Once again we at the ol’ raincoaster blog can only shake our heads in dismay (I have five, and they rattle when they really get going) at the sad ignorance displayed in this report from Latvia.
Locals initially reported seeing “strange things” in the area.
One girl said that she had seen “a small bright object with a silver ring around it”, while other witnesses reported seeing up to six symmetrical beams of light emerging from the pond.
It seems a large hole has appeared in the ice of a heretofor-frozen lake, and the sudden appearance thereof, andof other bizarre phenomena, has put local yokeldom to speculating about the possible arrival and submersion of a UFO, or the possibility of a large chunk of blue ice falling from such an object (aliens, presumably, being no better at disposing of their wastes than a dirty Boeing) and creating said hole.
These theories are, naturally, so ridiculous and indicative of backwateryness that we need hardly raise an eyebrow before dismissing them with a snort.
Let us look at the facts instead; verily, let us turn to science which, as always, has all the answers if indeed only a subset of the questions at any given time.
What are lakes made of? That’s right, dihydrogen monoxide. And what covers frozen lakes? Correct again, ice covers frozen lakes, by definition and by gosh and by golly. And what happens when a large bolus of heated gas escapes its deep-water containment in a body of water which is covered by ice? Three for three, my friend: the gas rises and breaks the surface, either melting or blasting its way to freedom.
Otherwise, can you imagine the stench from all those saved-up fish farts at the Spring break-up?
Obviously, this strange hole is an indication that somewhere in the depths of this Unnamed and Unnameable Lake lies an active and populated (and gastrically distressed) settlement of Deep Ones, if indeed it is not itself the fabled Lake of Hali in the Frozen Wastes (and, I mean, not to put too fine a point on it but, have you ever been to Latvia? Exactly) and, thus, home to far greater horrors than these mere servants of Great Cthulhu.
Ia! Ia! Latvia fh’artagn!
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raincoaster 
Latvia fh’artagn, indeed. Do the Deep Ones say ‘excuse me?’
Never. They just slaughter and eat all the witnesses.
A timely post to be sure riding the updraft of http://timethief.wordpress.com/2007/02/09/the-climatic-effects-of-dinosaur-farts/
Ah, great scientific minds think alike!
FFE
You’re a Journalist and therefore you have (as a UK Tax Inspector once anounced to an intimidated Court) “many sources of information which you would prefer not to discuss”
but
are you able without prejudicing your sources to confirm or deny that at last, we have a Pictorial Representation of the elusive & mysterious RegenCoaster (see the lower photo)?? … or is it another false trail laid to frustrate the efforts of the Doughnut Liberation Front to indentify & locate her, for her anti-soviet promotion of the Consumption & Digestion of custard & jam-filled & mis-spellt “Donuts” [sic]
Your obedient servant etc
G E
PS Please don’t be so cwoss with your Dear Leader – like most of us, he is doing his inadequate best – hurt feelings cause me to draw a veil over British efforts to act successfully over Iraq in the 1920’s and late 1940’s – how do you know you would handle this shambles any better
Thought I’d tip you to this: http://www.nzherald.co.nz/section/1/story.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=10425355
Though you’ve probably already heard.
I am in awe. Seriously, people from all over the modern and ancient world have sent me news of this squid, and to each of you I give a ten-tentacle salute! I am humbled.
G Eagle, you will find, if you look, that there are pictures of the elusive raincoaster on this very blog…I attempted at the last moment to hide behind a Champagne bottle, but failed. And once I’ve photoshopped my batwings out of it sufficiently, I shall post the pic of me on the Ducati Superbike, if only to make my BMW-riding sister jealous.
The Marchioness of W-Hampton under B de la Zouch
Your Grace must have been hidden in plain sight (or do you North-Americans spell it rather quaintly as “site”)
Judging by its performance over Iraq, the CIA would presumably take the prospective picture of your Grace at face value, while unthreateningly stationing an Aircraft Carrier in the Vancouver Gulf (there are no military plans to attack Alberta)
….. but we devious Brits (so relentlessly mis-directed by our Glorious, Honorable ever-Spinning Gouvernement, may it rule for ever) are bound to think that this is yet another false R-C trail for the FlD (Le Front pour la Liberation des Donuts]
BTW Your Grace seems to be a Vancouver resient … but are we right to suspect that you in fact your Grace lives in Alberta – if not, why not – surely your Grace should get hold of her share of the Oil Shale revenues
Your Grace’s obedt servt
L’Aigle Gris
this is very scary and very odd. and i wish you would put more creepy stuff on here and i also wish you would not make fun of monkeys, they are my life and i also plead you to put more creepy stuff on here! PLEASE!!!
Sincerly, monkey girl
p.s I love poop, and mostly monkeys.
I’m not much into poop or monkeys, actually. You can find plenty of creepy stuff if you surf around.