operation global media domination: victory!

Seriously, you have no idea how important!

Welcome, the curious and unbanned.

TIAWell it took them long enough.

On the other hand, it’s palpably quite a lot better for hits than NOT being banned, so I won’t complain too much. Yes, today Gawker, Defamer, Gridskipper, Consumerist, et al, al, in fact, of Nick Denton‘s bloggy empire, joined the illustrious ranks of … hell, what WAS the name of that fan board? Only Orlando Plus! that’s right, thanks to the editors of Gawker they now stand side by side with a defunct Orlando Bloom and Viggo Mortensen fansite.

They have banned me.

I should probably be hurt by being called “stunningly unfunny” by the people who write TO DO, blog pet cuteness stakes, and Unsolicited, who are, as you can see from their posts, experts on the subject, but strangely, I am not. (I do cop to the ubiquity, though. Yep, they so totally nailed me there. ETA comma abuse: they didn’t even mention comma abuse!)

And today, I am up a significant percentage in hits. To the Twin Hermiones (and Balk) I say thank you. And good-bye.

Better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven
(will miss Defamer though; that’s gonna hurt!)

PS: Update here. Being unbanned is nowhere near as good as being banned, hitwise. I’ll try to make the best of it.

snowglobes for sadists

Snowglobe! 

Stole this from Curtis @ Can’t See the Forest, obviously another sadist, albeit more closety about it than me. Apparently if you shake it just right, the little girl vomits.

happy politically incorrect holiday!

Louis Farakhan's Christmas Album!

Let no man, woman, child, trannie, or genderless cleric say raincoaster is PC. We are multiculti and equal-opportunity offensive here on the ol’ raincoaster blog, and here’s the proof. This just may be the most offensive Charlie Brown Christmas spoof ever recorded. Even I hesitated to post this one, but it’s just too roll on the floor hilariously offensive to keep to myself. I want all my friends to join me in outraged and barely-suppressed guffaws.

Ladies and gentlemen, be warned. Here it is in all its motherfucking glory: A Charlie Brown Kwanzaa! Do NOT say we didn’t warn you.

“Charlie Brown, of all the motherfuckers on Earth, you da motherfuckingest.”

“Another motherfucking nickel. Whoo, somebody didn’t get their welfare check today!”

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quiz: how fucking awesome are you?

Pretty fucking awesome if you wrote this quiz. It just may be the most awesome quiz ever written. Here’s a sample question:

6. Someone has left an orphan at your doorstep. What do you do?

  • I wipe my feet on it and walk inside. 
  • I cradle it tenderly and whisper quiet words of nurturing. Then punt it. 
  • I force it to fight a cage match with another orphan in order to obtain food, then inform it that the food is the corpse of their defeated orphan opponent. HAHA AWESOME! 
  • I do something which is neither cruel nor cool. I am a big chunk of fresh-roasted lame.

You are 81% awesome!

You’re awesome. You could be a hired assassin or secret agent, preferably any job that requires killing. Although at this level of awesome, you probably kill for fun, just to stay in shape. You could shake Chuck Norris’ hand. Do not look him in the eyes.

How Awesome Are You?
Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

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free upgrade on British Airways: one time only

Death Takes a Holiday 

Nothing beats a free upgrade to First Class on an overseas flight, eh? The legroom, the fully-reclining seats, the super-attendant staff, the gourmet meals, the Champagne, the rapidly-stiffening corpse in the last row.

Some people will do anything to get an upgrade!

‘It was a very strange and unsettling thing to experience.

‘We were about half way into the flight and getting my head down to sleep when I heard a commotion from behind the curtain in first class.

‘Stewardesses were running up and down the aisle. There was no panic but there was a sense of urgency. The staff were very professional.

‘There was a call over the loudspeakers for a medical doctor. From where I was sitting towards the back of First Class I was aware of them performing resuscitation techniques behind the curtains as I tried to watch the in-flight movie – Mission Impossible III.’

‘I felt quite uneasy. But some passengers were being very British about it and simply not acknowledging there was anything wrong.

‘One of the stewardesses then came to me and said there was some rather bad news. There had been a death on board.

‘She asked would I mind awfully moving to the other side of the cabin because they needed to bring the body in. The first class section was about 80 per cent full.

‘Four male stewards came I carrying the poor chap who was in his 60s or 70s and casually dressed. But he was a bit too big for them. Another passenger lent a hand as they propped him up

‘They wrapped him in a blanket and strapped him in and semi-reclined the seat. But his head was exposed and leaning to one said, as if he were asleep. I could see the top of his head throughout the flight…’

BA said the dead man was taken into First Class because business class was full.

You know, they had me until I got to that line. I mean, sure the guy’s dead and all, but I’m not seeing where it makes more sense for him to be dead in First Class than in Economy. After all, he won’t be needing any of that Champagne, and after a couple of hours he won’t be able to recline anyway.

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