sigh. How many times have we heard it, my friends? How many more times must we hear this sad tale of neglected beavitude?
From The Black List, a list of greatest unproduced screenplays:
1. THE BEAVER, Kyle Killen
Walter Black, a depressed toy manufacturer, loses his family and his business. But then Walter tries on a hand puppet — a chatty British rodent called ”The Beaver” — and his personality is transformed. It’s all good at first, but things turn ugly when the puppet won’t let go.
That, too, is a tale oft told. But ask any girl: Walter totally has it coming. You can’t pick up a discarded beaver, talk to it nice, fist it, and then expect to just walk away.
raincoaster 