A big, soggy, Wet Coast greeting to The Young Fogey and Jesus’ General.
That’s all I wanted to say. Carry on.
Oh, lookie, here’s JC’s Hannidate personals profile. Do ya feel lucky?

A big, soggy, Wet Coast greeting to The Young Fogey and Jesus’ General.
That’s all I wanted to say. Carry on.
Oh, lookie, here’s JC’s Hannidate personals profile. Do ya feel lucky?

Because all dorks are not created equal. Lord of the Rings dorks, ferinstance, are unequal, generally being superior, particularly to the kind of dork who sees your “186,000 miles per second isn’t just a good idea: it’s the Law” Einstein t-shirt and comes over to say “Actually, it’s 186,282.397 miles per second,” and then wonders why he sleeps alone.
And if you still doubt the Bond-like coolitude of LOTR fans, you can look here, here, here, or here for proof of cred, you doubting trolls! Meanwhile, you can enjoy this stunning work of art, a video of the SandwichQuest of the Rohirrim and the Last Snack Ride of Theoden. Remember to bring a hankie for the melodramatic finale!
Comments by the Author(s) of Theoden, Horsemaster
A little movie about Theoden, King of the Mark.
We made this as a little “preview” for the third installment of our Lord of the Rings Parody: Special Edition. The storyline is made all by ourselfs, we came up with the idea during Return of the King. If you like Lord of the Rings, you’ll probably like this as well. We hoped it would be a small/short movie, but as you can see it turned out to be quite different. Enjoy!
* Team Lorio *
P.S. December 17 – Happy Birthday to Bernard Hill!!!
And from the same awe-inspiring team of filmmakers, we have this, the shortest of all LOTR musicals, which features a special guest star, sure to be popular with those loyal Gilbert & Sullivan fans, our fogey contingent.
At least, that’s what these people say.
Eh well, so quite a raging snotload of these books aren’t science fiction at all; it’s okay, as long as you let the fantasists claim Burroughs, Carroll and Ellison, too. Share nicely. Let us call it “A List of 100 Really Important Works of Speculative Fiction” but it can’t be the top 100, since it doesn’t contain The Lord of the Rings, ferinstance. Nor any Poe or HP Lovecraft, nor The House on the Borderland, nor any Thomas Ligotti, although I don’t expect any of you to know who that is; I think he’s imaginary. The book, were it on here, would be Songs of a Dead Dreamer.
1. Childhood’s End Written by Arthur C. Clarke YEP
2. Foundation Written by Isaac Asimov YEP
3. Dune Written by Frank Herbert NOPE
4. Man in the High Castle Written by Philip K. Dick YEP
5. Starship Troopers Written by Robert A. Heinlein NOPE
6. Valis Written by Philip K. Dick NOPE
7. Frankenstein Written by Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley YEP
8. Gateway Written by Frederick Pohl YEP
9. Space Merchants Written by C.M. Kornbluth & Frederick Pohl YEP I think…not sure.10. Earth Abides Written by George R. Stewart NOPE
11. Cuckoo’s Egg Written by C.J. Cherryh YEP
12. Star Surgeon Written by James White NOPE
13. The Three Stigmata of Palmer Eldritch Written by Philip K. Dick YEPPERS!
14. Radix Written by A.A. Attanasio YEP
15. 2001: A Space Odyssey Written by Arthur C. Clarke YEP
16. Ringworld Written by Larry Niven NOPE
17. A Case of Conscience Written by James Blish NOPE but have read other Blish
18. Last and First Man Written by Olaf Stapledon I think so
19. The Day of the Triffids Written by John Wyndham YEP, all the Wyndham. The Trouble with Lichen is a bit more to the point lately, though. And of course, The Kraken Wakes, for Giant Squiddy goodness.
20. Way Station Written by Clifford Simak YEP
21. More Than Human Written by Theodore Sturgeon YEP
22. Gray Lensman Written by E. E. “Doc” Smith I THINK SO
23. The Gods Themselves Written by Isaac Asimov YEP
24. The Left Hand of Darkness Written by Ursula K. Le Guin YEP
25. Behold the Man Written by Michael Moorcock YEP26. Star Maker Written by Olaf Stapledon NOPE
27. The War of the Worlds Written by H.G. Wells YEP
28. 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea Written by Jules Verne YEP, luv me some Verne
29. Heritage of Hastur Written by Marion Zimmer Bradley NOPE: She wrote Chtulhu Mythos tales? Howcum nobody told ol’ raincoaster, eh? What do you think the Comments button is there for, eh? EH?
30. The Time Machine Written by H.G. Wells YEP LOVE ME SOME WELLS, TOO
31. The Stars My Destination Written by Alfred Bester YEP
32. Slan Written by A.E. Van Vogt NOPE but read some other stuff
33. Neuromancer Written by William Gibson YEP and met him repeatedly; such a sweet guy. I was in Book Warehouse one day and saw him browsing the SciFi section. Took a quick look, and no Gibson. I caught his eye and said, “They must have sold out.”
34. Ender’s Game Written by Orson Scott Card YEP
35. In Conquest Born Written by C.S. Friedman NOPE
36. Lord of Light Written by Roger Zelazny NOPE Can’t stand the bugger, actually
37. Eon Written by Greg Bear NOPE
38. Dragonflight Written by Anne McCaffrey NOPE
39. Journey to the Center of the Earth Written by Jules Verne YEP
40. Stranger in a Strange Land Written by Robert Heinlein YEP, adequate
41. Cosm Written by Gregory Benford NOPE
42. The Voyage of the Space Beagle Written by A.E. Van Vogt NOPE
43. Blood Music Written by Greg Bear NOPE
44. Beggars in Spain Written by Nancy Kress NOPE
45. Omnivore Written by Piers Anthony NOPE
46. I, Robot Written by Isaac Asimov YEP
47. Mission of Gravity Written by Hal Clement NOPE
48. To Your Scattered Bodies Go Written by Philip Jose Farmer YEP, although I cannot say he’s the greatest prose stylist the universe has ever seen.
49. Brave New World Written by Aldous Huxley YEP; it is slowly becoming nonfiction. E, anyone?
50. The Man Who Folded Himself Written by David Gerrold YES
51. 1984 Written by George Orwell YES; also becoming nonfiction, although only in the US so far
52. The Strange Case of Dr. Jeckyl And Mr. Hyde Written by Robert Louis Stevenson YEP but I agree with his wife that Markheim was superior.
53. Snow Crash Written by Neal Stephenson YEP
54. Flesh Written by Philip Jose Farmer NOPE
55. Cities in Flight Written by James Blish NOPE
56. Shadow of the Torturer Written by Gene Wolfe NOPE
57. Startide Rising Written by David Brin NOPE
58. Triton Written by Samuel R. Delany NOPE but have read other stuff
59. Stand on Zanzibar Written by John Brunner NOPE
60. A Clockwork Orange Written by Anthony Burgess NOPE
61. Fahrenheit 451 Written by Ray Bradbury YEP
62. A Canticle For Leibowitz Written by Walter Miller NOPE but I have heard so much about it that I damn well should.
63. Flowers for Algernon Written by Daniel Keyes NOPE
64. No Blade of Grass Written by John Christopher NOPE
65. The Postman Written by David Brin NOPE
66. Dhalgren Written by Samuel Delany NOPE
67. Berserker Written by Fred Saberhagen NOPE although it sounds familiar. Then again, maybe that’s because of the crowd I hang out with?
68. Flatland Written by Edwin Abbot YEP; it should really be published on a single sheet of paper, don’t you think?
69. Planiverse Written by A.K. Dewdney NOPE
70. Dragon’s Egg Written by Robert L. Forward NOPE
71. Downbelow Station Written by C.J. Cherryh NOPE
72. Dawn Written by Octavia E. Butler YEP
73. Puppet Masters Written by Robert Heinlein YEP one of his better works
74. The Doomsday Book Written by Connie Willis NOPE
75. Forever War Written by Joe Haldeman NOT SURE
76. Deathbird Stories Written by Harlan Ellison YEP, own several copies actually. The Whimper of Whipped Dogs isn’t becoming nonfiction; it never was fiction.
77. Roadside Picnic Written by Boris Strugatsky & Arkady Strugatsky NOPE78. The Snow Queen Written by Joan Vinge YEP
79. The Martian Chronicles Written by Ray Bradbury YEP
80. Drowned World Written by J.G. Ballard NOPE
81. Cat’s Cradle Written by Kurt Vonnegut NOPE
82. Red Mars Written by Kim Stanley Robinson NOPE
83. Upanishads Written by Various NOT WHOLLY
84. Alice in Wonderland Written by Lewis Carroll YEP and have the original illustrations too
85. Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy Written by Douglas Adams NOPE AND QUIT BUGGING ME ABOUT IT, OKAY?
86. The Lathe of Heaven Written by Ursula K. Le Guin NOPE
87. The Midwich Cuckoos Written by John Wyndham YEP88. Mutant Written by Henry Kuttner YEP, loved it!
89. Solaris Written by Stanislaw Lem NOPE
90. Ralph 124C41+ Written by Hugo Gernsback NOPE
91. I Am Legend Written by Richard Matheson YEP
92. Timescape Written by Gregory Benford NOPE
93. The Demolished Man Written by Alfred Bester NOPE
94. War with the Newts Written by Karl Kapek NOPE
95. Mars Written by Ben Bova YEP I think, but not totally sure
96. Brain Wave Written by Poul Anderson NOPE
97. Hyperion Written by Dan Simmons NOPE, but he was a great horse.
98. The Andromeda Strain Written by Michael Crichton YEP, Crichton isn’t as bad as they say, actually. Or wasn’t.
99. Camp Concentration Written by Thomas Disch NOPE but have read plenty of other stuff
100. A Princess of Mars Written by Edgar Rice Burroughs YEP

“Visitation.” It’s a lovely portmanteau word; it can mean someone you love coming from far away to see you again; it can mean Joseph Marley has arrived for a long, unpleasant talk about your life choices.
Don’t you just hate that?
In something more along the Marleyian end of the scale, the Globe and Mail brings news that Colin Thatcher, spousicidal narcissist, successful politician, bully, and elite horse fancier, has been approved for 72-hour visitations with his family, one of whom (as mentioned above) he murdered. No plans have been announced for him to visit her, although it would be only fair. Maybe she’ll come visit him, now that he’s closer.
After spending more than 21 years in prison for murdering his former wife, Colin Thatcher will be allowed to return to his family’s beloved Saskatchewan cattle ranch.
No report on whether the horse whom he managed to have trucked into the prison for his personal enjoyment will be a part of the welcoming committee. But surely the nag knows he’s loved. Unlike some people.
The [Ferndale, BC] facility includes a nine-hole golf course and horse stables.
From Crime Library:
In 1999, according to Salter New Media, Colin underwent golf therapy and was “on a regiment of thirty-six holes a day,” according to the Warden Strother Martin. It was hardly the kind of sentence Tony Wilson expected for Colin after the cold-blooded murderer of his wife.
Apparently, the publicity wasn’t too great for Ferndale, and they tossed him to Winnipeg.
A three-member National Parole Board panel ruled Friday that the 67-year-old former Saskatchewan cabinet minister can leave Rockwood Institution near Winnipeg for a series of 72-hour unescorted visits with his family.
Greg Thatcher, who was 13 when his parents divorced, sat next to his father throughout Friday’s two-hour hearing and assured the panel the visits would pose no danger.
“The fact that we want him to stay two or three days with our children speaks volumes to our comfort level,” he said.
“We’re all cognizant of the fact we don’t have a lot of years left, so we’d like the chance to reconnect a little bit more.”
He smiled as he said he expected his dad would be telling him what he’s done wrong in running the ranch — like any father might. The ranch is a legacy from Colin’s father, Ross Thatcher, a former Saskatchewan premier and member of Parliament.
And I expect that at some point someone will be telling Colin Thatcher what he‘s done wrong, too. I wonder where that ranch is…Thatcher Avenue, perhaps? It’s so easy to find famous people.
Or infamous.
37 Kalmia Crescent, Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan, S6J 1L2; that’s the house address. The family doesn’t actually live on the ranch anymore, and I therefore doubt that’s where Colin will be staying. I will leave off the phone number; they’re listed.
Need directions to the ranch? 33 km west of Moose Jaw. From Caronport take Caron access road 2 miles west. Don’t say I never done nuthin’ for ya.
`VAST WASTELAND’ SPEECH HOLDS TRUE AFTER ALL THESE YEARS
Chicago Tribune, April 24, 2001, page 17
This is an edited version of Newton Minow‘s speech to the National Association of Broadcasters on May 9, 1961:
Thank you for this opportunity to meet with you today. This is my first public address since I took over my new job. It may also come as a surprise to some of you, but I want you to know that you have my admiration and respect.
I admire your courage–but that doesn’t mean I would make life any easier for you. Your license lets you use the public’s airwaves as trustees for 180 million Americans. The public is your beneficiary. If you want to stay on as trustees, you must deliver a decent return to the public–not only to your stockholders. So, as a representative of the public, your health and your product are among my chief concerns.
I have confidence in your health. But not in your product. I am here to uphold and protect the public interest. What do we mean by “the public interest?” Some say the public interest is merely what interests the public. I disagree.
When television is good, nothing–not the theater, not the magazines or newspapers–nothing is better.
But when television is bad, nothing is worse. I invite you to sit down in front of your television set when your station goes on the air and stay there without a book, magazine, newspaper, profit and-loss sheet or rating book to distract you–and keep your eyes glued to that set until the station signs off. I can assure you that you will observe a vast wasteland.
You will see a procession of game shows, violence, audience-participation shows, formula comedies about totally unbelievable families, blood and thunder, mayhem, violence, sadism, murder, western badmen, western good men, private eyes, gangsters, more violence and cartoons. And, endlessly, commercials–many screaming, cajoling and offending. And most of all, boredom. True, you will see a few things you will enjoy. But they will be very, very few. And if you think I exaggerate, try it.
Sentenced to prime time
Is there one person in this room who claims that broadcasting can’t do better? Well, a glance at next season’s proposed programming can give us little heart. Of 73 1/2 hours of prime evening time, the networks have tentatively scheduled 59 hours to categories of “action-adventure,” situation comedy, variety, quiz shows and movies.
Is there one network president in this room who claims he can’t do better? Well, is there at least one network president who believes that the other networks can’t do better? Gentlemen, your trust accounting with your beneficiaries is overdue. Never have so few owed so much to so many.
Why is so much of television so bad? I have heard many answers: demands of your advertisers; competition for ever-higher ratings; the need always to attract a mass audience; the high cost of television programs; the insatiable appetite for programming material–these are some of them. Unquestionably these are tough problems not susceptible to easy answers.
But I am not convinced that you have tried hard enough to solve them . . . and I am not convinced that the people’s taste is as low as some of you assume.
What about the children?
Certainly I hope you will agree that ratings should have little influence where children are concerned. It used to be said that there were three great influences on a child: home, school and church. Today there is a fourth great influence, and you ladies and gentlemen control it.
If parents, teachers and ministers conducted their responsibilities by following the ratings, children would have a steady diet of ice cream, school holidays and no Sunday school. What about your responsibilities? There are some fine children’s shows, but they are drowned out in the massive doses of cartoons, violence and more violence. Must these be your trademarks?
Let me make clear that what I am talking about is balance. You will get no argument from me if you say that, given a choice between a western and a symphony, more people will watch the western. I like westerns and private eyes too–but a steady diet for the whole country is obviously not in the public interest. We all know that people would more often prefer to be entertained than stimulated or informed. But your obligations are not satisfied if you look only to popularity as a test of what to broadcast. You are not only in show business; you are free to communicate ideas as well as relaxation. You must provide a wider range of choices, more diversity, more alternatives. It is not enough to cater to the nation’s whims–you must also serve the nation’s needs.
And I would add this–that if some of you persist in a relentless search for the highest rating and the lowest common denominator, you may very well lose your audience.
The 6 principles
I want to make clear some of the fundamental principles which guide me.
First: The people own the air. They own it as much in prime evening time as they do at 6 o’clock Sunday morning. For every hour that the people give you, you owe them something. I intend to see that your debt is paid with service.
Second: I think it would be foolish and wasteful for us to continue any worn-out wrangle over the problems of payola, rigged quiz shows and other mistakes of the past. There are laws on the books, which we will enforce. But there is no chip on my shoulder.
Third: I believe in the free enterprise system. I want to see broadcasting improved and I want you to do the job. I am proud to champion your cause. It is not rare for American businessmen to serve a public trust. Yours is a special trust because it is imposed by law.
Fourth: I will do all I can to help educational television. There are still not enough educational stations, and major centers of the country still lack usable educational channels.
Fifth: I am unalterably opposed to governmental censorship. There will be no suppression of programming which does not meet with bureaucratic tastes.
Sixth: I did not come to Washington to idly observe the squandering of the public’s airwaves. I believe in the gravity of my own particular sector of the New Frontier. There will be times perhaps when you will consider that I take myself or my job too seriously. Frankly, I don’t care if you do.
Now, how will these principles be applied? Clearly, at the heart of the FCC’s authority lies its power to license, to renew or fail to renew, or to revoke a license. As you know, When your license comes up for renewal, your performance is compared with your promises. I understand that many people feel that in the past licenses were often renewed pro forma. I say to you now: Renewal will not be pro forma in the future. There is nothing permanent or sacred about a broadcast license.
But simply matching promises and performance is not enough. I intend to do more. I intend to find out whether the people care. I intend to find out whether the community which each broadcaster serves believes he has been serving the public interest. You must re-examine some fundamentals of your industry. You must open your minds and open your hearts to the limitless horizons of tomorrow.
Words of wisdom
I can suggest some words that should serve to guide you:
Television and all who participate in it are jointly accountable to the American public for respect for the special needs of children, for community responsibility, for the advancement of education and culture, for the acceptability of the program materials chosen, for decency and decorum in production, and for propriety in advertising. This responsibility cannot be discharged by any given group of programs, but can be discharged only through the highest standards of respect for the American home, applied to every moment of every program presented by television. Program materials should enlarge the horizons of the viewer, provide him with wholesome entertainment, afford helpful stimulation, and remind him of the responsibilities which the citizen has toward his society.
These words are not mine. They are yours. They are taken literally from your own Television Code. They reflect the leadership and aspirations of your own great industry. I urge you to respect them as I do.
We need imagination in programming, not sterility; creativity, not imitation; experimentation, not conformity; excellence, not mediocrity. Television is filled with creative, imaginative people. You must strive to set them free.
The power of instantaneous sight and sound is without precedent in mankind’s history. This is an awesome power. It has limitless capabilities for good–and for evil. And it carries with it awesome responsibilities–responsibilities which you and I cannot escape.
I urge you to put the people’s airwaves to the service of the people and the cause of freedom.