Britney loses weight: 180 pounds!

 the body's back, boys!

Skanks, wiggers, and rednecks everywhere rejoice as today their Vestal “Virgin” Britney Spears, tosses aside Husband #2 as the first step on the long march to eventual penniless and dubiously-titled decrepitude.

Yep, she’s single. TMZ via Gawker has the report. I have only one question:

DOES JUSTIN KNOW?

…citing “irreconcilable differences.” In her petition, Spears asks for both legal and physical custody of the couple’s two children, one-year old Sean Preston and two-month old Jayden James, with Federline getting reasonable visitation rights.

As for money, sources tell TMZ the couple, who married in Oct. 2004, has an iron-clad prenup. Not surprisingly, Spears is waiving her right to spousal support. She’s also asking the judge to make each party pay their own attorney’s fees.

Spears gives the date of separation as yesterday, the same day she flaunted her incredible revamped physique during a surprise appearance on David Letterman‘s show.

Boys, you know what it takes: nice arms, a collection of tats, a pretty face, the ability to wear clothes large enough to fit an entire family of nomads inside, and proof of fertility. Deafness is a plus, or at least one of god’s small mercies in this case.

Good luck and god speed.

Oh, and the news about the sex tape is here.

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23 thoughts on “Britney loses weight: 180 pounds!

  1. i’m on it. i don’t have the nice arms or the pretty face, but my hearing is terrible and i can wear some huge clothes.

    btw, did you notice that in the pic above her right boob is seriously warped? what’s your guess– bad airbrush/photoshop job, bad implant, or god-given deformity?

    there also appears to be some sort of creme filling oozing out of her belly button.

  2. Bad photoshop is my guess. Everyone knows her implants are perfect! (if you get a closeup view, do report back! good luck). And I’ll bet it’s not the first time she’s had some kind of creamy filling in her bellybutton.

    Get to work on the arms. She got that body she flaunted on Letterman in just two months after the baby was born, so you can do this. And then you can take me out to dinner after she installs you as her boy toy and hubbie du jour.

    If it doesn’t end up being you, I’m praying it’s the Manny. He was cute.

  3. awwwww, yeah. just talking about getting with brittney already got me a dinner date. once i start impregnating her and get my hip hop act off the ground, this is gonna be sweeeeet

  4. Y’know–this pic just begs for: “Not the first time she’s had an enormous pearl necklace either”.

    By the way–is a “vestal virgin” someone who’s never been had in a vest?

    I think approching her-parents-can’t-spellness as oneself is a sure loser–not unlike her hubbies. Have a few teeth extracted, get some badly-spelled body art, grow a Kentucky waterfall and take some “beat yer wife better” classes at Rednex Jymnzyum.

    I mean, aren’t all women looking for a father figure?

  5. Britney doesn’t have a father; I think she was born in a test tube, the offspring of Menudo and the Spice Girls, who’ve been taken to a private island compound specifically for the purpose of breeding pop stars. Once Brit-brit’s tatas start to point south, she’ll be sent there along with Nick Lachey and the rest of them to produce the next generation of gorgeous, mindless pop tarts.

    I’d suggest working on your dance moves. Her backup dancers get to spend hours a day staring at her ass: there could be worse fates.

  6. AAAAAGGGHHHHHHH – I gave up on vacuous minds on stick-insects quite some time ago! Give me a thinking woman anytime. The most erogenous part of any body is the mind! Forget the politics, a Condoleza Rice or a Hilary Clinton (or a raincoaster) is far more sexy than a Paris Hilton, a Posh or a Britney.

  7. Excuse me, but raincoaster is far prettier than Condi or Hillary. Raincoaster has, in fact, been called the Britney of the blogosphere, and by no less an authority than Vicus Scurra, I will have you know!

    Think of me as the Emma Peel of the cyberdom.

  8. Emma, my life-long love! (comes instantly to attention) I can at last come out of hiding. (signed) John Steed – (swings gold-handled cane, flips top hat and offers a flute of Joseph Perrier Josephine Champagne, the 1990 vintage, of course.)

  9. Wow, I thought Steed was gay. We’ll talk…
    And I’m not all that surprised it lasted three years; it was doomed from the start, but I thought it would last at least until he stopped being able to impregnate her. Then again, he got fat. Maybe that was the problem; I should clarify: he got fat WITHOUT being pregnant, so in Britney’s world maybe that’s all it takes.

    PS: Hey y’all, here I am!

  10. “The Britney of the blogosphere”? I hope he wasn’t referring to your mental acuity. Has he met you?

    Y’know, I always thought Emma was a fag hag, but sorry–Steed was last seen in a rocket ship romancing … wasn’t it Tara King?

  11. All the gays know how to court a lady…we only wish they’d teach it to the straight men. I, personally, always thought he was being so nice to them so he could borrow their clothes for parties.

  12. I am not gay, just very , very camp, like all upperclass Englishmen. Emma’s leather cat suit would not fit me. I have my own, thank you very much!

    Would you like some more bubbly, Peel?

    Signed, John Steed.

  13. From a website I have found; “Mrs. Peel taught me that strength and confidence are even more feminine than finding the perfect outfit and Mr. Steed taught me that a man shines most brilliantly when he doesn’t block the light of the woman sitting next to him.”

    Words to live by, Mrs Peel.

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  16. Boys, you know what it takes: nice arms, a collection of tats, a pretty face, the ability to wear clothes large enough to fit an entire family of nomads inside, and proof of fertility. Deafness is a plus, or at least one of god’s small mercies in this case.

    I thought previous work experience in a mental health clinic was also a requirement.

  17. Not at all. Mental health isn’t important to Britney. Actually, given her childcare methods, perhaps you should be a good catcher. Maybe she’ll be recruiting from ball teams soon.

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