Category Archives: Entertainment

The Brady Trash

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A white-trash version of the Brady Bunch, featuring special guest Peter Brady!

Today in Enteroctopus Dofleini Movie News: It Came from Beneath the Sea

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Captain Nemo and the Giant Pacific OctopusHere it comes.
[sho' nuff]

What is it?
[the Giant Pacific Octopus]

Is it real?
[no, it is an early work by Ray Harryhausen, master model monster]

A Tidalwave of Terror Engulfs the Screen as the Raging Monster from the Dawn of Creation Attacks the World of Man.
[they just don't alliterate and hyperbolize like they used to – Michael Bay excepted]

IT CAME FROM BENEATH THE SEA!!!

The H-bomb Blasted It Loose from the Depths of the Pacific, But Not Even the H-bomb Can Kill It.
[because we have to work out our existential nuclear guilt somehow]

San Francisco Doomed!
[Save the Filmore!]

Golden Gate Bridge Uprooted!
[Tacoma Narrows 2.0!]

Buildings Topple!
[Yeah, I'm thinking the time is right for a comeback for this flick]

Thousands Die in Streets!
[see above]

West Coast Reels Under Holocaust as the Men and Weapons of the Atomic Age Battle to the Death Against the Ageless Monster of the Deep
[five bucks on the ageless monster of the deep]

WHAT CITY WILL BE NEXT?
[is this voting-enabled?]

mug shot o’ the week: the hobbit poisoner

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The Hobbit Poisoner

Yes indeedy, according to The Smoking Gun, teenage Rosie Cotton-lookalike Katherine Smith was understudying a fifteen-year-old for the lead in a high school play when she decided to take the casting into her own hands.

Having spread the word to family and friends that she was actually playing the lead in the school's production of the no-doubt immortal "Ha," she then dosed the actual star's Mountain Dew with Clorox bleach.

Ah, if Bruce Springsteen gets ahold of this story, teenage ballads will never be the same.

Perhaps he should collaborate with Nick Cave.

Smith, who used an eye dropper to place bleach in the 20-ounce soda bottle, told a school administrator that she wanted to harm the lead actress "so she could not perform in the play." Smith's plot was thwarted when the girl smelled an unusual odor emanating from the Dew. Pictured [above] in a Tarrant County Sheriff's Office mug shot, Smith faces up to 20 years in prison if convicted of the spiking bid.

Valley of Gwombi

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A video tribute to one of my favorite movies of all time, the immortal cinematic masterwork The Valley of Gwanji, the James Franciscus cowboy dinosaur flick.

After a confusing opening scene in which some gypsies argue about a vague legend, we meet our hero: Tuck Kirby, as played by James "They Couldn't Get Heston" Franciscus. GwanjiposterKirby is a rootin'-tootin' turn-of-the-century cowboy with peroxide hair and unbelievably large and perfect teeth. Kirby has come to a small Mexican town to purchase a circus act for Buffalo Bill's show…

The centerpiece of it all, of course, is the allosaurus named (what else?) Gwangi who becomes the focus of our heroes' attentions. After taking down another dinosaur, Gwangi is quickly targeted to become the headlining act in T.J.'s circus. Anyone else who thinks this is a bad idea, raise your hand.

Ah, what does this dope know? It was a stroke of genius, as you can see from the following trailer. Gwanji is just so frickin' cool that he's automatically elevated to "Squid" tag.

viva la Chi’en revolucion

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Chi'en RevolutionFired CBS anchorman Arthur Chi'en has won his wrongful dismissal case against his ex-employers.

The revolutionary icon was kicked to the curb, as you may recall, for losing it under pressure, live on-air, and inquiring of a pestering gadfly:

What the fuck is your problem?

The Chi'en Cause was, naturally, taken up by bloggers and student journalists everywhere, particularly after it became known that the pestering gadfly in question was actually employed by another media organization specifuckally to perform such interventions.

From the Revolutionary Headquarters:

Arthur Chi'en, The Right Man At The Right Time!

Today's battle is only the beginning of a long and illustrious life of leadership in the war against placard-bearing satellite-radio drones and shell-shocked corporate news officers! Show your support of his righteous reaction in your office cubicle and/or local shopping center! He will report again!

And today's report, from the mainstream media:

F-word shouldn't have spelled 'fired' Chi'en WTF is your problem?
 
An arbitrator has ruled TV reporter Arthur Chi'en was wrongly fired by WCBS Channel 2 for blurting out the F-word on live television last year.
The station should have handed Chi'en a lesser penalty for lashing out at hecklers in a live shot when he thought the cameras weren't rolling last May.