Lucy Gao’s email

Andy Hardy meets a debutante, and does not enjoy the experience. When are we blowing candles?

Somehow I knew I could count on Oxford to be on this like pretention on a 21-year-old intern. From the Oxford Gao gossip thread, here’s the original email. Apparently, she’s at Balliol when she’s not at the Ritz or interning in the property department at Citibank. And don’t forget to look through the thread for the comments (as previously discussed…. maybe we need to revisit the intern selection criteria, I think the emphasis on control may be too high!) and the lovely birthday photos.

Dunno what the hell I’m talking about? Check here for the intro to this whole sorry affair, and here for visual evidence that, even if she’s not as well dressed as Mickey Rooney in the above pic, she’s much, much better pleased with herself.

Subject: Details and instructions for Lucy’s Ritz Party

Dear Friends,Thank you for all your replies and I am glad all of you can come this Friday to celebrate my 21st with me.
Please read ALL the following to ensure your entry into the Ritz.
Lucy’s 21st Birthday Party
at The Ritz Hotel London
Friday, 18th of August
9pm Champagne Reception
10pm Photo Shoots
10:30pm Blowing Candles

“Candles.” Is that what the kids are calling them now?

Mid-night Pangaea, Mayfair

Is that anywhere around midnight? Only with 85% more pretention?

I have arranged the Ritz to host a Champagne Reception with a selection of Ritz Champagne for all my guests, this will be on me so please come and indulge.

And someone please bring the birthday girl a change of punctuation.

A specially made birthday cake has also been ordered and the Ritz waiters will kindly serve you each a generous slice with Ritz cutleries,
etc…also on me.

Those kindly waiters. And they let you use the Ritz cutleries, too? Wow, you must have pull.

* When you arrive, take the Hotel entry on the opposite side of the Green Park tube station [Please refer to your arrival time at the
end of this email]

Where are they supposed to take it? Is it heavy?

* When asked “how can I help you Sir/Madame?”, you reply “I am here for Lucy’s Birthday Party at the Rivoli Bar”

Kind of like “the black dog howls at midnight,” only in this case he would be blowing candles at Mid-night.

* You will be escorted to the lounge area next to the Rivoli bar, where you will hopefully see a gorgeous group of ladies.

Okay, I’m not 100% certain about this, but she seems to be indicating that she has laid on hot and cold running hookers; if this is the case, no wonder her email has been forwarded so many times. Bankers can be bitter if they’re not invited.

If you experience any issues getting in or getting to the Ritz, please call my mobile on 07782 205 450 and my PA Ms Gill will kindly deal with your queries between 8:30pm to 10pm.

Is it really that difficult to get into a hotel nowadays? Gee, back when I was 21 we just used to go over the wall like plain folks.

Gentlemen: Jacket, shirt, and please also bring a tie (no jeans, trainers, flip-flops, polo-shirts)
Ladies: skirt/top, cocktail dress (no denim, min-skirts, flip-flips, bad tastes)

No, we certainly don’t want any bad tastes.

Advice 1: It goes without saying that the more upper-class you dress, the less likely you shall be denied entry.
Advice 2: Photos will be taken between 10pm to 10:30pm, and these will be distributed once processed, therefore you may want to be

Although certainly not in bad tastes. There is only so much magic Lucy’s PA can work with the Photoshop.

I will be accepting cards and small gifts between 9pm to 11pm…<wink
wink> hehehe

I very much look forward to seeing you all at the Ritz this Friday.


ARRIVAL TIMES: [Please stick to these as best as you can, thank you]
9:00pm: Lucy, Sophie Sandner, Kajai, Mandeep, Preet, Sanami, Su, Lisa,
9:15pm: Phoebe, Sophie Seugnet, Theo, Dmitry, Ed, Nikolay, Paul, Nick,
9:30pm: Marco, Andrea, Jess, Ovi, Yuki, Olga, Kim, Marcelo, Ulyana,
Krystal, Dan.
9:45pm: Sunita, Alan, JingJing, Emma.
10:00pm: Anthony, Rachel, Roger, Uli, Yogi, Gharzi
Lucy Gao
Citigroup | Real Estate Equity Research
4th Floor, Citigroup Centre (CGC1)
25 Canada Square, London E14 5LB
Direct Line: +44 207 986 4116
Fax: +44 207 986 4341
Mobile: +44 778 220 5450

You know that each and every one of those people is pretending not to know this woman today.

“No, no, that’s the other Gharzi!”

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45 thoughts on “Lucy Gao’s email

  1. Anyone can get in these posh London hotel bars, even me. You go in after work, go to whoever is on reception and ask ‘do you have a bar here please?’

    They say ‘Yes Sir it’s ….’ and give you directions. so you go in and ask for a glass of red wine and they pour you a stingy glass of cheap red wine and charge you £12 (but you get a little bowl of olives and some weird crunchy things’

    Then you talk to the guests, if they don’t like what you have said (I was commenting to a banker from the middle east about how good it would be for me if the middle east kicked off some more and oil went to $100 a barrel so as to put up interest rates and get everyones houses reposessed) they go and ask the manager to ask you to stop talking to them.

    I’m serious, the guy comes over and say ‘excuses me Sir if I could have a word’ I said ‘certainly’ he took me aside and said ‘I understand you are only being friendly Sir but the gentleman had asked me to ask you not to talk to him’

    I said ‘not at all, I’ll continue reading my magazine’ (I had bought an economist to try and look rich) and sat back down to drink my second stingy £12 glass of red wine and eat my olives and crunchy things.

    I didn’t understand really I thought that was what rich bankers talked about, how much they could screw everyone else over. Check out her postal address ‘Real Estate Equity Research’ what do you think they do in there? Work out how much people in certain post codes can afford to remortgage and target them with junk mail? Maybe I’m being a bit simplistic.

    Anyway the rich arab banker man didn’t like it when I commented that the higher interest rates that the Lebanon thing would bring would be good news for young british people like myself who had just finished university.

    What do rich bankers talk about?

    It was a nice bar though (not the ritz, somewhere more upmarket on Park Lane) I would go back if I won a bet or something.

  2. Well now you can talk to them about Lucy.

    What they do in Real Estate Equity Research is make calculations very much like you just made, then try to go out and prevent oil from going over $100 a barrel.

    You should ask them to buy you off. You’re obviously dangerous.

  3. Ask who to buy me off? How am I dangerous? I was just being friendly like the hotel man said. Anyway I’ll be damned if I’m gonna get kicked out a bar in my own country because some Arab has the hump with what I said.

  4. Well you see, all bankers would. They make money when people pay their morgages, not when they go into receivership. They’d pay you just not to tell anyone.

  5. Did you know citigroup are selling a rubbish life insurance policy using pyramid selling?

    A lad I played cricket with once got talking to me about banks and stuff then invited me to a presentation about ‘how money works’

    They took me into a big room off Oxford street and tried to brainwash me into believing I would be £150,000 richer at the end of my mortgage (I don’t have one which was the poor lads first blunder) if I chnaged from my average life insurance policy (which I don’t have) to a citigroup one that pays nothing on maturity and used the spare cash to overpay my new citigroup mortgage and then saved the money at 8% that I wasn’t using to pay my mortgage.

    The only other catch was that I have to give them a couple of hundred pounds to become one of their agents and pester everyone I knew to come to the presentation to do the same.

    Talk about shoddy sales tactics, you should have seen it, all the small print that they have to tell you was on the OHP so small you couldn’t read it and they never read it out either.

    Needless to say I passed up on the offer of their crap life insurance policy and the offer to join their crap pyramid scheme

  6. I’m telling you, get the bankers to hire you just to keep you off the streets and you’ll be laughing. This woman could afford champagne at the Ritz for all her friends, and she’s only 21! Although from the pix of her party she still can’t find a decent dress.

  7. Raincoaster,

    I read the links, it’s given me an idea!

    Why don’t we copy all the bankers email addresses on that link you got onto a new email and email all the bankers the link to your blog!

    Am I a genius or what?

  8. Steven, I’ve just found out some eedjut’s put this on a list of porn sites and it’s been blackballed from WordPress. Swell. I haven’t got the time to play games right now. Bye.

  9. Is it because you posted about the banking intern? Maybe you shouldn’t mess with these bankers, it is a little cruel to slag the poor girl off like that. It’s not as if she is fair game, like a politician or rock star or something.

    Was a bit nasty of the Daily Mail as well, they should know better. Maybe I should send an email to all those bankers who were forwarding her email on and laughing at her to ask them how they would like it if I paraded their email addresses over the interweb – oh hang on they got what they deserved really there didn’t they.

    You could put all their email addresses into porno sites to they get loads of filthy spam every monrning (and all day) and get it trouble with the IT department, that would teach them a lesson.

    I guess the moral of this little story is never to work for citigroup – not only do they run dodgy pyramid schemes but they treat their 20 year old interns like shit too (and probably pay them a pittance for the priviledge)

  10. I deliberately took out all the emails except Lucy’s, because she’s the only one who sent hers out. She’s also the only one who acted like a spoiled pretentious dope.She deserved to be treated like this; I believe strongly in giving people the reputations they deserve.

    Which is one reason me being reported as some kind of porno blogger really fries my bacon!

    No, I don’t think this has anything to do with Lucy. I think this has to do with someone getting vindictive about having their comment about me deleted. Although I could be wrong…but I doubt it.

  11. Theres loads of emails on that link you put up – maybe I should ask around for a job in the city, keeping schtum

  12. Well don’t you already have a City connection? If you want to know how much money they make, just read Liar’s Poker. It’s a FANTASTIC book by Michael Lewis, who used to be one of the best writers of nonfiction in the English language, until he went to France and became a fatuous, xenophobic ass.

  13. Thanks, Jeremy. I don’t happen to have any City of London connections, but it looks like Steven is trolling Lucy’s email list for some contacts. Those poor people have probably already been hit by a million spammers.

    Is this the link you were talking about:

    Can you explain them a little bit? I’m not sure I can figure out what they’re actually about (but then, I’m all out of tea; the brain’s not working as well as normally).

    And good luck on the campaign!

  14. That’s what one would have thought, but no. It means WordPress effectively takes your blog right out of the WordPress community and refuses to let search engines know of its existence. This means people can’t find and read me.

    I have an idea this was a bit of a vendetta by someone with whom I’ve crossed swords (so mildly I thought we were disagreeing, but she apparently thinks I’m some disgruntled bomb-thrower and has dedicated a thread to this in the Support forum). I honestly don’t know what I did to attract her ire, other than decline her invitation to chat at her site. As if I have time to chat; I have dear friends I haven’t spoken to in a bloody month! Some people just need to get offline and get a life. Or an enema. Which brings us back to Lucy.

  15. Hilarious! From the apology and “hey, it was just a joke” email, it’s apparent that she’s taken some PR advice.

    From the poor English and nonsequiteurs in it, it’s apparent she didn’t get very GOOD advice. Is the woman, after all this, still too arrogant to use a proofreader?

  16. Thanks. I got WordPress techies to look at it and they immediately un-porned it. I think it was probably just someone who mistook my dirty-minded punning or a risque post for something hardcore. Then again, I never rule out a silent vendetta; I’ve been around the internet too long to expect the best from total strangers. Coulda been an Albanian, come to think of it! I’ve pissed off enough of them.

    BTW CafePress now has “I survived Lucy Gao’s Birthday” shirts, along with ones that say “Lucy Gao kicked me out of her party. I arrived at 9:01”. Want one so bad!!!

  17. I daresay her education was a little lopsided, given that she was unaware that no one actually becomes ‘upper crust’ (as she might say) by dressing in whatever her idea of that might be. She seems to be under the impression that directly demanding people to dress ‘upper class’ can make it so – and that class is a matter of dress. She must have missed out on the Moliere, the Twain, the Thorsten Veblen, the Tom Wolfe, heck the Laura Ingalls Wilder, and all their notes on class – at that great education she got at Balliol. Must have slept through her tutorials. But she should cheer up: any Emily Post or Miss Manners book, carefully advising of the rules for never calling others on their etiquette and dress, could serve as her Cliff Notes for her missed education. She might consider that book on Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Golum or whatever his name was, too. Harvard guy, it ought to be good enough for her.

  18. I don’t know whether to feel sorry for her or laugh at her pretentious email. From what I read from canarywharf”‘s blog looks like a few people got into trouble for this in citigroup and Lucy’s career is limited in the Banking Industry. Ouch.. From sounds of things the people in Citibank don’t like her much either especially her mentor has been responsible for forwarding out the funnier emails she’s received to some people.

  19. Well as someone on the Oxford Gossip site said, as long as she makes money her career in banking is unlimited. They do not care what kind of human being you are, as long as you make money for them; it’s like Hollywood. Time will tell; her internship’s not up for a few weeks at least. And hey, Dana Giaschetto or whatever his name is still has a career despite a felony conviction…there will always be people who say “That’s the financial advisor for me!” Kind of like the moment in The World According to Garp when the plane hits the house and he says, “We HAVE to buy this house now! What are the odds of that happening twice!”

    A.M. Mora y Leon, you and I are as of one mind. And I see that we have the same reading lists…the only Miss Manners I don’t own is her novel, Gilbert, which I hesistated just a bit too long to get; it was sold out when I went back for it. I adore the woman.

  20. Just curious, why do people give a fuck about this? Is it distinctly British to be at once obsessed with and so dismissive of class conflict? I don’t get it.

    I agree with raincoaster, though, if she can make money, no one is going to care. At some point everyone will be kissing her ass.

  21. It can’t be distinctly British, since I was all over this and I’m Canadian. The #1 google result for “Lucy Gao” is the American site, Dealbreaker. It’s a universal thing, but the British do snobbery and put-downs of unseemingly ambitious social climbers very, very well. Fun to watch.

    I think everyone loves Schadenfreude.

  22. Pingback: Lucy Gao, meet the man of your dreams « raincoaster

  23. This strand of conversation represents the economic model of information asymmetries well as you have limited knowledge and yet very large mouths; testament of which is your half-witted pseudo-intellectual xenophobia.

  24. Oh, see, you should have waited till she got home from Target and asked her to help you again. At least the first one had style.

    Thesaurus style, but style nonetheless.

  25. Gosh a resident of the extra-territory of the United States who thinks he has chanced upon wit. Perhaps address the pre-pubescent attempts at the English language first chump.

  26. Look, sweetie, if you think I’m an American or a man, you’re even stupider than coming back here for the third day makes you look. In particular: I’m no more a man than you are.
    Diagram that sentence out if you’re having difficulty with it.

  27. Some topical quotes back on this thread:

    “Well you see, all bankers would. They make money when people pay their morgages, not when they go into receivership. They’d pay you just not to tell anyone.”

    By the looks of things they were too busy cooking up the dodgy securitisation thingymajigs to think of that one!

  28. Bankers get paid no matter what. They even get snotty and pretend to refuse the bailouts if you make giving up their multimillion-dollar bonuses a condition of bailouts.

  29. Well, I must say, as an American male, I have enjoyed this witty reparte’ on behalf of dear Lucy. Thank you all.

  30. Well, i still cant find the pictures. But Lucy needs to see what real life is like. Where I’m from, a 21st birthday party consists of about 30 friends, a bar, and getting completely wasted to jump start the rest of your lifetime.

    Come on Lucy, live a little! (;
    Haha, Controlling little whore.

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