Daily Archives: April 19, 2006

Slight Bitter Aftertaste

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Black and TanBen & Jerry's, no longer owned or operated by either Ben or Jerry, finally catches on to the fact that not all of their customers think a "Black & Tan" ice cream will go down smoothly.

Ben & Jerry's, the socially aware ice-cream maker, has apologised to Irish consumers for launching a new flavour evoking the worst days of British military oppression.

Black and Tans, irate customers explained, was the term for an irregular force of British ex-servicemen recruited during the Irish war of independence and renowned for their brutality, including the 1920 massacre of 12 people at a Dublin football match.

Some things are still hard to swallow after seventy-six years.

COLOSSAL…shrimp

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No, seriously!

Colossal Crustacean

News comes, via Sploid, that a biologist in Columbia has purchased the world's most incredibly ginormous, huge, lumbering, colossiod, towering…

shrimp.

Says the biologist:

"This is the biggest species ever known here or even in literature! The big difference, which could also be harmful for us, is that this species is a predator and it could end native species!"

Nearly the size of a man's foot, this incredible monster was finally landed, after an unnamed and (no doubt) unnameable struggle, by innocent Columbian fishermen, momentarily ignorant of the cosmic shudders sent echoing to the very depths of the abyss where the blind idiot god Azathoth bubbles and blasphemes at the center of the universe for eternity, by their bumbling, oblivious capture of this, the very Fungi of Yuggoth.

Or black tiger prawn.

You say kebab, I say ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.

Narnia Rap Battle: The Roundup

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You’ve read the books, you’ve seen the movie, Narnia Lucy and Tumnusyou’ve heard the stories. You’re probably still hoping, somewhere in your heart of hearts, that Susan is saving herself for you.

But you have no fucking idea about the Narnia Rap Battle.

Behold:

See, once upon a time about three months ago

SNL started something. SNL! Yeah, I know!

But this thing, it went viral; all the kids were emailing.

It was outta control, yeah this thing was just wailing!

Narnia Lion the Witch and the WardrobeNBC drones found out, shut it down like a flash.

Way too late: got on YouTube, we all started to thrash.

There was LA, and Muncie, two young dudes from Chi-town.

Ain’t no point, NBC, in this “Hey, shut ’em down!”

Now Cambridge steps up; Oxford isn’t around.

C.S. Lewis, poor dead guy, spinning down in the ground.

It’s a Narnia rap, what we all want to play.

Don’t get all literal: allegory? No way.

Take a Narnia word, take a Narnia sound,

Give it harsh attitude, then you kick it around,

And that’s all it takes, just a matter of class

and if that’s not enough I’ll kick you in the ass.

Tea, motherfuckerfucker! Tea, motherfucker!

Narnia Kids Train Station

The original, Lazy Sunday, as interpreted legally and protected by Right to Satirize legislation by two eleven-year-old Chicagoans:

The West Coast response, Lazy Monday:

The Midwestern entry, Lazy Muncie. Can’t beat a dance at the Elk’s Lodge:

And finally, the UK Narnia Rap. I dunno what’s up with Oxford, but Cambridge stole a march on them, and on their home turf at that! How mortifying!