Daily Archives: November 8, 2006

hi K-Fed, u b Fed-Ex now lol

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This is simply charming. Perez Hilton, Canuckistan‘s favorite Cuban, has posted this footage of K-Fed on MuchMusic the day before Britney filed the big D on his sorry wigger ass. He spent the entire day with a camera crew clamped to his leg like a shackle, filming some reality show nobody’s ever heard of, this episode of which has just increased in value by a factor of twenty.

If I and the entire magnitude of Canada, gay America, and Gawker Media (some overlap here, admittedly) are not mistaken, the text message he receives over dinner contains the tender “Dear K-Fed, bye y’all” message the world has so long waited for. Watch and judge for yourself.

Couldn’t happen to a nicer guy.

the T factor: Belgian vs crocodile

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kid vs croc, somebody call Steve Irwin!You don’t need to be a math genius to lay the odds on this one.

Yes, dunking your fleshy paw in the water and splashing is a great way to attract a crocodile. Works every time.

What’s not such a good idea is the whole “attracting a crocodile” part. Is Belgian sashimi as tasty as Belgian fries? There’s one crocodile in Australia who knows for sure, but I’m not gonna do the interview unless it’s by sattelite.

News.com.au has the story:

Queensland Parks and Wildlife Service (QPWS) spokesman Mark Read says the 24-year-old male tourist splashed water to “attract a crocodile” to photograph it at Cape Tribulation, about 350km north of Cairns, today.

“It wasn’t a good idea,” Dr Reid said.

Thank you, Dr. Reid, for that insight. Can you translate that into Walloon for me? Tourist season is just starting.

Yoohoo! Over here!!!

Britney Spears(?) sex tape trailer

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hey y'all! I'm not trashy!

UPDATE: golly, this sure seems to be a popular post. Wonder if anyone will read the rest of our posts about Britney and this notorious video.

Yup, yesterday she lost her claim that the very rumour of the tape’s existence is defamatory (judge’s reasoning: come on people, she’s Britney Spears! Like she wouldn’t bang the hell out of her husband on tape while he watched the playoffs or something. Puh-leeze!) and today, the first full day of her official long march to divorce, nineteen seconds of that rumoured to be alleged Britney Spears reported “sex tape” has been posted to PornoTube, and is up on Fleshbot.

Verdict: sure looks like her, in her black-haired phase. This was, therefore, and completely hypothetically, post-impregnation, somewhere around the time of the Harper’s Bazaar cover shot, meaning Britney, if it was Britney, would have been six or more months along. UPDATE: Titania on Gawker notes that her hair was dyed dark for her wedding as well, so this could be from the honeymoon. You can’t tell from this part; you don’t get to see the woman’s body. And you can’t see the guy’s face at all…that’s not where the camera and the woman are focused, if you get my meaning, nudge nudge.

Come one, come all. Or rather, “y’all.”

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quote o’ the day: life lessons from The Avengers

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steed and peelpassed along by Archie from something he saw on the web:

“Mrs. Peel taught me that strength and confidence are even more feminine than finding the perfect outfit and Mr. Steed taught me that a man shines most brilliantly when he doesn’t block the light of the woman sitting next to him.”

killer snails on the move!

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Giant African Snails. Icky, icky poo!They are coming…

The snail made a splash as it entered the sea. To drown or to be eaten alive? the professor wondered. He was waist-deep when he stumbled, waist-deep but head under when the snail crashed down upon him, and he realized as the thousands of pairs of teeth began to gnaw at his back, that his fate was both to drown and to be chewed to death.

(Patricia Highsmith, The Quest for Blank Claveringi)

Cool!

via Fark. I have that story in an ancient and mouldy Alfred Hitchcock anthology, and an excellent and creeptastic suspense-filled read it is, too. Everyone loves to watch a bore get what’s really coming to him, no matter how long it takes to get there.

It appears if he lives in Barbados, it’s already arrived. AP reports on the invasion of Giant African snails:

A breed of giant, ravenous snails that first appeared in Barbados five years ago has thrived on the tropical island, destroying crops and prompting calls for the government to eliminate the slimy pests…

“We saw snails riding on each other’s backs and moving in clusters,” said David Walrond, chairman of the local emergency response office that organized 60 volunteers for the hunt…

Ah, but were they the hunters or the quarry, my friend? Let us hope that these comparatively peaceable, although potentially fatal and certainly voracious, snails never call upon their aquatic cousins, the deadly Cone Snails, one of the most poisonous creatures to crawl across the beslimed and horror-struck face of the planet. One message carried through the briny vastness to Rl’yeh and an army of vengence could be unleashed!

In fact, they may already be on their way, streaming towards Barbados by the thousands.

Just. Very. Slowly.

now boarding, at gate 666