on how to use WordPress.

Today, because I've already lost one 1500-word entry on how to use WordPress, we're going to start by explaining how NOT to lose entries you've just typed.

WordPress is going through some weirdness, and it means that, every now and again, for no reason whatsoever, your posts disappear instead of getting posted. You can spare yourself the heartbreak by doing one simple thing.

Hit Control A, then Control C just before posting. This selects, then copies everything in your text box (you'll see it highlighted) so that even when you hit Publish and you go to Page Not Found or similar infuriating bullshit, you still have everything you typed, including the formatting.

THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING I AM GOING TO TEACH YOU EVER

Not that I am bitter about the many tens of thousands of words Amelia Earheart and Elvis are reading in the Bermuda Triangle at this very moment.

Anyway…

To post text in your blog, you sign in. It's important to sign in because not only can't you post or make any changes to your blog before you're signed in, but also unless you're signed in the statcounter will think you're a reader and you'll get inflated numbers of readers. To sign in, go to:

http://yourblog'sname.wordpress.com/wp-admin

I am assuming you are intelligent enough to make the proper substitution. Do not disappoint me; you wouldn't like me when I'm disappointed.

Once you're signed in, you'll be on your Dashboard. This is like the bridge of a ship, Operations Central for your blog. From here you can get to the WordPress Forums if you have a question, or anywhere else in Wordpress. It displays the most popular blogs and the most popular posts, as well as most recent posts and some of your more recent doings and comments as well. Look around.

When you're ready to write something, go to Write, near the top of the page. No matter what page you're in "backstage" as it were, there's pretty much always a Write tab visible, and that's what you click when you're ready to go. If you can't find it, hit Dashboard and from there hit Write.

Once you've clicked and the page has come up, check to see that you've got the rich text editing tools: B, I, ABC etc. If your text box doesn't have these at the top, stop what you're doing and go to Users (along the top of the page) and click Use the visual rich editor when writing then click Update and you're good to go back. Click on Write and you should see the options. It takes a sec for the rich text editor to come up; don't worry, this pause is common with WordPress.

Now you can type away. Title goes in the title box, and you can't, unfortunately, do any formatting with that. No links, no italics, nothing. That's just in the text box, below. To bold text, italicize, or strikethrough, you type the relevant text in, then go back and select (highlight) it. Once all the text you want to bold or whatever is highlighted, click B for Bold or I for Italic, etc.

When you are quoting from an article, it's good netiquette to put the source in, plus the direct link to where you got the article, and then, for the quote, use blockquotes, which are a kind of indent. WordPress makes this easier; it's the seventh from the left button. Click on that, then paste or type the text in; when viewed in the regular window, it'll be indented a bit and there will be a line to the left side, a visible clue you are quoting from elsewhere. When you're done quoting, hit Enter to give you a new line, and hit the sixth-from left button, which will give you Normal Margins again.

So that looks like to quote this text: from http://www.perezhilton.com/topics/britney_spears/the_bitch_is_back_20060524.php which is an entry on Perez Hilton's blog, you want to quote this text:

"This is for everyone who thinks they know me"

We don't think we know you, Brit. How can that be possible when we think YOU don't even know yourself???

Find your way girl!!

When you format it properly according to these WordPress 101 instructions, it'll look like:

From PerezHilton (you have to type that bit) at http://www.perezhilton.com/topics/britney_spears/the_bitch_is_back_20060524.php (and we will learn to pretty up the link later) 

"This is for everyone who thinks they know me"

We don't think we know you, Brit. How can that be possible when we think YOU don't even know yourself???

Find your way girl!!

See? 

You can select Centred text, Left Aligned or Right Aligned by the tabs that are to the left of that; all that's required is that you click somewhere in the relevant paragraph. Left looks best, Centred is somewhat poetical and foofy, and Right aligned just looks weird.

The actual text I leave up to you. Once it's in and formatted to your heart's delight, you choose Categories (another lesson) and then hit Publish. You can just go ahead and publish without picking categories for now.

BUT NOT BEFORE YOU CONTROL A, CONTROL C, right?

We'll cover the other buttons in future lessons. You may (likely) get a pop-up window giving you some sort of dumbass security warning. Get used to it; this will happen almost every time you hit Publish. I don't know why. It doesn't matter. Just hit Yes, I wanna Post. To me, if Bill Gates wants to see into my computer, he'll get what is damn well coming to him.

Oh yeah, if you use MSN Messenger, sign out before using WordPress. They interfere with one another sumpin' awful.