-I think James Wolcott is fab. [seriously, who among us doesn’t have a crush on Jimbo?] I’ve tacked his contributor’s picture to my wall, and every night I read some sonnets, such as “Woman’s Constancy,” to my Little Jim, as I call him. I’ve bought these cutouts of Ken-doll clothes and sometimes dress Jim up. Could you let him know green corduroy works best with his skin tone?

Comments and questions should be directed to vfmailatvfdotcom. Please note that because of the volume of feedback received, not every message can be answered individually. Press requests should be directed to elizabeth_hurlbutatvfdotcom.

As always, read all FAQs before even thinking about framing a question in your minds, much less taking up the valuable time of their well-bred and expensively-educated interns with a misdirected or simply misguided query.

Such as:

-To whom would one submit Frequently Asked Question questions?

What? 

-My Aunt Verity wants this old issue of Vanity Fair. It had a story on some rich guy who dated models. He had gray hair, if that helps. Aunt Verity can’t remember the month or year of the magazine—or who was on the cover either. Can I get a copy of it for her?

If you can’t remember the date of the issue in which a particular story appeared, please call 212-286-8180, and we will try to help you. All requests for back issues should be sent to subscriptionsatvfdotcom. You can also call 800-365-0635 for issues dating from January 1999. Individual copies are available for $9.45 each (including first-class postage and handling) and should arrive within four to six weeks. To expedite your order, you may include a personal express-mail account number; the charge per issue is $4.95.

-Right. I’m in cashier school in Modesto. I can’t possibly fork over 30 bucks to reread that Michael Shnayerson piece on Ira Rennert.

Why not try your local library instead? Look for the Reader’s Guide to Periodical Literature or use your library’s Web site by clicking on the periodicals link and using the search function.

-I’ve got a scorching-hot tip for Dominick Dunne. I really can’t say what it is, but it involves a very famous cousin of a really rich daughter of this high-society lady who recently had her bejeweled Pacarana stolen by an Oscar-winning set designer. Whom can I call?

Gems such as these should be e-mailed to DDunneatcondenastdotcom. If they sound credible, they will be presented to the diarist, who will either follow up on your lead or dismiss it as imaginative drivel.

-Graydon Carter’s “Editor’s Letter” really got my goat, who ate it and became quite ill. I’m appalled and want to let him know.

To send letters to the editor, click CONTACT US, or e-mail us at lettersatvfdotcom. You can also fax your correspondence to 212-286-4324. In all cases, be sure to include your name, address, and daytime phone number. Vanity Fair reserves the right to edit your submission and publish or otherwise use it in any medium. All submissions become the property of Vanity Fair.

-Man, I love that Proust guy‘s questionnaire. So probing. Has he got any books out I can buy?

To purchase books by contributing editors and photographers, as well as copies of classic covers, click V.F. STORE.

-Our glee club hopes to perform a choral version of a Vanity Fair story. We were thinking of Bruce Weber’s photo portfolio on Scandinavian lingerie, “Swede Surrender.” How does a club, company, school, or organization get a reprint of a previously published piece?

To ask permission to reprint a picture or article in any medium, please fax a request to 212-630-5883, contact permissionsatcondenastdotcom, or call 212-630-5656. For press requests, contact elizabeth_hurlbutatvfdotcom. For personal reading purposes—if you know the article’s issue date—e-mail FAIRatneodatadotcom or call Back Issues at 1-800-365-0635.

-I’m the publicist for Glom Altoidov, the Uzbek sausage king. How can I get him into the Vanity Fair party the night of the Oscars—along with his Afghan hound, Follicula?

The party is by invitation only. Prostration, self-flagellation, or coquetry will hold no sway with V.F.’s editors, though such behavior is wildly entertaining. Animals are not admitted. Press inquiries regarding the party, and press inquiries only, should be directed to elizabeth_hurlbutatvfdotcom.

And so on…I really wanted to close this with the pic of Parker and Benchley forming an archway of mops, under which presided Conde Nast, with a doily for vestments, but it’s not out there and my scanner’s not working. Ah well, of such suffering is great art born. Right?