Category Archives: tragedy

Steve Irwin wants you to watch THAT video

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not this one:

No, he wants you to watch the video of him getting killed by a stingray.

I. Am. Serious.

Even dead, Steve Irwin has more raw character than an entire continent! Let’s take a look at what the man reportedly said:

Irwin once stated, “My number one rule is to keep that camera rolling. Even if it’s shaky or slightly out of focus, I don’t give a rip.

“Even if a big old alligator is chewing me up I want to go down and go, ‘Crikey!’ just before I die. That would be the ultimate for me.”

Now, unnamed sources talking to websites I’m not familiar with aren’t the world’s most reliable news outlets. Still, I’m posting this because it sounds exactly like what he would have said, and I’m entirely sure that if he did say that, the commentors will hunt it down and give me date/time/audio. Also, if he didn’t, that a raincoaster alliance of commentors and moi will hunt down and destroy that website.

UPDATE: Yes, it’s true.

Steve, don't you think you shouldn't do that with an open wound? You smell like chum.

Stingray apologizes for killing Steve Irwin

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Finally, someone on this planet takes responsibility for his actions. I’ve had enough with people taking refuge in “temporary insanity,” “I was drunk” and “it’s my cultural heritage” excuses. Somebody stepped up and took it like a man.

Too bad it’s a coldblooded, murderous fish. I may have to start dating outside my species but given my opinion of humanity it’s probably a step up. Popbitch’s tips on having sex with dolphins awaits in the Gmail archive…nah. Squid, different story.

LAist via, I think, Defamer.

After days of blaming everyone but himself, Wednesday morning the stingray responsible for the tragic death of the beloved tv personality Steve Irwin finally manned-up and apologized for killing Australia’s most lovable bloke.

“To be honest I thought he was just another asshole tourist trying to ride me. How was I supposed to know that he was the freaking Crocodile Hunter?” the stingray said through his publicist Jo Brooks.

…Stingray, yo

“I know my life is over, they should just kill me now,” he said before breaking down. “Besides, how’s a brother supposed to get any tail without… a tail? Just finish me off and get it over with.”

The stingray has never had any run-ins with the law and is being represented by Johnnie Conchshell who guarantees to get his client off the hook.

Stingray, baby!

no state funeral for Steve Irwin

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Steve and some critter 

UPDATE IN THE COMMENTS SECTION: Film at eleven?

Although Australia offered a full state funeral, in accordance with his status as a national hero/monument/insane mascot, Steve Irwin‘s family have decided to have a private funeral for him.

from The Australian, via an Absolute Stranger.

Australian
07 Sep 2006STEVE Irwin will be buried in private after his Crikey!family declined offers of a state funeral, with his father Bob yesterday saying the international celebrity should be remembered as an ordinary bloke.

The laconic, slightly built retired reptile farmer was obviously grief-stricken but he faced the public because it was what his “mate” Steve would have wanted.

Similarly, he declined offers by Prime Minister John Howard and Queensland Premier Peter Beattie for a state funeral.

“He’s just an ordinary bloke and he wanted to be remembered as an ordinary bloke,” said the 66-year-old Mr Irwin, whose two-year-old grandson Bob was named after him.

As Queensland police yesterday locked footage of Irwin‘s death by stingray in a safe, his manager John Stainton said the film was so harrowing it should be destroyed to prevent it ever being made public.

If you go to the front page, you can see that this post has, get this, 4100 comments. For a man who didn’t blog, that’s one hell of a blogstorm.

steve irwin, rip

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Steve Irwin is the most brilliant Australian in the history of recorded…history. Ever. Bar none.